Self Insertion

This is a self insertion fic. It's pretty much me and my friend get into a Sliders type mix up. Cept we go to worlds like Animes and Cartoons and Movies and other stuff. Both of us are writing it as well so the Genre will fluctuate. Be warned, be afraid, be readin' my story please. And enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own nothin! Cept me!

* *: Thoughts

[ ]: Chinese

Capital letters: Shouting or loud noises

_ _: Stressed words

~ ~: Computer messages

{ }: Josh's own thoughts

( ): Evan's own thoughts and location

Chapter 1

A World and a Half

Josh sat at the computers at school looking bored. This was probably because he was _bored_. He typed in a message on Yahoo messenger to a person named rokogan_ninja. The message read: ~Hey WAASSSSAAAPPP!! Have you been reading my fics? I need ideas bad.~ Josh looked across the table at somebody with black hair who was looking equally as bored. A message came back a few seconds later on Josh's screen.

~Yeah I been reading yo fics fool, I have no ikea what to do, you be the writer punk...~ Josh frowned at the message.

*Damn it! How am I gonna write these damn fics if I don't get any ideas!?!....Poogaly* Josh thought for a second and typed in another message. ~What you working on now? Need any ideas?~ Josh waited a few seconds and then the message screen popped up once again with his instant message.

~I'm working on Operation Starscream, I need no ideas from you!!! well I could use something for chap 3.~ Josh looked at the screen and then smiled an idea coming to the fore front of his mind (however small it may be).He typed frantically on the keyboard taking menacing glances at the black haired kid across the room. He pressed the enter button _dramatically_ and the message was sent.

On the other side of the room Evan McNeely received an instant message on Yahoo. ~Oh you think so do you? Well I won't give em!!~ Evan glanced at the message and returned to reading up on missed Tick episodes, then responded. ~YEEEESSS You will!!!~ He wrote glaring at the dirty-blonde kid.

Josh received the message Evan had sent him and laughed this started a chain of laughter from both boys and they continued to send back and forth nonsensical messages of weak and pitiful catch phrases that only they really understood. The finished laughing with a sigh and simultaneously wiping an imaginary tear from their eyes.

Josh ignored Yahoo messenger for a minute and opened Google.com typing in Magic spells onto the search box hoping to find some Slayers stuff. Pressing enter, Josh waiting for the results to come up on screen. The computers Internet was going exceptionally slow today so he passed the time by humming the old spice song. Evan started humming with Josh and Josh stopped nearly as soon as hiss friend started, who kept going none the less.

Josh checked a couple sites that came up on the Google site. He clicked on the third one down being that the first two looked to be porn websites. *Lets see!* He thought. *Oooh magical spells with funny incoherent words! PERFECT!!* Josh clicked on a text box on the window and came up with a spell that read at the top of the page. Viewing of worlds. He read the words in his mind for a bit and laughed. Evan looked up to see what his friend was laughing at.

"What's so funny?" He asked Josh motioned for Evan to come over to where he was.

"Yo Come, ere! Yah gotta see this." Josh said as he turned his computer screen slightly to the side. "This is the funniest crap I ever seen!" Evan got out of his chair ignoring the Tick episodes for the moment vowing to come back to finish what he had started.

"What is it Joshikins?" He said as he walked over to the other side of the table to see the Humourous incantation.

Josh frowned, although he had trouble doing so he had been laughing so hard. "Stop calling me that already! It sounds dumb!" Evan shrugged. Josh motioned to the screen. "Check it out! It's some kinda site that has all these made up spells on it look at the _incantation_ of this one" Josh said as he made quotation mark signs with his hands to stress the word incantation.

Evan read the words out loud as he leaned over to read them. "Wifity snifity, Yahl rahben goulshnektal gill bob nigastro kinmarita lick eesomee pussaatylif Rasha Babba Ganushillmara....(holds in laughter) Irritaglydope dsjweoa shnell!" They both started laughing at the stupid ass words but stopped when the school started shaking violently.

"AAAAAHHH SHIT!! Theres an EARTHQUAKE!!!" Yelled Josh as he jumped out of his chair and dived under the table on which the computers in the computer lab sat. Evan tried to join him but was shoved out violently. "NO _my_ table!" Josh said jokingly although it felt like the school would collapse on their heads.

