Self Insertion

This is a self insertion fic. It's pretty much me and my friend get into a Sliders type mix up. Cept we go to worlds like Animes and Cartoons and Movies and other stuff. Both of us are writing it as well so the Genre will fluctuate. Be warned, be afraid, be readin' my story please. And enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own nothin! Cept me!

* *: Thoughts

Capital letters: Shouting or loud noises

< >: Japanese

_ _: Stressed words

{ }: Josh's own thoughts

( ): Evan's own thoughts and location

Chapter 9

Mystery...OH!

An entire week had passed since the pathetic goblin incident. Josh was currently sitting on Ben's living room floor playing tiddly winks topless. She was in female form at the moment and Ben had been gone all day at work. It was Saturday and school was out so she had nothing to do. Evan was out looking for a job for some reason, and there hadn't been any bad guys popping up for a while.

It was like the thought of there being four Spider Men was scaring them into not doing anything bad. Josh felt like she needed to force them to do bad stuff so she wouldn't be bored. "Topless Tiddly Winks is boring when theres no other chicks around." Josh noted to herself. Kasumi had already visited her today and she couldn't visit again until tomorrow. *I'm so bored I could even get a job!* She thought to her self as she crawled across the ceiling for no reason.

Josh bolt upright and dropped to the floor. "THAT'S IT! I'll get a job. Then I won't be bored. She ran out of the apartment and then rushed back in and grabbed a shirt. "Sorry ma'am!"

******************

Evan handed his resume into another establishment. He was getting desperate. Some sort of quiet haze had fallen over New York and there was nothing to do. Now he had lowered himself to getting a job. At least then he would have something go do. He had applied to every establishment he could think of. Evan sighed as he opened the door to the Daily Grind and walked in. He might as well go see Ben. Evan sat down at one of the stools and nodded to Ben who walked up to him while drying out a glass cup.

"Um Ben How exactly would one go about finding a job?" Evan inquired of the Spider powered waiter. "I mean I have handed in my resume to every place in NY. But no is the only answer I've been getting. Not even an interview!"

"What are you doing when you hand in your resume?" Ben asked, slightly nervous.

"Well, I swing in, transform into Venom but larger and pick up the desk clerk and threaten till I get the job. So far I haven't got anything but screams. Oh wait! One of them did fire a gun at me! That was the best of them all!" Evan sarcastically said.

Ben looked thoughtful for a moment. "Why don't you try going in someplace as yourself and asking politely?" Evan looked confused.

"Sure that could work but I think that being dramatic makes an impression. And what is this politely you speak of?" Evan said with a dead serious tone in his voice. He then laughed. He was unable to hold a serious face for a long time.

Ben sighed. "I still don't know how I got involved with you two. I should have kicked you guys out to fend for yourselves after the Osborn incident." Evan gave Ben puppy dog eyes.

"But then you wouldn't be the ever lovable friendly neighborhood Spider Man."

Ben held out a hand and frowned as he looked around to make sure that nobody had heard. His Spider sense hadn't warned him so he suspected it was okay. "Would you keep it down! You never know who might hear. Walls have ears you know."

Evan laughed "Walls don't have ears!" Evan cracked up, "Hey wall!! Can you hear me with your EARS!!" Evan almost fell off his stool, He instantly straightened himself with the help of an alien and became deadly serious. "Do you think they heard me." A slight smile grew on Evan's face, Ben just groaned.

"Well I'm gonna try your 'polite' method. See you later Guru Ben!" Evan stepped out of the café and headed to an alley to morph. *He has a point there. I probably shouldn't morph all over the place. Well! To the work place!* Evan then turned into Venom and shot out a web line heading in the direction of the school that Josh went to.

Evan arrived at the school and entered the building that was surprisingly open, being that it was a Saturday and all. He morphed his Venom Symbiote into a suit and made himself look much older than he actually was. About fifty or so. He walked into the office and introduced himself to the receptionist, who was old, and female, and ugly, so, so ugly!

"Hello, Maám?" Evan said in confusion trying to find out what it was behind the reception desk of the school. Evan then muttered to himself. "So, so ugly!" He then raised his voice that was now old sounding because of the sybiote. "I'm looking for a job as a teacher, Here's my resume." Evan then handed the piece of paper to the lady? He made DAMN sure not to make skin contact with her. "I could start off by giving a lecture on quantum physics to one of the science classes."

The thing on the other side nodded. "Okay you can come in Monday at 1:00 to give your lecture in room 257."

"Great! Well see you Monday" Evan coughed and then said in a muffled voice "Ugly!"

