Self Insertion
This is a self insertion fic. It's pretty much me and my friend get into a Sliders type mix up. Cept we go to worlds like
Animes and Cartoons and Movies and other stuff. Both of us are writing it as well so the Genre will fluctuate. Be
warned, be afraid, be readin' my story please. And enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own nothin! Cept me!
* *: Thoughts
[ ]: Chinese
Capital letters: Shouting or loud noises
_ _: Stressed words
~ ~: Computer messages
{ }: Josh's own thoughts
( ): Evan's own thoughts and location
Chapter 4
Panties
*Hurt!! Pain!! Ouchiekins!!!* Thought Evan as he attempted to stand up from his hospital bed. *That teacher kicked
my ass. Maybe I'm not dreaming... I gots to go see my psych.*
"Hello? Is anyone here? I'm hurting and standing and it doesn't mix well." Said Evan as he collapsed to the cold
floor.
*Shiznack it's cold here. I'ma gonna get up now.* Evan thought as he attempted to stand again to no avail. Evan hit
the floor with a thud. "Never mind the standing part. I'm on the floor and still in pain!" Evan became thoughtful
*Maybe this is real. I'm not dreaming am I?? I don't friggen know!! Whoh wave of pain... Evan go bye bye...* He
thought just as he passed into unconsiousness.
*********
"Well my girl how do you like it?"
"SHUT UP! YOUR TRAINING IS CRAP! DO ACTUALLY GET YOUR KICKS OUT OF BEING BEATEN
NEARLY TO DEATH? I'm a guy at the moment so don't call me girl!" Said josh in mael form as he ran alongside
Happosai as a throng of angry females charged after them screaming obseities and waving large blunt objects around
in the air.
"Josh my girl. You've got to understand how this actually trains you." Happosai said with a grin as he flipped up a
young girls skirt as he passed by her.
Josh rolled his eyes and did just as his new master just did moments before to another highschooler. "It's obvious, you
up your stealth techniques by stealing their panties right off of them and then you make sure they see you and you
gain resistence to pain and such from all of the beatings they give you."
Happosai stopped in his tracks and stared at the blonde boy with shock, "How did you...?" Josh just folded his arms
and glared at the old man.
"Oh please it's obvious! I knew that even before you gave me that pressure point. The only thing I don't understand
fully is why you have to cop a feel every time, and why do you always keep their undergarments? It's unnatural."
"That's my personal bui..."
The old man was cut off when the mob caught up with them and gave them a beating.
Meanwhile on a rooftop nearby Ranma watched and assessed the situation. *Hmmm. He's good and he gets better
everyday. He'll never be as good as me though. Well at least I now know why Happosai always wants me to go panty
hunting.* with that thought Ranma jumped to another roof and began leaping rooftops in the general direction of the
Tendo Dojo.
**************
Evan found himself back in his hospital bed strapped down and buckled in. *Wha!! I'm being treated like Hannibal!! I
hope I didn't eat anyone...* Just then a man walked in who appeared to be a doctor. *If I'm right and I usually am
not... That must be Tofu or a doctor of some sort..*
"Um hi." Evan said nervously to the doctor. "Who are you?"
"I'm Tofu." The tall man in a brown gi replied calmly as he examined his patient.
"Um this isn't some alternate reality where I'm Hannibal Lecter is it?" Asked a confused Evan.
"Hannawho???" The doctor asked in genuine confusion.
"Um just a serial people eater. Man I'm glad I'm not him."
"Uh yeah so am I." The doctor said worriedly "I spoke with your Shirk and she says you are to go straight to her
when you are finished here because of your 'disabilities'."
"Yup ok. Can I go yet. My psych is hot."
"Sure thing kid you are free to go anytime. Your wounds were mostly bruises and scrapes with minor cuts and some
internal bleeding." Tofu reported calmly.
****************
At Shosuro's apartment
"So you did recover from the massive beating." Shosuro said as she sat down in a large leather chair.
"Um yeah I cleaned up quickly. That's something you anime worlds got going for you." Evan continued upon seeing
Shosuro's confused look. "Ok I just found out that I was transported from my world, the 'real' world, to this 'Ranma
1/2' world. So you can remove the skitso notice thingie. K"
Shosuro jotted some quick notes and began speaking. "I'm going to hook you up to some machinery and ask a few
questions, Ok Evan?"
"Yeah. Sure. Whatever." Evan said as he glanced around in search of the machinery.
Shosuro slid back a fake wall to the left of Evan and revealed a large laboratory with stockpiles of mechanical
devices. Evan almost fainted at the sight.
"You sit here." Shosuro ordered as she pointed to a chair in the midst of the lab.
"O-Ok." A very frightened Evan said as he edged towards the door of Shosuro's apartment.
"SIT!" Shosuro said menacingly.
Two hours later
"I guess your not a skitso after all." Shosuro exclaimed.
Evan sat strapped into the chair with IV after IV plugged into him. A look of pure terror plastered to his face.
********
Josh walked through the door to the Tendo Residence and walked straight to the couch. He lay down and gave a
contented sigh. Happosai's training was weird yet affective. The women from earlier had beaten him senseless and
somehow Happosai got away. Obviously he was in it for the fun. Josh felt a red hot chi signature nearby and sat
upright looking directly at Akane who was glaring at him. He had no idea why, because he had done nothing to
aggravate her to much since he got here.