It all stopped suddenly. Josh poked his head out from underneath the table to look around to see the extent of the damage. "Holy Cow Battyman!" Evan said sarcastically, "It seems we have survived this ordeal to go through another one some other time, Or preferably not."

Josh looked around confused. "What just happened!!??" *------* Evan thought (I don't think very much so there was next to no point to that last part.)

"I think we had a earthquake then it suddenly stopped." said Evan, stating the obvious.

"Well we _know_ that!" Josh said pondering the current events.

All of a sudden an orange coloured hole with dark rigs spiraling around the inside and red streams of lightning like energy opened up in front of the two writers. It was large enough to fit two people easily, It started to expand and grow spiraling rings that seemed to effect the gravity around the pair. Josh and Evan found themselves pulled into the orange hole. "CRAAAAPPPITYYYYYYY!!" Josh yelled as they were sucked in. Evan just screamed incoherence.

**************

(ELSWHERE an possibly ELSEWHEN as well)

In a valley, filled with beautiful springs as far as the eye could see. There was a hut to one corner of the valley, it seemed small and wooden from the distance. Josh and Evan found themselves falling in that peaceful valley, they fell from a height of ten meters into a spring, well Josh landed in the spring. Evan hit the cold hard earth like a stone, leaving an Evan shaped imprint in the ground. "Ooooohhhh." Evan moaned, "Where in sam hell am I!? Well other than in my imprint..." Evan pondered this for a quick second then shrugged it off and crawled out of the hole. "Hey cool!!! We are out of school... Will they call this in...?" Evan wondered as he walked next to a nearby spring to get a drink.

Josh was annoyed although not to much. He had impacted with the water really hard and in a belly flop as well. Not only that but the spring was deep and he had been sent down nearly to the bottom. He swam to the surface frantically as he began to run out of air. *Air, Air, Air, Air, Air, Air, Air, Air, Air!!!!* Was all that he was thinking of at the moment. He broke the surface _dramatically_ startling Evan who was nearby heading for the very spring he was in.

"Aaaaaah." Josh sighed as he breathed the fresh air. "It's good to be alive!" He looked around at the surrounding area. "Hmm This place looks familiar." Josh noticed the higher pitch to _his_ voice. "HUH!" He said in an even higher pitched voice as _he_ looked down at _his_ chest. Which was sporting a pair of _female_ breasts. He could also se in the reflection in the water that his facial features had changed as well to that of a females. "Oooohh! I get it! I'm dreaming. This is the Nyanichuan from Ranma ½, and I just appeared out of the sky and landed in it."

Josh began to chuckle. *Oh I better be right!* He thought. Evan walked over to the spring and looked at his dramatically changed friend.

"Joshikins?" He asked. Josh punched him in the stomach with a frown on her delicate features. Evan nearly fell forward into the same spring but he held back and decided not to.

"I told you _not_ to call me that!" She yelled. *Well I felt that so this is real.* She reasoned with herself in her own mind. "Evan! If you make one stupid comment about my current situation, I will _Kill_ you!" Evan looked confused.

"Situation? What situation?" He asked. Josh turned beet red and punched him in the groin. Evan fell to the ground holding his genitals and squeaking in pain. "Groinal.....area....in pain!" He said. Josh pulled herself out of the spring and shook some of the water out of her overly baggy blue jeans.

"Hey, um Josh, You're a chick." Evan said in general confusion.

"Yes, I have noticed." Josh said as she finished getting the water out of her pants.

"Are we, um, in, say, Ranma?" Evan said as the pieces came together. "And, you fell into that spring, like the one Ranma fell into, and now you're a chick..."

"Basically." Josh commented calmly.

Evan began to laugh. "You're a girl! And I'm not! I fell through the ground and you got turned into a girl! Man you have the worst luck." He said laughing till he fell over.

"I told you I'd kill you didn't I." Josh replied angrily. "And besides I can turn back into my old self with a splash of hot water."

"So... You still a chick if I splash you with cold water, Man I'm seriously loading up on Super Soakers!" He said seeming fairly amused with himself.

Josh sighed and gave up. She walked towards the guides hut so she could get some hot water and hopefully some restraints so Evan couldn't splash her or anything. "Jerk!" She muttered to herself as Evan came jogging up behind her limping strangely because of his broken, um, _limb_. *The word jerk just seemed to be the right word to use in this situation, or rather this world. Josh reasoned.*

Evan muttered a mantra to himself as he limp/jogged up to josh who was now knocking on the small wooden door to the hut. "Ouchity, Ouchity, Ouchity, Ouchity, Ouchity, Ouchity, Ouchity, Ouchity!" He muttered in genuine pain. The guide answered shortly after Josh had knocked. The short, bald, Chinese man looked up at the soaked girl who stood before him. She looked Caucasian so he guessed English would be the appropriate to use.