He walked out the doors of the school and coughed out a few more crude remarks about the beastyness of the receptionist. Evan even went as far as warning another teacher who was entering about the evil beast that had eaten the receptionist.

*********************

Josh swung around the city in her Spider Girl uniform. She had an armful of Resume's that she had made up at the school. She broke in for a few minutes to use the computers and type them up. When she left she saw this old guy telling another teacher about the beastliness of the receptionist. She saw a police officer swerve around the corner down below, chasing after another car. Josh sighed and landed on a rooftop. She then jumped down to the street and landed right in front of the car, which was swerving out of control towards an old lady, with a baby carriage. She put her hands out and stopped the car. The police cars came around and pointed their guns at the driver inside.

"Thank you so much young one." the old lady said to Josh before walking away. Josh slammed the front of the car down to the pavement so that it couldn't go anywhere. The airbag popped out, pinning the perp up against the seat. The cops threw the door open threw the guy in the car to the ground and put the cuffs on him. The one officer walked up to Josh and smiled at her.

"Hey thanks for the assist. Those articles in the bugle are wrong you know? You're all right." Josh smiled and nodded at the officer, thought he couldn't tell because of the mask.

"No problem." Josh then took one of the resumes from under her arm and handed to the officer. "I'm, looking for a job. Could you hand this in to the station? Super heroes gotta eat too you know?" The officer looked confused but took the resume anyway.

"Uhm OKay." Josh gave a little tool time wave and then shot a web onto a nearby building, swinging off into the distance.

****************

Evan walked into an alley and morphed from his old man in a suit to his Venom form. *Time to fight crime! Or if there is no crime Get some KFC!!!*

Evan jumped up the building wall, shot a web to a nearby high-rise and swung off to the local KFC. *Well, I guess there is no crime.* He thought without even surveying the city.

Evan passed by a bank and was stopped by a loud explosion. *And just as I was about to get to KFC too!* Evan swung down to the bank and took the form of Ben Rielly's costume. "Have no fear citizens!! I! Spider Person will save you!!" He struck a dramatic pose and was struck by an electrical blast that mearly absorbed into his head disk and was converted into more powerful energy that was released across his body, making him look like a Super Saiyan. Evan took advantage of this and morphed into Goku Super Saiyan level two.

"Villain! Step forth and receive thy doom!! He called out as he produced a katana from his costume. "Thou shalt feel the cruel embrace of DEATH!!" the Goku like figure got into a ready kendo pose and awaited his enemy.

The shocker, full with his yellow padded suit stepped out of the wreakage with a large bag of money slung over his right shoulder. He seemed confused and inquired with the Super Saiyan. "Who the HELL are you?"

Goku/Evan responded dramatically. "I! I am the treat in your cereal! The mare to your night! The wrong to your right! Or was the right to your wrong? I never have got that straight. Oh well You sir! Face the TICK!!! Or at least a cheap rip off of him!" Evan fired a level three blast that rid him of the stray energy that had covered his body only seconds ago. He transformed into a menacing version of Darkwing duck, complete with claws and a katana. He lunged at Shocker who had just dodged the blast, Darkwing swung his katana with one hand and stabbed forward with his clawed hand.

Shocker barely dodged the katana but took the claws full to the chest. He began to scream, bleeding all over the place. He looked at his wound and grimaced, "WHY!?! Super heroes don't kill!!" Evan responded by turning into Judge Judy.

"Court Adjourned. YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!" Evan/Judge Judy spun a web line and swung off into the distance singing the theme to Family Guy.

Shocker fell to the ground and felt his life quickly slip away as he watched Evan swing away and heard sirens in the distance.

*********************

The next day Josh picked up a paper on the way to his new job. He was lucky, the police officer who handed in his resume to the chief of police or whoever else ran the show and he was impressed with the record as well as the story of her stopping the car.

Josh always got a good laugh whenever she read the weekly world news, and she was lucky that it was on the way to school. Even the police station was oddly and luckily on the way to school. Josh looked at the cover of the paper and laughed out loud.

On the cover was Judge Judy's head super imposed onto a picture of Spider girl that had been taken by Peter. The title was, IS JUDGE JUDY ACTUALLY SPIDER GIRL!?, Shocking photo evidence!

The subtitle was even better and hilariously enticing. Josh opened the paper while she sat on a park bench. There was a picture of Judge Judy spinning a web into the air and swinging away. Josh stood up, put the paper in his back pocket and continued on his way to the police station.

Josh entered the Chief of Police's office a short time later. He was on the phone at the moment talking to reporters apparently.