"What's up?" Josh asked the short black haired girl.
"Where have you been!?" She asked threateningly. "Ranma told me you were out stealing panties with Happosai. I
knew you were a pervert all along!" Josh rolled his eyes and lay back down on the couch.
"I was training, Akane. Obviously you wouldn't know the difference between that and just plain old panty stealin,
after all when's the last time you _actually_ trained? I sent apology notes to all the girls anyway. Relax."
Akane's temper flared but Josh just lay there with his hands behind his head. Akane growled and then stomped off up
to her room. Josh smirked to himself and then began to doze off into dreamland.
SPLASH!!!
Josh jolted upright with a start and looked around to see who it was that splashed him, now _her_. "Wh-What the?!"
She spotted Nabiki standing over her with a pail of water and her usual smirk on. "What do you want Nabiki?" Josh
asked in a dull almost challenging tone.
Nabiki only smiled wide and handed the girl a pair of skimpy lingerie. "Time for your close up Mrs. Devil." She said.
Josh sighed and grabbed the feminine undergarments.
"Yeah, yeah! I know." Josh struggled against the pain of thirty women having beaten her up earlier and stood off of
the couch. She then followed The middle Tendo sister upstairs for her, questionable, photo shoot. *you win some you
lose some. Oh well at least it gives me a place to stay while I'm here.* She thought as she walked up the stairs trying
not to stare at the other girls swaying behind. *least I get a place with a view.*
*************
Akane sat at her desk with a math book open. *Stupid Perverts!* she thought as she scribbled little doodles of Ranma
and Josh with devil horns platypus bills and octopus tentacles. Though most would probably say it looked like a frying
pan. *Why do I always get stuck with a bunch of Freaks and Perverts. Why is it all of the people cursed at Jusenkyo
are jerks?* Akane's head looked up towards the wall separating her and Nabiki's room when she heard a thump.
*What the?* she said. She rolled her chair back and began creeping as silently as she could towards the wall, she
reached under her bed first and pulled out a small drinking glass. She then crawled on her bed, put the rim of the glass
against the wall, and then put her ear to the bottom of the glass. She gasped at what she heard. It sounded like some
one was having SEX! Akane's eyebrows furrowed and her imagination began to take over. *I'll bet someone snuck in
through the window and is raping my SISTER!* Akane ran across her room and picked up a wooden Boken (sword)
She then flung her door open and rushed next door. She threw open the door and ran through boken held high.
"WHERE'S THE PERVERT!" She screamed. What she saw shocked and disgusted her. She dropped the bokken on
her head and it bounced off and clattered to the ground. She stood motionless as she stared at the two unfamiliar girls
on the floor locked in a very intimate position.
One of the girls stood up and began to walk towards Akane, completely naked. "S-S-Stay back." Akane said as she
slowly backed into a wall. The girl who had purple hair and deep brown eyes lifted her hand up to her head and pulled
at her hair revealing that it was a wig. Akane gasped and covered her mouth. "NABIKI!!"
Nabiki nodded and closed the door beside Akane. The other girl just sat on the floor with her arms crossed under her
chest. "Akane..." Nabiki began.
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!!" Screamed Akane as she grasped for the door handle.
Nabiki breathed out a sigh of frustration. "I was about to explain just a moment ago. May I continue?" Asked Nabiki.
Akane nodded furiously. Nabiki then began. "Akane do you have a job?" Akane shook her head. "Do Kasumi or Dad
have jobs?" Akane shook her head again. "Where do you think we get all of our money?" Akane looked confused as
she tried to think about it, the provocative scene that had been played out before her eyes only moments ago kept on
blocking those thoughts though and she just shrugged. "This is how I earn the money to keep this family afloat. I sell
Pornographic pictures to all the perverted boys of the schools."
"Schools?" Akane asked.
"Yes schools Akane. Do you think all of the perverts are situated in Furinkan?" Akane looked shocked.
"THEY'RE NOT!?!"
"Hey Nabiki." Said the other girl. I'm gonna go get a drink or something. We can continue our shoot after your
fascinating family meeting." The girl then took off her wig and went to put on some clothes that were lying on the
bed.
*Uh Oh.* Thought Nabiki as she felt the temperature in the room get hotter by about 50 degrees. Outside Evan
walked by and noticed the boken on the floor.
*Boken* "YOINK!" Evan then began to run away, until he heard the sounds of a womens yelling. Evan then looked
back into the room and noticed there was two naked women. His jaw dropped and he just watched at the doorway.
Back in the room "JOSH YOU PERVERT!!!" Akane screamed at the top of her lungs as she leapt towards the boy
turned girl with a mallet held high. (Which she of course pulled out of nowhere[anime physics]{duhh}) Josh grabbed
her pants and backflipped out of the way. She pulled her jeans on in mid air and landed in a cat stance.
"Hey what do you think your doing? A man's gotta work." Josh said. "You don't like the way we conduct business
get a job." She then silently added, "bitch!"
"DIE!!!" The shorter, less busty, and more tomboyish girl (akane) screamed as she leapt at the aquatranssexual again.
Josh dashed back and then spin kicked, driving her heel into Akane's side and throwing her into a wall, cracking it.