"What you like Miss? I not giving out food so if hungry find resaurant." He said as he entered back into the hut Josh caught the door as he was about to shut it.

"Wait!" Josh cried. "I just need some hot water! We won't be long." The guide looked at the boy turned girl and made an educated guess on why she needed hot water.

"Oh miss! You fall in Jusenkyo, yes?" He asked. Josh nodded in confirmation.

"Yeah that's about it." She said water dripping off of every part of her now very feminine and beautiful body. The guide took Josh's hand and led her into the hut.

"I get hot water. That reverse curse and return to normal self, yes?" He said. Josh followed behind and just about crashed into the stumpy mans back as he turned around to look at Evan. "You fall into spring to, yes?" He asked. Evan shook his head and squinted his eyes as he smiled.

"No sir! Me no fall in spring. Me just on vacation from school, yes?" He said in a mock Chinese voice. The guide frowned and slammed the door on the arrogant boys nose who fell back holding the newly injured part of his anatomy. "OOOOOOWWWW By node!" He yelled as he lay on the ground rolling back and forth in pain.

*Stupid Americans!* Thought the runty Chinese Jusenkyo guide. *Always saying stupid things! Letting their mouths run faster than their tiny brains!* The guide left Josh in the larger room and walked to the tiny kitchen in his home. He got out a thermos, one of the many he had on stock and held it out to Josh. Who took it and poured it over her head.

*Aaaah that's better.* He thought as he patted himself down to make sure. *It feels weird not having a splong.* Josh nodded his thanks to the guide and left to get Evan and leave. He found Evan on the ground holding his nose and muttering to himself. "Lets go." He said as he walked off expecting his dark haired friend to follow.

Evan didn't disappoint him and he jogged to catch up with him. "Where are we going?" He asked. Josh shrugged his shoulders and continued walking in no general direction.

" Well, I guess we'll head to the Tendo Dojo in Japan." He said Evan nodded.

"Oh. Righty oh then." He replied in a fake British accent. Josh sighed.

"Oh yeah. Don't forget to avoid any thing that might look like a Chinese Amazon." Josh said as he walked along a dirt path towards nowhere in particular.

Evan nodded and our two adventurers headed off into the great unknown new world that they were trapped on. Of course what would self insert story be without problems?

************

(Later)

In a small Chinese village somewhere along the coast of China, Josh was now in female form and in a rather skimpy waitress uniform that left not much of anything to the imagination. At the moment she was waiting tables in the packed place. "AAAAGH!" She yelled in surprise as her ass was pinched from behind by one of the more bold customers. *Uuugh!* She thought. *The first thing I do when we get to civilized society is taking a shower! I wish Evan was the cursed one, than he would have been the one to have to take this damn job!*

Josh's thoughts were interrupted when she got a good firm slap on the ass from behind. She jumped and was about to wail the guy one for it but she remembered the thing the owner of the establishment had said when she had been hired.

(FLASHBACK)

["Alright I'll take the girl. She can wait tables this other kid ain't gonna work though."] Josh took out a booklet from her jean pockets and flipped to a page.

["Uhm, Thank you letting us job have."] She said slowly in Chinese with a very broken accent. Josh put the book away and bowed to the man.

["Oh yeah the guy said. No fighting if I even see yah start to get violent I'll be throwin you out!"] The man said roughly before grabbing a waitress uniform and tossing it to Josh. ["You start now! Go get changed girly!"]

Josh didn't fully understand what the man was saying but she knew generally what he was saying. She had picked up a learn Chinese in twelve easy lessons book from a run down old book store. She had been studying it ever since then. She still wasn't a pro but could understand most of what people said.