"No we have no evidence regarding the Judge Judy/ Spider Girl incident! In FACT!, we have evidence that Spider GIRL isn't even FEMALE!" The chief said as he waved Joshes resume in frustration.

"NO! I'm not saying that Judge Judy is a man!" The chief then slammed the phone down on the receiver. Josh knocked lightly on the door and waited for the man to notice him.

"Can I come in? I'm here for the 4:30 job interview." The chief nodded and motioned for Josh to sit down in the chair across from his desk.

"Have you got any Police training?"

"Nope." Josh said as he sat down.

"Well that might be a problem. But you do have great credentials. The only problem is"

"What?" Josh said beginning to get slightly nervous.

"You don't show up on any citizen checks. By these reports, you technically don't exist." The chief sweated slightly.

"Well I obviously do exist. But I know I don't show up. It's cause I'm from another dimension."

If this was an anime the police chief would have facefaulted. "WHA!! Y-You're an alien or something!"

"No I'm perfectly human, except that I can basically change into a female whenever I want, and that I have Spider powers when I'm a girl. I suggest, good sir, that you give me a job as a detective or something, because I'm three times as powerful as the real Spider man and I can kill you with a flick of my finger. I've killed Venom and The Green Goblin already."

The police chief looked shocked. "You're threatening me!?!" He asked incredulously.

"Josh nodded. "To a degree. We'd both come out on top in the end. You'd get yourself a super powered cop and I'd get a job. You will be the man who cleaned up New York." Josh smiled at the police chief who smiled after thinking about it for a while.

"Okay you've got yourself a job kid. You'll need at least a month of police training before you can get your badge." Josh leaned forward and shook the man's hand.

"Thank you sir. You won't regret it." Josh then left the building and began walking towards Ben's apartment. He shook his head and smiled with a small chuckle. "Heh, Judge Judy."

****************

Judge Judy/Evan walked into a KFC and was surrounded by cameras. She smiled briefly before morphing into a Dracoliche (A skeletal Dragon) and scared off all of the press and most of the people in the restaurant. The Dracoliche walked up to the counter and morphed back into Judge Judy with half a Spider Girl costume on. It was tight on her wrinkly flesh and two people barfed the rest left in a hurry, covering their mouths and eyes.

"All the chicken you have! NOW!!" Judge Judy ordered the pimple faced boy at the counter. "And I DON'T want fries! Actually, Fries would be good. And five 2 litre Pepsis." Judge Judy snarled viciously at the cashier. "And it is free! Or your lives will be my money!!! or something along that line."

A few minutes later Judge Judy walked down the street with the giant bucket symbol of KFC filled with fried chicken. She had a satchel of French fries and five Pepsi bottles and held together with intricate strands of webbing and symbiote. She suddenly burst into song, in a high pitched bitchy voice. "ROW!!! ROW!!! ROW!!!! YOURRRRRR!!!!! BOAT!!!!!!" People ran away in fear and disgust of the sonic screams of the television judge.

*This is fun!* A happy feeling in his head confirmed that the symbiote was enjoying it as well. *Well I'm glad we get along Buggy boy!* a sharp pain went off in his head. * Hey Bug face!! I own you!! Oh well, this will make you happy.* Evan tripped an old lady and took a large bite of chicken, the symbiote became ecstatic with glee.

**************

The next day on the news, //-"This just in Judge Judy has rampaged through the city, causing riots and pulling pranks on old people while talking to herself."-\\

***************

Josh sighed as she sat in her science class in room 257. Apparently, they were scheduled to have some old guy lecture them on some sort of complicated scientific stuff. She thought that now would be a good time to sleep. One of her new friends Nikki, who was sitting beside her, looked over at Josh, who was in girl mode at the moment, and smiled.

"Hey! Want to try to sneak out of class? Apparently, it's some old guy giving the lecture. I heard he was mostly blind and half deaf." Josh shrugged.

"Sure why not? Then we could get my wife and all the other girls together and we could have a huge lesbian orgy." Nikki laughed aloud.

"You're hilarious!"

Just then, Evan burst through the door of the class. "I heard the words 'Lesbian, and ORGY! Where's the ACTION!?" Everyone looked up at Evan blankly. Evan smiled sheepishly and then walked to the front of the class; opening a book he had with him. "Uh Hello class! I'm Mr. McNeely. I'll be giving you a lecture on Quantum Physics today." Nikki groaned and Josh slammed her head on the desk, cracking the desk.

