RIB

Ranma In Black

Special 01

Introduction: Please take note that this fanfic is more or less a long one-shot, broken up into four parts. I am not, repeat, NOT going to continue this idea. That honor will go to my fellow writer Morden Night, and you can find his web page at: http://mordennight.tripod.com. And with that in mind, on with the fic.

Disclaimer: (Holds up the neuralizer) FLASH! Men in Black and Ranma 1/2 belong to their own creators and I am not to be sued.

< >: Thoughts

Agent R: Ranma's male half. (Can also be spelled as Arr)
Agent Red: Ranma's female half. (Ranko)

Back to Nerima

Part 1

In a darkened alley near Furinkan High School...

Hikaru Gosunkugi let off a petrified scream as he found himself backed up against a wall and cut off from any avenue of escape. He held up his hammer and spike to defend himself, but he knew that they would be useless against what was about to devour him.

The monster was huge and looked like something out of a horror flick. It had three eyeballs on top of thin stalks above its head, slimy tentacles writhing all over and stumpy legs. However, it was the gaping mouth that held Voodoo Spike's attention. The maw was about the size of a manhole cover and had lots of sharp teeth. A wet, slimy tongue slid over its oversized canines as it gazed on the pathetic human, and spoke in a deep, rumbling voice.

"Mmmmm... midnight snack!"

Gosunkugi tried to scream again, but found that his vocal cords were frozen with fear, along with the rest of his body. As the creature opened its mouth even wider, Voodoo Spike could feel its hot, humid breath on him. It looked like the end to his wretched existence as he shut his eyes and squeaked, "Mommy!"

At that moment, he heard a car come screeching to a halt at the other end of the alley and a pair of headlights illuminated the area. Doors were heard opening and slamming shut. Then a strange noise was heard, followed by an explosion.

FZZZZZZAAAAKKKK! WHUBOOM!

Hikaru then felt something smelly and gooey splash on his feet and when he opened his eyes, he saw that the monster was gone. In its place was a pile of smoking, putrid green and purple ooze on the pavement in front of him. He then looked toward the other end of the alley and saw two people walking toward him. Each person was dressed in black, business attire. One of them was male and wore a three piece suit, tie and dress shoes. The other was female and had on a black vest, tie, skirt and low-heeled pumps. They were carrying some strange weapons that looked like something out of Star Trek. The muzzles of the weapons were still smoking. As the two neared Gosunkugi, he began to make out their faces. His eyes widened as he saw the male stranger's face and remembered...

"R-Ranma... Saotome? Is... that you?"

His rescuer simply reached into his vest and pulled out a pair of dark shades. His comrade did likewise and when they put them on, he then took out a thin, pencil-shaped device and aimed it at Hikaru.

"Ranma? I never heard of him, and neither have you. And as far as you are concerned, you just had a nightmare and had been sleepwalking."

The neuralizer then gave off a light like a camera's flashbulb.

----------

Agent R and Agent Red got back into their Japanese model LTD and drove away from where they left Gosunkugi. The remains of the alien they had vaporized would be totally dissolved in less than five minutes, leaving no trace of it ever having walked the Earth.

"I'm surprised that he still remembered you, R." Red remarked.

"I suppose that Zed didn't consider Voodoo Spike as anyone to be worried about." Agent R replied. "After all, no one ever paid attention to him before. Not that it matters now."

"So, do you think Zed is going to be on our butts for turning that Zankorian into puree?"

R thought about it for a moment and said, "Nah. That Zankorian had more than a dozen execution warrants in five different systems. The way I see it, we saved a bundle on extricating him back to his home world, for a trial that would have ended up with a death sentence anyway."

"I suppose you're right. And he didn't give us much choice back there anyway. So how many aliens have we arrested or blown away since we joined up?"

"Hmmm, let's see..." The one who used to be Ranma Saotome thought back to the time when he and his formally cursed other self had joined up with the MIB. Over the past four and a half-months they had blasted, kicked, punched, pounded and used every martial arts move and advanced weaponry at their disposal, to bring down some of the most dangerous extraterrestrials on Earth. "Counting that Zankorian and the three Mendorsi yesterday, I think we've taken down ninety-seven in three months."