(Present) Josh lowered her petite fist and just settled for a glare after snatching the tip the man offered her. *Pigs!* She thought. *I can't believe I agreed to this! Well...We did need the money so we could head for Japan.* Josh reasoned with herself as she carried a tray full of dirty dishes to the back room. *Evan had better be looking for more work right now! I want ta get outa this dump as fast as I can!*

**********

(ELSEWHERE)

Evan is totally smashed off Saki, and was sleeping in an empty alleyway. He had found a knife that he guarded his humble abode with. He was sleeping for less than a minute when some idiot came up and stole his only possession in this world. He awoke with a huge hangover. He stumbled out into the street and was greeted with screams. He then looked down and realized he had no pants. He shrugged and continued down the street, Women passed out and men gawked at his massive "Splong". He fell over and began to sleep in the middle of the street. {Evan wrote this part}

*********

Josh sweated and thought about the many possible stupid things that his friend was probably doing. *That dumb ass probably got drunk and passed out in the street.* She thought as she changed out of her waitress clothes and into her regular jeans and a t-shirt in the back of the shop. She left after picking up her money for the day. She had been working here for three days now. Evan had been found drunk in alleys each time she had finished work. Usually without pants.

Josh runs out of the shop and finds Evan passed out on the street in front of the shop next door. Women gathered around gazing in amazement at the afore mentioned "Splong". Josh grabbed evan by the shirt collar and dragged him about a mile to the out skirts of the town in a small clearing where their small camp was located. "Josh threw Evan into the tent which they had bought from a poor guy for five bucks. "GET DRESSED YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!" Josh yelled. "STOP GETTING _DRUNK_!!! your under age." She finished the last part in an almost whisper.

Evan woke up again at the sound of her voice with an even bigger headache than before."Ooooohhh!" He moaned as he held his head in pain. *I need a drink! That'll calm the pain.*

Josh smacked Evan really hard upside the head. "DAMN IT! I know your thinking of gettin _pasted_ again _moron_! Cut it out!" Evan nodded and passed out from pain.

{By the way we exaggerated Evan's splong. It's actually quite tiny! I've heard the rumors.}

(That's what Josh thinks, many a woman has told me other wise.)

************

(The next day)

Evan and Josh were walking into town, Josh heading to her job and Evan originally going to waste all Josh's money on Saki. But a strange twist of fate occurred in the market place. Some of the women from yesterday were intrigued by Evan's massive member and were going to pay big bucks to see it again.

["Hey you, big cock"] said one of the women who recognized him from the day before. ["We will pay you to take off you clothes, 5000 yen or more. No more than 10000 yen though."]

Evan's eyes glazed over as all the fast Chinese flew over his only English speaking head. "Um Joshikins, What in Sam hell did they just say?" Asked Evan as his eyes returned to normal.

Josh translated quickly and said. "Evan, they want you to take off your clothes for a lot of cash."

"Um isn't that wrong, you know like man whoring?" He said as he thought it over which took next to no time.*Hold up! This is my dream come true! I get paid for sex like things! BOOYA!* He thought. "Josh, tell them I'll do it!"

Josh reluctantly agreed but attempted to convince him otherwise. "I'll do it, but man you have a girlfriend at home. Think about it first. Wait stupid question." Josh said as he remembered that Evan tends not to think. *Hell, look at the last three days its cold, hard proof!* Josh thought about that for a second. *Maybe _hard's_ not the right word to use in this situation.* Josh shrugged and addressed the females.

["He do it, but! Make sure he drink no alcohol! And try not be to talka...tive with him. He no speaka Chinese."] The girls all smiled and giggled Chinese-like. Evan sweated. It seemed an awful lot like Josh was plotting something evil.

*I'm in trouble!* Evan thought as he was walked off by a group of about thirty women. Josh shook his head as he heard Evan scream out in the distance: "I AM THE SEX _KING_!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*Alas poor Evan! I knew him well.* Josh tsked to herself as she headed off to quit her piece of rotten ass job. She walked in and threw the waitress uniform at the guy who ran the place. ["I QUIT!"] Another evil smile crossed her face as she got an idea. She walked out into the dining area where all the patrons sat waiting to be served and yelled out: ["I ACTUALLY A GUYYYYYYYY!!!!!"] She screamed and started cackling madly.

All of the patrons looked at their hands simultaneously and nearly threw up. Josh smiled as she strutted out the front door with a HHHUUUGGGEEE smile on her triumphant face.

(Later at the house of love, namely a shack in the basement on the corner of Gerry's bait shop.)

Evan sighed and rolled over off the huge bed for thirty. "And, I'm spent!" Several of the Chinese women growled at the boy. One of them voiced the thoughts of all of them.