Evan frowned and threw an eraser at Nikki's head. It bounced of and he pointed a meter stick at her. "QUANTUM PHYSICS IS IMPORTANT IF YOU WANT TO CROSS OVER DIMENSIONS! LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SNOT! I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR FIFTY YEARS"

"You're only seventeen." Josh interrupted. A meter stick impacted with her skull a moment later.

"SHUT UP!""PUNK!"

Josh groaned and rubbed her head. *Why the HELL didn't my Spider sense go off!?!* She wondered in her mind. Up in Asgard, Loki laughed his ass off.

"Now, I realize that most of you will have no fricken clue what is coming out of my mouth. I'm guessing a few of you pip squeaks already tuned me out." Three erasers flew through the air, impacting with three students heads, each student had previously been trying to sleep. "Rule one. No sleeping, unless your me. And most of you are not. So NO SLEEPING!!! Rule two. SHUT UP!! Rule Three. SHUT UP!!"

Nikki spoke up, "You said shut up twice." This brought laughter from some of the students.

Evan glared evilly around the room, "You all just broke both rule 2 and 3." Erasers flew in every direction, each impacting painfully, with a students head, all but Joshes, who had remained mostly silent.

Evan continued, "Now then, I have recently noticed that all of you, with the exception of Josh. Are all idiots. Wait, Josh is an idiot to. So you are all equal. Damn! We got a bunch of Communists. Well. This calls for a celebration ya bunch of Ruskies."

Evan then turned around and started writing complex math problems and Quantum energy flux calculations on the board. This continued, along with an extremely boring lecture afterwards, when the class finished everyone filed out of the room. Evan however hit each student in the arm with a meter stick before they left the room except Josh, who glared at Evan when he tried.

Nikki groaned as she walked beside Josh to the cafeteria. "That teacher was smart! But he was a total ASS HOLE!" Josh smirked and took out her wallet so she could pay for lunch.

"You think that was bad!? I have to live with him!" Nikki paused and looked at Josh incredulously.

"Get the shit OUT!"

Josh shook her head. "I ain't lyin I actually live with fucker. It's alright though. He's almost never home and if he pisses me off I can beat the shit outta him. I got lots of time to play topless Tiddly Winks."

Nikki laughed. Josh didn't because her Spider sense went off. She moved out of the way and an eraser sailed towards Nikki. Impacting with her head quite forcefully.

Evan's voice rang out in the halls. "BAD GRAMMER! Chibi."

Josh and Nikki walked towards the Cafeteria and then after purchasing their lunches sat down at a table. "So what are you doing after school?" Nikki asked. Josh leaned back in her chair and scratched her boob.

"I got this freakin, police training thing. I'm gonna be a cop next month."

"A cop? But aren't you a little young to do that?" Nikki asked.

Josh shrugged "Isn't that ball breaking freak show teacher a little young to teach?" She asked her new friend.

Josh moved her head to the side and an eraser impacted with Nikki's head again, knocking her out of her chair and onto the floor.

*********************

Josh left the school alone and walked towards the police station where he was to meet the captain and then take the police training course. Hopefully she did well. Hopefully she would get to use a firearm. She looked left and right and noticed that Evan wasn't around. That was a good thing. She didn't want to have to listen to him talk. It tended to make you stupider when it wasn't about quantum physics.

Just then Josh heard something that made her female cursed form cringe and shudder. "Hey Josh! Want some chicken?" Evan said as he walked up beside her with a bucket of KFC in his hands.

Josh groaned. "What are you doing here Evan? How did you con your way into lecturing my class?"

Evan looked a little hurt. He wasn't, but he had to put up a front. "I got a teaching job here." Josh dropped to the ground and acted over dramatically.

"Oh GOD! WILL THE PAIN NEVER END!?!" Evan kicked her and then Josh punched him as hard as she could. Evan imbedded into a brick wall and then got out and kept walking beside Josh.

"This symbiote is cool! All I got to do to keep it happy is cause a little mischief once in a while and then I get to survive, normally, life threatening injuries. It heals me pretty fast. I also discovered that since we've already been to an Anime world we're more resistant to pain. Cool eh?" Josh shrugged and pulled out a paper from her knapsack. She handed it to Evan who looked at it then laughed his ass off.

"Judge Judy! That's gold!" Evan became serious, he tapped his fingers together ominously and said, "My plan is working." He formed a symbiote recorder, "Phase one complete. Moving on to phase two." The recorder disappeared and Evan got back to laughing. "So Josh. What do you want to do now? I mean, I'm off work, shocker is dead, I got nothing to do."