Akane coughed and held her sides as she lay on the floor. *That hurt!* she thought. Josh calmly walked over to the
bed and picked up the silk chinese shirt laying on the bed that she had borrowed from Ranma. "Serves you right. I've
always wanted to do that to you. Course a while back you were just a cartoon character to me. Oh this is fun!" Akane
screamed and leapt at her again fists balled and ready to strike.
Josh spun around and grabbed her wrist out of the air she spun again and twisted the girls arm behind her back she
then gave a palm strike to the back of her head while still holding her wrist and then swung her around and into a wall
again. Josh then began buttoning up her shirt and smirked very much like Nabiki usually did. "Had enough?" Then she
silently adds, "bitch."
Akane held her nose which had taken the brunt of the impact and was currently bleeding. She glared at the boy turned
girl as she realized that the girl was almost as good as Ranma and wasn't holding back, much.
Just then a new voice rang out from the doorway. "JOSH!?!?!?!?!?!" The voice came from a boken holding Evan with a very confused look upon his face. "What is going on??? Why were you naked??? I-I'm scared. Someone hold me. How about you?" Evan brightened up abit when he addressed Nabiki. "If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me??" Evan asked hopefully.
Nabiki steped back and told Evan to piss off or pay the price (which is 50000 yen mind you). Evan decided to try the
run away and cry gig which seemed to work.
A few minutes later Evan finds himself in the front yard of Furinkin high with the rising star aka Kuno about five
yards away. Evan climbed up a nearby tree and addressed his new found foe.
"Be warned foul dog!! Ye faces a great new foe!! Tis I Evan!! The newest rising star of kendo and Furinkin high!!
Take thy stance and prepare to duel!!"
Kuno did just that as he unsheathed his boken and stood in a defencive stance. Evan lept from the tree that he had
been hiding in. He landed gracefully and summersualted forward and began his attack. Evan swept his boken in front
of him which was easily paried by Kuno.
"If that is all ye has! They methinks ye should give up your fight!!" The rising star taunted as he bvegan an assult of
his own.
Evan parried all attacks with minor difficulty and swung his boken at Kuno's head. The Kendo "master" instinctivly
raised his boken to block and in turn recieved a swift kick to his exposed stomach. Kuno doubled over, winded.
"I stike when mine opponents show weakness, tis strange that I did not attack sooner for thine own weakness is clear
to see." The black haired boy said as he held his boken point inches from Kuno's forehead. "Apears the duel is mine.
You fight well Kuno. Train harder and Thou shall see me again for a rematch."
Evan walked dramatically away. *That was envigorating.* He thought as he walked.
Back in Nabiki's Room. Josh smiled darkly down at Akane as she struggled to get up off of the ground. Her nose was
bleeding profusely and was obviously broken judgeing by the odd angle it was currently at. "Why are you attacking
me anyway?" Josh asked. "I'm just helping Nabiki make money so she can keep you and your family fed and clothed
and such. Why don't you explain exactly why your throwing a tantrum?"
Akane just glared at the short blonde haired girl. "Raping my sister!... Kill you!" Akane's head whipped to look at the
now only half Naked Nabiki who had just started laughing her head off.
"R-RAPE!?! HA HA HA HA HAAA!! Oh my god Akane you are so naive! Have you been listening to a word we've
been saying? We're taking pictures and selling them for big money so we could live!" Akane stared at Nabiki in shock
and then fainted from exausion.
*********
Meanwhile Evan was wandering the town in search of a money source to buy something he had been wanting for
some time now. Just through begging he had collected 50 yen which was not enough for what he had in mind. Just
then a thought passed into his mind as he seen a woman staring at the front of his pants. *I could pull a China on a
smaller scale and get the cash I need!!*
Evan addressed the staring girl and asked if she would like to be shown a good time for a small fee. The girl flushed
but agreed to his offer and handed him 200 yen as a down payment.
Two hours later Evan emerged breathless from a geisha school that he had just been "teaching", a large wad of bills
overflowed his pockets. *That makes 250000 yen, enough and then some. I feel bad about the whole saki thing, so I'll
just donate the remaining cash to the Tendos.* Evan smiled as he got some warm fuzzies about the good deed he was
about to perform for the Tendo house. *First I got to get my new outfit.*
Evan stepped from a tailor shop thirty minutes later wearing a large baggy blue silk shirt and equally baggy black silk
pants. From his crimson belt two katana hung on the left side and on the right a second pair of longer ornate katana.
He stepped into the fray and felt like royalty as people parted to allow the man passage. He still had around 100000
yen left for him to give to the Tendos for their hospitality. Their was a shout to the right of Evan, and as he turned to
see who it was a boken came flying towards him. Evan roughly caught the weapon and prepared to face his enemy,
one hand steadying the boken, the other on one of his less ornate katana. A man emerged from the crowd, boken held
in front of him. Evan moved his second hand up onto the boken a prepared for the inevitable duel. Kuno laughed and
spoke out to the crowd, "This man, he is nay the rising star he shall claim to be. From all ye doth know, I Kuno, am
the true rising star of kendo."
This brought a few snickers from the crowd, all of which were silenced by Evan with a wave of his hand. "Kuno, why
doth thee declare what thou dost know as false? Thou dost make a mockery of thine self and thine family. Ye should
be ashamed of thine self. Laugh not at this man people of Nerima, Ye all should instead have pity upon the poor soul
who dost think that he is what he is not." Evan said eloquently as he turned in slow circles to address the whole
crowd which grew as he spoke.