"HEY BOY! We no _finished_ with you! You got fifteen more to go!" the blonde chinese girl said in very broken English. Evan groaned.

"Can't we just cuddle!?!" He whined. The girls all pounced on him with a simultaneous shout of NO! Evan screamed in utter pain and torment, with a hint of pleasure.

***********

(ELSWHERE)

Josh looked up from the ground. *What was that?* She thought in confusion. *hmmm? Ill just go and get evan. Our boat leaves in an hour. Luckily {or unluckily} that girl gave me the address that they would be doing the, uh, deed.*

Josh knocked on the door of the house she waited for a few seconds when the door to the small shack flew open nearly knocking her over. A orange and skincoloured blur rushed past grabbing onto her arm and dragging her towards the dock. "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN!!!" Screamed the blur named Evan. He pulled the startled Josh along behind him. Josh flapped in the wind like a flag.

*Wow!* the dirty-blonde boy turned girl thought. *apparently just being in an anime world gives us anime physics.* Josh looked back at the mob of half naked women running behind them. "Holy SHIT!" She cried.

Josh repositioned her self and picked Evan up in her arms, then she began running even faster. "Lets not look back now shall we?" She asked a gasping Evan who appeared to be a mass of flesh stretched over top of a skeleton.

"Don, wanna die." Evan said weakly. Josh ran faster seeing as how the women where catching up. "Got...money...now...we..leave...fast." Said Evan in a staggering voice. Josh booked it up the boarding ramp and onto the boat just as the ramp started to rise, trapping the hoard of angered women on the other side. "We... are... safe... now?" asked the skeleton man named Evan as he passed out in Josh's arms.

Josh gracefully threw Evan to the ground and took the 10,000 yen out of his back pocket. *Man I despise going back there.* She grimaced as she groped around for the money. *I am seriously washing my hands then burning any clothing that touches his ,um, end part (also know as an ass.).

The boat headed across the mass of water and Evan slowly regained body matter and consciousness. [ "What is going on here!?!" ] He said in Chinese which he had picked up when having his "rendevous" with the Chinese women. ]"And why was I talking in Chinese?"] He pondered.

"I honestly don't know, but you need to know Japanese now." Josh stated calmly As she looked over her Learn Japanese in twelve easy steps book. "Oh yeah I got you something too." She said.

*Please be Saki! Please be Saki! Please be Saki!* Evan thought hopefully. He was disappointed as he received a book titled: SAA, or Saki Alcoholics Anonymous, and sub titled: how to kick the habit in 5 easy steps. Josh turned around and headed for a cabin. Realizing they got on unnoticed and could possibly ride for free.

************

(later in their cabin,((which they had to buy for three thousand yen.)))

Evan sat on the edge of his bed. He looked over at the bed across the room where onna-Josh was snoring loudly, making sure she wasn't just faking it. He looked backed down at this lap and adjusted his glasses. He began to mutter to himself. "I am not worthless, people like me, I am one with god. Saki is not needed to make me feel happy." He looked across to Josh again to make sure once more and continued. "Saki is a drug, an addiction, a weakness."

Evan closed the book and lay back in his bed. *MAN! This stuff makes no sense! Who could understand this gibberish!* just then Josh fell off of her bed and hit the floor with a loud thump. She woke up and looked around groggily.

She rubbed her eyes and stood up off the floor. "I need food." She said as she picked up her glasses off of the night stand that was at the head of her bed. She walked like a zombie towards the door hands extended out in front of her. She left the room and headed for the kitchen. Evan blink blinked.

"Josh sleep walks?" He said as he scratched the back of his head. He walked over and took the learn Japanese book off of Josh's night stand. *Maybe this will put me to sleep.* He sat on the bed and opened to the first page.

"Ohayo......" Evan then was knocked out cold by the boringness of learning Japanese,(Or just learning in general) and his head hit off the bed post with a loud THWACK! He fell to the floor with a thump, much like Josh had done earlier. Only he didn't move. He was snoring like a baby, er, a chainsaw. {yeah that's the ticket!},(Actually I sound like a chainsaw strapped to a bear when I snore but chainsaw will do...for now)

**********

(The next day)

Josh woke up to a pleasant sight. A lot of food lay before her on a table. "Hey!" she said. "This is better than waking up beside Angelina Jolie!" She exclaimed as she began to eat all the food in Ranma ½ speed. Josh then just realized something. *Hey! Isn't this like not allowed on the ship. Didn't they say not to go near the kitchen?* Josh pondered that for a short second. *Oh well!* She then proceeded to load all of the contents of the table into a large bag and carried it back to her room.