"Don't you think that it's a little strange that all the scumbags we've collared have been mostly around our old stomping grounds?"

"I guess that's one of the reasons why we were chosen to patrol this sector. We know the layout and we've dealt with weird things before."

His red-haired partner was about to say something else when the main viewscreen on their car's dashboard lit up and displayed the face of the head of their organization.

"Zed, what's up?"

The middle-aged man nodded as she spoke to the two. "So how did it go with Qua'nar?"

Agent Red answered for the both of them. "You can tell the Zankorian embassy that the fugitive had been... liquidated. He didn't give us any choice."

"I was just about to inform you two that the Zankorian government had just issued a death sentence for that scumbag, but I guess you beat me to it." Zed remarked, then brought up a new image on their screen. "In any case, here's your next assignment."

"Now wait a minute, Zed." R protested. "We've been getting assignment after assignment for the past three months straight. We've been put through the gauntlet a couple of dozen times now. I think Red and I earned a little downtime."

"You'll be able to kick back after you finish this assignment." The image on the monitor was an ugly-looking weapon of alien origin. "Recognize this?"

Ranko nodded as she remembered seeing the blueprints for such a device in the MIB armory of forbidden alien technology. "Mendorickian gravity-wave cannon. At full power, that thing could pull a moon out of its orbit or disrupt the gravitational fields of a planet, causing it to be ripped apart. Really nasty piece of hardware."

"So what?" Agent Ranma snorted. "I thought they were banned. Agent Kay told me that most Mendorickian weapons were deemed illegal by the Intergalactic Arms Bureau a thousand years ago. All gravity-wave guns were dismantled, and the only blueprints are stored in the MIB armory."

"Not all the guns were dismantled." Zed corrected.

"What?" Both agents said.

"Apparently, before the ban came into effect, a few fanatics who were against the Mendorickians had gotten a hold one of cannons and had hidden it away in a sector of the galaxy that was not under the jurisdiction of the Bureau at the time."

"Let me guess." Agent R rolled his eyes. "They hid it on Earth, right?"

"You got it. A thousand years ago, Earth didn't have any weapons of planetary destruction and it was far enough away from the established trade routes. The Bureau didn't think it was necessary to monitor our world at the time."

"Are you saying that there's a weapon hidden somewhere on Earth that could be used to destroy it?" Agent Red gasped.

"Well it's not as bad as you may think, at least not yet." Zed assured. "What do you mean?!" Both agents demanded.

"Well, the fanatics had been arrested, but before the authorities could find out where they hid the thing, they committed suicide, taking the exact location of the cannon with them. And since no scans of Earth have been able to find it, we can safely assume that its main components have been removed and it is inactive."

"Main components?" Agent R asked.

Ranko nodded. "I remember Agent K telling me about the cannon. It won't work unless its three main parts are in place. I think the cannon needs an ion flux crystal, an oscillating regulator and... a cosmic wave condenser... I think."

"Top marks, Agent Red." Zed praised. "That's exactly what the cannon needs. And since we're not picking up any energy emissions from it, then those three components must have been removed and hidden elsewhere by the fanatics to keep it from being discovered." Already Agent R was getting bored with all this technical jargon. "So what does all this have to do with us?"

"The F'mecks are after the cannon."

"The F'mecks?!" Both agents said together. They were well aware of the eternal enemies of the Arquilians. Though diminutive in size, they were wily and would stop at nothing to destroy their pacifist cousins. The latest news about them aws that they had recently taken over a small planetoid to reside on, after they had inadvertently blew up their home planet F'Moo in a botched attempt to destroy Arquilia. They were still waging war with the peace-loving Arquilians and a gravity-wave cannon would most certainly tip the balance of power in their favor.

"Are you saying that the F'Mecks know where the cannon is?" Ranko asked.

"That's what we think too." Their leader replied. "Our operatives in Tokyo caught several F'Mecks snooping about and when we interrogated them, we found out that they were looking for those three components that you mentioned. The only reason they would be looking for them is because they must know where the cannon is hidden and are planning to use it against the Arquilians. Maybe even us as well. However, before we could get its location, the captured F'Mecks went into a kind of self-induced hibernation and won't wake up for the next six months."