"Ye dost attempt to make jest of the BLUE LIGHTNING!!! Tis thee that shall fall today Evan!" Kuno yelled as he
charged at the unmoving and unimpressed Evan.
Kuno wildly swung twice, both swings were easily evaded by Evan who brought his boken down roughly on Kuno's
hard head. "One point for me as it seems. Shall we go to five from a fresh start?" Asked an eager Evan who then
stepped back to allow his opponent time to regain his posture.
Kuno nodded in agreement to this contest and took an offensive pose this time. Evan smirked and struck towards
Kuno's head, Kuno who had anticipated the same attack as last time guarded against a kick to the gut and was
rewarded with a thump on the head. "That's two." Evan declared as he took another step back to allow Kuno some
time to retaliate.
Kuno took the time to plan out a battle strategy. He swung first at Evan's legs which was unexpectedly jumped,
Evan, on the down fall struck Kuno again over the head with the wooden sword. "Three for me." Evan said
triumphantly and took another customary step backwards. "Care to try once again." This brought cheering from the
crowd, who were obviously enjoying themselves.
Kuno flailed his boken wildly in frustration at the obviously superior Evan. Kuno's sweeps were narrowly avoided,
but through the disorder struck a confident Evan who afterwards recieved a cheap shot to the back of the left leg,
making him stumble and fall. Kuno laughed and raised his boken in the air in victory. Evan got up slowly, shaking off
the pain in his leg, anger flared through his eyes and he unsheathed a katana. Evan stalked up to Kuno and swung the
katana over Kuno's head, slicing the "rising star's" boken clean in two. Kuno stopped his celebrating and a look of
fear crossed his face. Evan unsheathed a second katana and struck a battle pose.
"Kuno, thou hast proven to me that ye be a coward, and by my code. ALL COWARDS MUST DIE!!!!" Evan yelled
as he charged the now fleeing Kuno.
Evan stopped after chasing him for about a block and sheathed both swords to watch the coward run for his life.
*Funny, yes. Fun, yes. Helpful, no. I learned nothing in that spar, I need to learn more if I'm to live in this town. It's
obvious Kuno won't help me that way, he's to weak. I need a challenge, I need to lose. I've been good with a blade
for sometime now and I thought Kuno might be the same way. I was dead wrong. Maybe I'll find Lord Covenant and
he'll teach me something. Yeah right!! Covenant isn't even in the Ranma universe... but he is a hellspawn. Nah it'll
never happen, not even in one of my fics. (Lord Covenant is from Spawn the dark ages.)* Evan considered writing a
fic about that for sometime and decided against it as he approached the Tendo house.
**************
Akane awoke to Kasumi's smiling face. A pleasant way to wake but not regular. "Wha-where am ? I remember Josh,
naked, fighting." Akane hung her head in shame, "Losing. I lost to that PERVERT!!!!" Kasumi frowned.
"That's not very nice Akane." She said in a motherly scolding kind of way.
"W-Wha!?" Akane asked totally confused as to why her own sister would take that half boy's side.
"From what I hear, you attacked Josh for helping make money for our family, then when he defended himself you got
angry and started attacking mindlessly."
"But, He was...with Nabiki...as a _girl_!!" Kasumi sighed.
"I know, and I have known for a long time now that Nabiki sold pornographic pictures to provide for us. You should
be thanking Josh for helping out not trying to kill him."
"YOU KNEW!!!!????!!!!" Akane screamed in total shock. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNEW!!!!????!!!!"
Kasumi put a hand on Akane's shoulder to calm her down before she hurt herself. "Akane, I'm not to pleased about
how Nabiki has chosen to make money, but it was one of the only ways we could get such large amounts of money.
We have a big house and a large family. Father is too unstable, your too temperamental, I have to do the cooking and
cleaning all the time and the dojo is having to be constantly repaired because of your tempers. Now I want you to go
and apologize to Josh right now."
"What!?! But Kasumiiii!" Akane whined. "He beat me up and broke my nose."
Kasumi frowned pointed at the stairway and glared at Akane. "_He_ was the one who also patched you up, and
_you_ attacked him! He was merely defending himself."
Akane sighed and walked up the stairs with her head hung with shame and regret. *Apologize to a _boy_ Humph*
she thought as she walked towards the room that Josh Ranma and Mr. Saotome shared.
Evan entered the Tendo house and found a frowning Kasumi. *Whoh! Something is way wrong!! Kasumi? Mad? No
frigging way!!! I must be dreaming!!* Evan got the courage to approach the still peeved Kasumi and asked, "Are-are
we going to have dinner anytime soon. I-I I'm hungry."
Kasumi swiftly turned to the new comer and put on a welcoming face. Evan was taken aback by the sudden change
and leapt backwards. Kasumi looked puzzled for a second, then recognized the face.
"Oh I remember you, you're Josh's friend Evan aren't you. You've been sleeping on the couch without pants for
sometime now haven't you."
Evan was clearly taken aback, again, By the sudden changes. He started to whimper and huddled in a ball by the
couch. "Who-Who are you?? What have you done with the real Kasumi!!!"