*Hee, hee, hee!* She thought as she crept down the hall to bunk number 98a. She spotted Evan on the floor, with the learn to speak Japanese book laying on top of his face. "Well I'll be! He actually decided to learn something useful...Will wonders never cease?" Josh walked over and nudged her friend awake, or tried to.

She tried several things {non violent.} to wake the boy up but nothing worked. She decided to use violence and kicked him in the head. {the least sensitive part of his anatomy}(least important too!) Evan finally awoke. Josh opened the bag to his mouth and he woke up fully from the smell. "Ohayo!" He said to Josh. Josh said same back and he set out the food on a place mat on the floor that she pulled out of nowhere.

"Yeah apparently I got some food last night. You like?" She asked Evan who started drooling at the sight of the feast.

"Foooooood!" Evan jumped into the pile devouring anything he could see. Josh joined him not wanting to be left out.

The meal ended with the two friends fighting tooth and claw for the last chicken leg. Which was being pulled apart by both combatant's teeth. Josh's feminine eyes were filled with blood lust. Evans were filled with, um, Evan-ness. {goofy eyes like the Simpsons}(Teacher! I ate my Crayon!!) {remember when you saw snagglepuss in the play ground Ralphy?}(he was going to the bathroom!)

(Back to the story)

Josh and Evan exited off the ramp onto the Japanese dock. Josh had no luck finding any hot water on the ship so he was forced to stay a she. *Damn it! Why me?* She thought with sadness as they left the dock. Josh looked at the learn Japanese book and just prayed that reading that thing every night on the journey here would pay off.

The two walked off of the dock and into the busy streets of Tokyo. They continued walking until it got dark. They found an empty lot where they set up camp. For some reason Evan knew perfect Japanese. Josh still had a pretty strong accent. *I don't know how he learned perfect Japanese in one night but I oughta give him a hoof in the nuts for it!* She thought.

They went to sleep Evan dreaming about women and Sake and taking off his pants, and josh of Okinomiyaki their inevitable encounter with Ranma and just about every oriental dish there was. Of course the meeting with the Tendo's was sure to be a little bit _violent_ but Josh also dreamed about the ways that she would manipulate the cast with her knowledge.

************

(The NEXT Day)

Josh and Evan walked down the street with a map with directions on it. Evan was looking over the smaller girls shoulder at the map Josh shoved him out of the way. "Stop looking over my shoulder Damn It!" She said sternly. Evan put his hands up in the air innocently.

"What!?" He said. Josh just sighed and continued on down the street. Evan walked behind being quiet. This bugged Josh more than anything He had ever done. *What the hell is he up to?!* She thought angrily. *I swear to god he's plotting on me!* Josh's thoughts were interrupted by the sight of the Tendo Dojo.

"Aaah!" Josh said. "We're here." Evan smiled and followed behind quietly again. Josh shivered and entered through the large gate and into the Tendo's court yard. She heard yelling from inside the door. "Yup! This is most _deffinetly_ the place." She and the silent Evan walked to the front door and Josh knocked.

He heard stomping coming through the house indicating that Akane was coming to answer the door. Josh _Big_ sweated. *Oh shit! I do not need this!* She thought as the door was slammed open.

"Who is it!" Said an angry Akane at the door. Josh put his hands up hoping that it would stop the wrath of Akane.

"Um hey!" Said Josh in flawless Japanese, though she still had an accent. "Akane...Um, I'm kinda looking for Ranma." Akane frowned more.

"What are you?! Another fiancee." Josh wilted at the violent tomboy of a girls exclamation. And frowned herself.

"Nnnoooo! I'm just a friend. Why are you so Damn violent!?" She said. Akane turned around in a huff and stomped back into the house.

"Hmmmph! RANMAAAAAA! You got _another_ FIANCÉ here to see you!!!" Josh winced as the girl ran up the stairs into her room stomping purposely louder than normal to show her displeasure.

Josh and Evan watched after her and soon Ranma came to the door. "Hey who are you?" He asked in genuine confusion. He frowned as a thought occurred to him. "If your another fiancee, my Oyaji made all of those promises and I ain't marryin, nobody."