"So if we can't find the cannon, then..." Agent R began.

"We've got to beat them to those three components." Zed finished. "According to the information that we got out of those captured F'Mecks, the fanatics who had hid the cannon had been based in Asia, near what you now know as the Bayankala Mountain Range.

"Hold on a minute!" R said while holding up a hand. "I don't like where this is going."

"Me neither." Red agreed. "Are you saying that..."

"I'm afraid so." Zed confirmed. "We have reason to believe that those three components had fallen into the hands of the Chinese Amazons and had become part of their village treasures. The ion flux crystal, modulator and condenser were disguised as gold carvings, so those warrior women probably didn't know that they had the parts to a planetary weapon."

By now, Arr began to have that sinking feeling. "Wait a second! When I was Ranma Saotome, Cologne had told me that Happosai had stolen all of her village's treasures three hundred years ago. Are you saying that those components are now in Japan?"

Red nodded. "It makes sense, R. Remember that magic mirror and that love pill bracelet? If he had brought those treasures here, then the three components must also be in his possession as well."

"Oh God! So that means..."

"I'm afraid so." Zed nodded. "Agent R, Agent Red... since you two are the most experienced operatives we have in dealing with Happosai and the other residents of that area, I am hereby sending you ... back to Nerima."

Both agents sighed while shaking their heads. It looked as if they had to face up to the lunacy of their past once again.

----------

The next day, at Furinken High...

"There they go again." Nabiki sighed as she watched her sister from the second floor of the school. Akane was pounding the living daylights out of her admirers as they once again tried to defeat her for a date. Things had pretty much settled down into the same routine every day, and the betting pools were in a bit of a slump as interest waned. Akane would beat the mobs and Kuno like clockwork and there seemed to be no point in betting on something that always turned out the same. Oh, there were the occasional wagers on how long it took Nabiki's sister to beat her opponents, but even that had begun to lose its appeal.

Out of the corner of her eye, the middle Tendo daughter noticed an expensive looking car slowly drive by the schoolyard. Its matte black finish and darkened windows caused her to raise an eyebrow, but when it drove on by, she decided to pay it no mind and gazed back at the battlefield.

‹I wish something exciting would happen! Something that could net me a really BIG profit.›

----------

Inside their LTD, Agent R and Agent Red began reviewing the history of the people in Nerima after Ranma Saotome's existence had been erased.

Agent R gestured to the scene of carnage. "Looks like the old beat-Akane-to-date-her thing came back after we left." "Well according to the report, as far as Akane and the rest of the school remembers, it never stopped." Red remarked. "MIB did a really good job in fabricating this alternate history and altering memories. Since Ranma never... ahem, 'existed,' all the people we knew, only remember what MIB had created to explain the year that we spent in Nerima."

The male half of their team nodded as he scanned through the files. "Genma had lost his son during the Neko Ken training and is currently freeloading off the Tendos while hiding from his wife. Ukyo Kuonji had only found out about Ranma's 'death' when she arrived in Nerima and felt free to act like a girl again. That's good. Shampoo and her great-grandmother are here on a foreign visa to open up a business. Mousse later came in and is now working part-time at the Cat Café. Shampoo still can't stand him as she is searching for a male who can defeat her in battle. Ryoga is still... lost." The former Nerima resident continued to read the changes that had taken place and committed them to memory.

After shutting down the console, Agent Red turned to her partner. "So where do we start looking for those components?"

"Well, the most obvious choice would be to check up on Happosai. And as I remember, he does his panty raids at the school right about.... now."

"WHOO HOO! WHAT A HAUL! WHAT A HAUL!"

Both MIB agents nodded as they saw the greatest evil in Japan being chased by a horde of angry females. It was time to go to work.

To be continued...

Author's notes

Well, that takes care of part one of this special four-parter. Once again, I must remind my readers that I am NOT going to make this an ongoing series, once I finish this story arc. My esteemed fellow writer Morden Night will have the honor of continuing RIB after I am done with the special.