Kasumi, again, put on a confused look. "_I_ am Kasumi. What are you talking about?" *I knew he was seeing a
shrink but this is too far.* "I'll just fix you a seat at the table now." she said slowly to get her point across to the
quivering man before her.
Evan seeing an escape from the _obviously_ fake Kasumi, runs up the nearby stairwell to find Akane hesitantly
apologizing to an equally confused Josh.
*I-I'm scared* Thought Evan as he resumed cowering.
Josh looked over to his friend and smiled, this seemed to agitate Evan somewhat. "Hey Evan. I'm gonna go down to
an arcade later. I saw one down town wanna come?" Josh said. Evan lost all signs of fear and looked...normal.
"Oh! Video games. I'm there." Josh nodded his head, recognizing that his friend from back home will be joining him.
Josh smiled as he walked down stairs to go talk to Kasumi. *Now all I gots to do is find somebody else to
come...who has money we can use.* Josh saw Kasumi putting on a jacket and her shoes at the front door. "Where are
you going Kasumi?" Josh asked.
Kasumi smiled {was there ever a doubt} and said, "I'm going to the market to get some groceries for dinner tonight."
Josh smiled and offered to escort her.
"You know it's getting late, sort of, a pretty lady such as yourself shouldn't go out all by herself. I'll join you if that's
all right with you?" Kasumi smiled and blushed a little, covering the slight redness in her cheeks with her hands
hoping he wouldn't notice {yeah right}
"I wouldn't mind. Thanks for offering."(Josh is picking up!!) The couple {couple} left the house and began walking
(walking) towards the market. {shut up Evan!}(Evan)
**************
Evan began slinking away from the fuming Akane. She glared at him and addressed him.
"If you tell anyone, I will _KILL_ you!"
Evan, who was obviously not listening, but focusing more on getting as much distance between him and Akane as
possible. Evan, on the way out, bumped into Ranma.
"Oh, hey Evan. Is dinner ready?"
Evan looked Ranma in the eye. "Ranma... You will not believe what just happened. Akane... apologized... to... Josh...
Kasumi... was... mad!! WORLD IS ENDING!!!" Ranma backed away from the delirious Evan.
*Something is most definitely wrong, Akane saying sorry... to a _boy_. Kasumi, mad. World ending... wait a second!!
The world's not ending.* Evan waved farewell to the pensive Ranma.
"Going to run away to arcade!! Bye!!!"
Akane glared at the retreating Evan and then at Ranma. "Don't..." Ranma put up his hands to stop her.
"Akane, please. This is the most amazing thing you've ever done, I'm gonna tell the whole SCHOOL!" Akane
screamed and pulled out a mallet from nowhere, Ranma was already running away, having anticipated this reaction.
**************
Josh smiled and opened the door to the Tendo house once they got back. Kasumi giggled and walked through while
she covered another blush with her hands. "Thanks for coming along with me Josh, it was really nice of you."
Josh shrugged it off. "Naw. I'm just a big ol nice guy.(Achoo, bullshit!) I enjoyed myself. Spending my time with such
a lovely and kind woman is always a pleasure." Kasumi giggled again and walked into the kitchen to start dinner. Josh
followed, watching her {ahem} closely.
"What are you doing?" Asked Kasumi Josh looked up at her eyes and smiled again.
"I thought I might as well help with dinner too. I've always wanted to learn some Japanese dishes and since your a
black belt in cooking you'd be the perfect teacher." Josh said truthfully
"You cook?" asked Kasumi confused.
Josh shrugged it off. "What are you kidding me? My Fajita's are the best in Canada. I'm surprised you've never heard
of them." Kasumi giggled and entered the kitchen. Josh followed,
"Maybe you can show me how to make these Fajita's sometime?" Kasumi asked as she put on an apron and began
getting the ingredients for dinner.
**********
Evan was skipping down the sidewalk towards the arcade singing loudly in english.
"I've got no money!!! HEY!!! I've got no money!!! Hey... wait a sec, I do have money... but it's for the Tendo's...."
Evan's shoulder devil took control. "What they don't know won't hurt em..." His shoulder angel kicked him in the
head. "But I can't... Video games... nice Evan... video games... nice Evan!!! I must have bo.... Wait!!! Kuno flash
backs... cannot have both! Bad Evan!!! Or can I" A devious look crossed his face as he entered the arcade.
Evan approached the owner of the establishment a few minutes later.
"Excuse me, would you sell me your arcade?" a hopeful Evan asked of the obese arcade owner.
The owner smoothed his comb-over and looked pensive. "How much do you have?" He inquired of the younger man.
"50'000 yen." Evan said.
The owner sat down in a chair and frowned. "I won't sell it for anything less than 100'000 yen."
Evan growled and glared harshly at the owner. "You can't sell something for more than it's worth! It's against the
law!"
he owner stood up and slammed his palms on the desk between them. "I AM ABOVE THE LAW!!" The man's
comb-over fell down when he screamed that. He then pulled out a container of gel, squirt some in his hand and
smoothed his comb-over out. He then sat down calmly.
Evan shrugged off a major deja vu and placed a hand on one of his katana. "I think you'll sell for 50'000 if you know
what's good for you." Evan threatened as he half-unsheathed the blade.