Josh smiled. "Yeah! I know how you feel. That fiancee crap's probably been going on for some time." Ranma looked at the gaijin girl in confusion.

"You actually know about that?" He said in confusion. Josh slipped her arm around Ranma's shoulders and led him inside.

"That will all be explained in a moment, my friend. But first, I need some hot water." Josh said with a really cute smile on her face.

*************

Of course what would this story be without spying eyes and jealous fiancee's? Akane did not actually go to her room. The youngest of the Tendo daughters was at the top of the stairs looking down at the happenings of Ranma , Josh, and Evan {who for some reason is very quiet}. *Ooooh! I knew it! I knew that gaijin was another fiancee! Just look at the way she's fondling him!* Akane left to her room in a huff thinking to herself insults all along the way.

*Jerk! Pervert! Baka! Playboy! Sex changing Freak!* It went on like this in her mind for about the whole time that she was in her room sulking.

*************

(Later)

Josh, in male form, Evan, and Ranma sat at the Tendo living room table. Ranma looked at Josh. "I see." He said. "So you were cursed by the Nyanichuan too." Josh nodded his head.

"Yeah."

Ranma smiled. "That's good to know. I'm glad I'm not the only one." Josh nodded.

"Yeah, I know exactly how you feel." Ranma pointed at Evan.

"Does he turn into anything?" He asked. "How come he doesn't speak?" Josh shook his head.

"No he's not cursed. He's just a big idiot." Josh said.

"Hey!" Evan retaliated.

Josh frowned. "Why he's not talking is a mystery. He usually has something stupid to say every second of the day." Josh then leaned on the table and looked at Ranma strictly business like. "Now, Ranma. We're looking for a place to stay, the only places that we can think of are the Tendo Dojo, U-chan's, and The Nekohanten. We're not to fond of the idea of staying at the Nekohanten. So we narrowed it down to Tendo dojo and U-chan's. Do you think Kasumi will let us stay?" Ranma looked like he was thinking.

"How do you know so much about me and my friends?" Ranma asked the dirty-blonde gaijin. Josh shrugged.

"I don't know I guess I'm just really smart." Ranma looked suspicious. "How do I know your not out to get me? How do I know your not trying to win the heart of one of my many fiances?"

Josh just shrugged. "Okay so I'll ask Kasumi obviously your useless." He said. Ranma bristled at the comment, Josh continued. "Is Kasumi here? Or is she out getting groceries or something?" Josh asked. "I'll just look for her myself. Hell at least she isn't as clueless as you fem-boy." He said as he stood up and walked towards the kitchen in search of the eldest Tendo daughter.

"Hey now just wait a minute!" Ranma called after Josh as he jumped up and chased him down. "What do you mean useless?! I'm Saotome Ranma! There ain't nothing I can't do!" Josh ignored him and continued his search for Kasumi.

*************

Back in the living room Evan sat at the table being quiet. He looked around the living room where he sat at the moment there wasn't much to do around here. He was afraid to speak at all to Ranma, he had seen the anime and usually anything anyone said would get them into trouble. Instead of talking he opted for looking for someplace to sleep. It wasn't long before he found a couch. He smiled and dive bombed onto the couch ready for his nap.

"WICKITY!" He yelled as he sailed through the air towards his destination. He landed on the silky soft couch softly then proceed to pass out.

Josh came back to the Tendo living room a few minutes later with Ranma walking right behind him.

"Hmmm. I guess Kasumi's gone out shopping." Josh said as he gave one last look around the room for the eldest Tendo girl. Ranma looked at Josh with a little confusion.

"Why do you want to stay here with the Tendo's?" He asked. "You have heard how violent it gets around here? Right?" Josh just shrugged and sat back down at the table in the middle of the room.

"Yeah well I have to stay here. I need to learn martial arts so that I can stay alive long enough to find my way home." Ranma looked at Josh as if he had figured out the answer to a great puzzle.

"Oh I get it! You want me to teach you anything goes right? Well _forget_ it! We don't know anything about you and we can't just teach the art to just anyone." Josh tried to give Ranma the puppy dog eyes but it just didn't work. He decided to try plan B.

With that plan of action in mind Josh Ran back to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Ranma watched as the blonde kid left then came back in his girl form with an empty glass of water. She set the empty glass on the table and bowed down before Ranma.