The owner reluctantly agreed to the price saying, "You will pay. Oh yes, you will pay." He glared as he held out his
hand for the money.
Evan threw the wad of cash at the overly fat owner and commented. "Damn fool! You FAT!!!" The owner then
grunted as he struggled to bend over and pick up the money on the floor that had bounced off of his BELLY! Evan
began laughing maniacally as the fat man's pants lowered during the bend revealing the crack of his ass. "HA HA
HAAA!!! IT'S A FULL MOON TONIGHT TUBBY!!! If you we're a truck you'd have a bumper sticker on the back
that said wide load!"
The man quickly got the money off of the floor , struggled to get back up and then waddled out the door, crying.
Evan smiled as he sat down on the reclining chair behind the desk and he smiled as he over viewed the office that he
now owned along with the arcade shop that was next door. Evan opened up one of the desk drawers and discovered
that it was filled with candy bars and twinkies. "SWEET!" Evan noted, he shut the drawer and opened the one
beneath it. It contained several bottles of high quality sake. "Looks like Evan's taking the day off!" He noted as he
uncapped the bottles and began downing them two at a time.
************
Josh smiled as he tasted one of the dishes in one of the many pots. "Yummy!" he said as he put the ladle down and
continued to add some ingredients. "Need's more bamboo chutes." Kasumi giggled,
"You're good at this Josh. You have a real knack at cooking."
Kasumi smiled at the aqua-transsexual, Josh shied away slightly at her smile. Josh gathered courage and looked her in
the eyes lovingly.
"Kasumi. I need to ask you something." Josh said, carefully choosing his words.
Kasumi met his look and responded sweetly. "What is it Josh?"
Josh began to speak, but the words caught in his throat. His struggle for words was interrupted by the phone ringing.
Josh answered, slightly annoyed.
"Tendo residence, Josh speaking."
"HEY!!!! WhaT's GoiNg On!!!! WoRd id BorN HomO Geeeeeeeee!!!!"
Josh rolled his eyes and spoke into the receiver with an extremely annoyed tone of voice. "Evan, your drunk again,
stay off the streets I don't want to have to bail you out of jail for indecent exposure again." Josh then hung up the
phone and returned to the kitchen.
"Your friend again?" Asked Kasumi politely. Josh nodded sheepishly.
"Yeah he got drunk again. Now, as I was trying to say I was wondering if...."
RIIIIINNNGGGG!!
Josh frowned and looked dejectedly at the phone again. "Oh this is romantic!" He grumbled silently to himself as he
answered the phone again. "Hello Tendo Residence."
"DoN'T hang Upity!!!! EvaN DiD GooD!!!!!"
"Yeah well you can tell me about it later I'm trying to do something very important at the moment if you phone one
more time I'm going to personally castrate you with a pair of rusty old plyers soaked in IODINE GOT IT!?!"
Evan sobered up for a moment. "Owwie! Um dude, I wanted to say that I bought a ARCADE!!! Kick ass, nein?"
Josh shrugged. "That's nice. Keep up the good work. BYE!" Josh then went back to the kitchen. Kasumi was there
waiting for him.
"Is everything alright?" She asked. Josh pinched the bridge of his nose and tilted his head back.
"Yeah. Everything's peachy. Listen, I've been living here for almost a month, I was wondering, well, that is I've
grown quite attached to you and... well you see, what I'm trying to say is, er, ask is um do you want to go out on
a...date with me? Friday maybe?" (Good job Josh, real smooth.)
Kasumi blushed and looked towards the kitchen where the neglected food was beginning to boil over the rim, turning
into some sort of black ooze. "Um, I've got a lot of work to do around the house."
"Oh come on!" Josh said. "The family can take care of themselves for one day without you. Take the night out,
splurge, have fun, live it up. Your young beautiful AND talented, you shouldn't stay cooped up in a house all of the
time cooking and cleaning. It's not healthy. Get out and enjoy life."
Kasumi blushed and nodded. "You're right. I'll go. How about Friday?"
"Friday's fine. Uh I guess we should finish dinner first." Kasumi looked towards the kitchen that was now covered in
black, bubbly ooze. Kasumi gasped and covered her mouth. Josh put his hand on her shoulder and smiled not unlike a
knight in shining armor.
"Don't worry I got the perfect way to fix this."
****************
Later the Tendos all sat round the table waiting for their meal to be served, Ranma and his father were also there as
well as Happosai. Josh brought a large pot out of the kitchen and set it on the table in front of the family Kasumi
followed him out and put some other items on the table.
"Josh?" Asked Happosai. "You helped make supper?" Josh nodded.
"Yes master, actually Kasumi's dish flopped so I taught her how to make one of my own dishes. I had to substitute
some things for the stuff I didn't have but they taste just as good as the original." Akane looked disgusted as she eyed
the pot in the middle of the table. She turned her nose up and turned her head away.
"I'm not eating anything that _you_ made!"
Josh sat down and began eating along with the rest of the family who were enjoying the meal immensely. Except
Ranma who could hardly taste it as he shoved it into his mouth at light speed. "You don't have to eat it if you don't
want to Akane. That just means that there's more for us. You can make something for yourself." The aqua-transsexual then began eating again. Akane looked reluctantly at the food on the table. She wasn't as stupid as she
looked and she knew that her food was horrible, so the girl reluctantly picked up one of the homemade fajitas that
was already pre-wrapped in the large pot and began eating.