"PLEEEAAASSSEE!!! Let me be your student! I'll do anything! I want to be like you!" Ranma looked down at the pathetic display that Josh was trying to use on him. Ranma kept on saying in his mind that he wouldn't let it work on him no matter how cute she was. But his thoughts faltered at Onna-Josh's next words.

"_Everyone_ wants to be like you Ranma! Your name is heard and recognized all the way back in Canada! Your famous known as Ranma the _great_! Ranma the _Magnificent_! Ranma the _Perfect_!" Josh then grabbed onto Ranma's legs and began to beg. "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEAAAAASE!?!?!?!?!"

Ranma began to sweat, and his ego began to inflate tenfold. If one looked carefully they could see that his head was _actually_ getting bigger. {By the way Evan's not here and that's why I put him to sleep. So I could take over.}

Ranma nodded. "ALRIGHT! I'll _do_ it!" He said as he began to day dream about his perfection. *All the way to Canada!* He thought with wonder as he stared off into space.

Josh got up off of the ground and latched onto Ranma in a huge bone-crushing hug. "THANK YOU SO MUCH!!" She screamed. She opened her eyes to see two girls standing in the doorway looking at her with malice. Josh began to sweat a lot. For he recognized both of the girls.

The one with the long purple hair, wearing a pink Chinese cheongsang was no doubt Shampoo. She was staring daggers at her and josh let go of Ranma, He also noticed Ukyo holing her trademark oversized spatula. Josh waved her hands in front of her hoping to ward off the inevitable attack.

"Sh-Sh-Shampoo! Ukyo! It's not what you think I was just..." Josh was cut off as the two girls gave off battle cries simultaneously. And leapt towards the non-martial artist aquatransexual, both with weapons extended.

Josh tried to get out of the way of the initial attack but Shampoos Bonbori slammed into Josh's arm knocking her across the room into a wall and breaking her arm. They were about to attack again but Ranma stopped them as he heard the girls arm break from the Bonbori blow.

"STOP IT GIRLS YOU'LL _KILL_ HIM!" He yelled trying to get them to stop struggling. It didn't work though as the girls saw this as him trying to protect the girl that he had chosen behind their backs.

"RANMA GET OUT OF SHAMPOO WAY!! OBSTACLES IS FOR KILLING!" She yelled hoping to rid the girl from their misery. She had come over to the Tendo dojo to give Ranma a special Ramen that would literally make him fall in love with her, as it was drugged with another love spice. Instead she finds Ranma with another girl that they had never seen before.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY RAN-CHAN I WANT TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO THAT HUSSY!" Ukyo yelled as she tried to get past Ranma. Ranma had, had enough and he threw the two angered girls back out into the koi pond. Shampoo inevitably turned into a cat and Ukyo just got wet. Both of them just sat there watching as Ranma went over to the fallen gaijin girl and picked her up cradling her in his arms.

Ranma set her down on the floor and then walked over to the phone. He picked up the reciever and dialed in the number for Tofu's Clinic. "Moshi Moshi? Hai Tofu-san. There's a girl over here and she's hurt. I think her arms broken.... Okay I'll wait." With that Ranma hung up the phone and sat by Josh to make sure she wasn't attacked by the other girls while he waited for doctor Tofu to arrive.

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{Well I decided to end the first chapter here. Can you believe this!?! My first day at the Tendo dojo and _already_ I've been attacked by crazed fiances and gotten my arm broken! You would probably think that since I'm the writer I would go easy on myself and just all of a sudden get everything I wanted. NOT! I totally am gonna be brutal on me, and especially Evan. I want this to be a little bit realistic and not to goofy. I also didn't just start the insertion in a random place. You will see stuff that corresponds to the Manga series later. Evan wasn't here to help me write it so I just kind of put him to sleep. And as for Evan's behavior? That is actually how he acts. And _I_ am actually good at acting thus my little spiel to get Ranma to train me in the art. Since I know the characters so well why not manipulate them? Hey what ever works eh? I've kind of got a system worked out here and Ranma 1/2 is not the only world I will be visiting. I've got plans big plans. So stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of Josh and Evan's adventures in "Self Insertion". Next chapter my arm get's fixed, Evan gets drunk and loses his pants, and Josh solves all of Ranma's problems, or at least he tries. So come back and find out what happens next.}

Ja ne

Morden Night

http://josh_vh.tripod.com/mordensranmapage/