Josh smirked as his fajita's once again melted a reluctant soul into eating them. "These are actually pretty good."
Noted Akane. Josh shrugged his shoulders.
"Of course they are, Kasumi helped me." Josh noted as he smiled at said girl who blushed in return at the praise and
the attention. "By the way, on Friday, Kasumi and I aren't going to be here, so you're all going to have to fend for
yourselves while were gone." Nabiki's right eyebrow shot up and she looked inquisitively at her employee and house
guest.
"Hmmm, where is it exactly you two are going?" She asked suspiciously. Josh just shrugged.
"We're just going out on a date. We're gonna be fairly far off so we're gonna be back pretty late." Everyone stopped
eating, except Ranma Genma and Happosai who happily polished off the fajitas, and stared at the blonde Canadian.
Soun began crying.
"WAAAAAAAH My baby girl is leaving the nest!" Nabiki looked suspicious...still.
"So Josh," Nabiki began, "Where are you taking my sister?" Josh looked thoughtful,
"Well I was thinking of taking her out dancing, after we catch a movie, then well eat dinner at some sort of fancy
restaurant, the best there is of course, then...I think we'll go for a nice long walk."
"Sounds romantic." The brown haired girl noted. "How are you going to pay for all of this?" She asked, Josh smiled
and held up a finger,
"Now that...is a secret."
Akane who hadn't said a word since Josh started bolt upright and glared at the blonde Jusenkyo cursed boy. "YOUR
TRYING TO DEFILE MY SISTER!" She screamed. Josh looked at her tiredly.
"Here we go again." He muttered to himself.
"What about Tofu?" She asked Kasumi, "I thought you loved him!"
Kasumi frowned, _really_ frowned. This scared most present for a moment. Kasumi then just looked sad. "What
about Tofu?" She asked, Akane gasped. Kasumi continued, "I've been waiting for him to ask me out on a date for
about six years, I'm tired of waiting all he ever does when I'm around is act like fool. Josh is a nice person and I feel
comfortable around him."
"So your just going to toss Tofu away like an old shoe then?" Akane asked with anger laced in her voice.
"HEY!" Josh yelled as he stood up and looked Akane straight in the eye. "Tofu's the one who threw HER away like
an old shoe! I know Kasumi better than most of YOU do? She deserves better than Tofu!" Akane was fuming.
"Your just a PERVERT! A SEX CHANGING FREAK!"
Josh glared at her harder. "Oh sure Akane! Try to turn things around on me by making fun of my disability! That's
mature!{sarcasm} You might as well kick the legs out from underneath a cripple and stomp on a retard's head! That's
low!" Josh then stormed off to the room that he shared with Ranma. Kasumi wiped her mouth, threw the napkin on
the table and then followed. Everyone else just sat there. Nabiki began munching on a fajita.
"That went well." She noted.
***********
Evan sat in the large cushy chair he had just purchased from a local furniture store after raiding the arcade machines
for money. *Hmm. I'm bored. I _could_ kick the kids out of my store again... but that decreases revenue.... I _could_
contemplate the existence of black holes using evidence from this astro-physics book I stole off some customer kid.
Hey sounds fun!!! Wait... _Me_ _learn_? NEVER!!!!!........Ah what the hell!*
Evan began studying the book and it's complicated knowledge. *DAMN SKIPPITY!! This is some wack ass shite!!
HOLY GANGSTA BATTY MAN!!! i'm bored... Nothing to do.*
Evan tossed the book to the side of his large desk. He reached down into the first drawer and produced a few
twinkies. He began consuming the icing filled pastries, all the while pondering his next action. *Wait a minute! Astro
Physics!!!!! Black holes sent people into different universes in this crappy movie I seen!!! Maybe that's what
happened here!!!! Nah...* Evan returned to scarfing twinkies. He reluctantly reached towards the scientific book he
had pilfered from a paying customer. He leafed through the pages of the large text book and found that he understood
only the basic concepts he had learned from TV and the likes.
*Whoosh! Over my head here. Maybe I should start at the basics.* Evan flipped to the contents page of the book,
looked up black holes and turned to the marked page.
*Now I'm getting somewhere.*
***********
Josh lay on his back staring at the ceiling in his room. *God! This is messed up. I always thought Ranma was
supposed to get all of the attention.* Josh sighed and rolled over he grabbed a manga that he had purchased the day
earlier from under the futon and began reading it. It was a original DragonBall Manga. Josh began to chuckle as he
flipped through the pages. "Now I see what Evan found so interesting in these books." Josh's head flipped around
towards the door just as Kasumi opened it up and walked through.
"That wasn't very smart announcing that to my family like that." Kasumi said as she walked over and kneeled down
beside Josh. Josh sat up and looked her in the eyes.
"Kasumi It wasn't stupid. What's stupid is how your family overreacts to everything that concerns dating or marriage.
They're far to serious and need to stop looking at the world in black and white. They need to realize that there is a
grey area in the middle." Kasumi contemplated that for a moment. It made perfect sense to her.
"Why did you do it?" She asked.
"I don't want to hide it or anything." Josh said. "I just want you to be happy. I want to be happy and I'm pretty sure
that were gonna both be very happy on Friday. Wouldn't it be nice to get away from it all for a bit?" Kasumi nodded.
"I always have wanted to get out on my own and do what I want to do."
Josh shifted so that he was looking directly into her expressive brown eyes. "What is it you want Kasumi? I've seen
you allot but your always cleaning cooking and doing whatever others ask you to do. I've never once seen you
express what you want in life."
Kasumi blushed. "I want... romance, and I want to be loved. I want to get married someday and have a career. I want
to finish my education and make up for all the fun I've missed these past ten or so years." Kasumi paused for a
moment and looked back up at Josh who was smiling gently. "What do you want?"
"I want you to have what you want Kasumi." He said. "I want to give you what you want, I want you to be happy."
Josh smiled and their faces shifted closer together.
"What else do you want?" She asked almost seductively. Josh smiled and moved closer.
"Have you ever been kissed?" He asked, his hot breath tickling her neck and giving her shivers.
"Have you?" She asked in an almost anticipating shaky voice.
"I'm about to." he said in a whisper. Their lips connected lightly and their bodies moved closer together Josh put his
right arm around her shoulders and deepened the kiss a little, Kasumi kissed back, she was sloppy, but Josh had never
felt anything as wonderful as this in his life. They ended the kissed and slowly moved away from each other. Kasumi
blushed and stood up.
"It's getting late." She said. "I'm going to go to bed now." Josh nodded and blushed a little himself.
"Yeah I guess I should to. Josh shoved the DragonBall Manga under the Futon again and, after Kasumi left, stripped
down to his boxers and climbed in.
************
Evan popped a quarter into the machine in front of him. *This is fun stuff. Asian's make great video games! Where is
Josh anywho?? Whoh weird train of thought. Ah well, more games for me!*
A scrawny boy stepped up behind the now owner of the arcade and gently coughed for attention.
Evan glanced back at the tiny child and swiftly turned back to his game. The boy coughed again, Evan backhanded the
boy to the machine across the row. "Evan play game now! No bother Evan!!!"
***********
Two days later. Josh yawned and woke up. He looked at the calendar that was hanging up on the other side of the
room and smiled. It said FRIDAY! Josh practically skipped down stairs all the while a tune running through his head.
*I'm the only person, U huh, yeah, who's ever got a date with a fictional character. Break it down OW!*
He walked into the kitchen and saw Kasumi there as usual. She was blushing. Josh smiled. *Oh YEAH! Stud master!
She's all hot n heavy after last night.* Kasumi pointed to the boy and blushed even more.
"Your in your boxers." Josh looked down and then smiled. Then he ran upstairs to get changed. He passed Nabiki on
the way up who was carrying a glass of water. She splashed Josh with it and was prepared to make a snide comment
to poke fun at him but the boy turned girl ignored it and just ran by. Seemingly not having noticed.
Later. At school. Josh literally skipped down the hall ways to her class. Evan was following suspiciously, all the while
keeping just enough distance to avoid being seen with the skipping girl. *Man! This is like a reversal of roles!!!
Usually I'm the one making an idiot of my self!!! Weird!*
Evan continued to ponder this sudden role reversal all the way to class.
Josh was humming and daydreaming all day through school. Evan just sat at the back of the room glaring at Josh
whenever he wasn't reading his book on astro physics. He had also picked up a book about the history of Magic,
Quantum physics, and electrical appliances. *Hmm? What's this? I think I may have just figured a way to get out of
this crazy universe! Cool! I'm actually smarter than I look!*
"JOSH!!!!!" Screamed the teacher. "DROP AND GIVE ME FIVE HUNDRED!!!" Josh continued humming and
smiled.
"Sure!" She then began doing the pushups that her drill instructor math teacher told her to do. *I don't care what all
happen's during the day! I've got a date tonight and nothing's going to ruin that! It's going to be Perfect.*
*************
{The end! Of the CHAPTER DOLT!! }
(HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got smart. Fancy that! Yeah momma!!! I'm smart!!! Um, yeah that's all for this chapter
from me. Bye. From the almighty hella powerful Agasaki THE PARODYMASTER OF FURINKAN
HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! etc etc)
{Yeah this is a little odd of a story. We're basically trying to screw things up as much as possible in this story. One
thing I can admit is that If I was in the Ranma 1/2 universe I would ask Kasumi out on a date. No lie. I actually like
the sweet and nice, nice type of girl. Big deal. We're gonna meet up with Pant Man in the next episode. Grrr! As well
as the Over obsessed psychotic Fat Ass Fanboy! I know it doesn't sound like much of a villain but He's gonna whoop
Evan's Ass. As well we'll also see what happen's on my and Kasumi's date. (Score!) I'm gonna go a little serious in
the next chapter (I'm not) as well we'll leave the Ranma universe and start trouble somewhere else. It'll be cool
especially when we meet sailor moon. WHEE!}
Chow
Konichiwa
Morden Night and
Agasaki Ishano
http://josh_vh.tripod.com
http://evan_m0.tripod.com
anime_morden@crystal-tokyo.com
agasaki@crystal-tokyo.com
(Oh yeah we do stuff on the internet. NAHHH! What is the internet!!! Oh well, check out my meaningless page about
the Forthmonkeys. Don't ask.)
http://forthmonkey.tripod.com