Josh stopped and glared at him. "What do you mean Shocker is DEAD!? I told Peter that I wouldn't kill anymore super villains!"

Evan looked inquisitive. "You DID say that didn't you? BUT!!!!! You didn't say that I couldn't."

"But if you kill off all of the villains then..."

Evan cut Josh off. "Peter and Ben can get on to a normal life. I figure it's the nicest thing I can do for them. I will take villain blood on my hands. I don't like it but someone has to do it. And if the vile villains are allowed to grow and pulsate with evil evilness! Who will stop them!?! I ask you!!! WHO!?!?!"

Josh looked angry. "But if there's no villains then we won't have anything to do!!" Evan looked shocked.

"I'm out of chicken! Besides, I'll leave Mysterio and Electro. Maybe Doc. Ock. I never did like him, but he is a man of science and I respect that... homie."

Josh groaned. Evan was in full stupid idiot mode now. There was no stopping him now. It was almost contagious. He saw a young kid walking down the street repeating the word 'homie' over and over again after hearing Evan say it.

"Listen Evan." Josh said "I'm going over to Peter's house to see the baby before I go to the police station. Do...you want to come?"

Evan nodded, "Sure, I have not seen the child in the comic books. It would be intriguing." Evan said attempting to rectify Josh's grammar.

Josh and Evan changed into their costumes in a nearby alley and jumped to the rooftops. They spun their webs and headed towards Peter Parker's house.

******************

Josh opened up the window to Peter's house and called inside. "YABBA DABA DOOOO!!!" Evan followed in after her and called out his own greeting.

"Um, hi. WHICKITY!!!!" He swung in to the house and almost knocked over some furniture, "Sorry about the almost accident, and sorry if I make one if I get drunk."

Josh and Evan walked into the hallway of the house and walked straight into Peter's Aunt Anna. She looked at Venom and Spider Girl and then screamed. Peter Parker and Mary Jane hurried up the stairs after hearing Anna and saw Spider Girl and Venom scrambling to get away from the woman. They were both clinging to the ceiling and running around in circles.

"AHHH!!!! AUNT ANNA WITH A SHOTGUN!!!!!.... Wait a second! She doesn't have a shotgun." Evan dropped to the floor and splatted then formed into Evan standing upright.

Josh landed right beside him and then just stood there. "I'm terribly sorry for intruding on you like this Aunt Anna!" Josh said trying to calm the woman down. Peter and Mary Jane came up beside the woman and held her by the shoulders. "I was just over here to see the baby I had no idea you were here."

"What do you want with Mary's baby!?" Anna asked accusingly.

"I'm just visiting! Jeez! You'd think that people were paranoid around here or something the way you carry on."

"Josh!" Peter said angrilly. Josh threw her hands in the air.

"ALRIGHT! Fine, sorry! I'll go change." Josh then walked down the hall and entered the bathroom.

"W...What's going on?" Asked aunt Anna scared. "Who is that girl? And that boy who turns into a monster."

Peter sweated. How was he going to explain this?

"Um, Hi. I'm Evan. And the girl is Josh, who is actually a boy. If you wouldn't mind hearing me out I could make us a cup of tea and we could chat." Evan suggested to the elderly woman. "Cause seeing how you are Peter's aunt you'll believe this no sweat!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Anna asked Peter.

*Oh! She doesn't know about Peter's Spidey side.* Evan composed himself. "Just cause he is the one who takes all the Spidey pictures and all. I thought you might have grown accustomed to the strange stuff."

Peter breathed a sigh of relief and Evan wiped his sweating brow.

Anna seemed to buy the excuse. "Well I suppose I could do with a cup of tea. And your story should be interesting."

Evan walked up to the kind old lady and put a arm gently around her shoulder, "Do you know how to play Yuker?" He asked as they headed off to the kitchen to have a cup of tea.

A few minutes later Josh stepped out of the bathroom as a male. "Um, where did aunt Anna go?" He said to the shocked couple. Peter and Mary Jane pointed to the kitchen in unison.

Josh seemed confused for a second then asked "So can I see the baby?"

********************

Evan and aunt Anna sat around the kitchen table playing Yuker, sipping tea. Anna played her last card and gathered up the stack. "So tell me you story young man."

Evan faltered for a bit. "Well where should I start. My life was normal till one day in the computer lab at school when Josh found some magic spell on the net."

Anna seemed confused. "So Josh got you into this?"

Evan shrugged, "I never thought of it that way. But yeah, I guess so. Um, after that we went into some weird universe that was based around this anime character named Ranma. Ranma has the same curse Josh has because of these weird springs that people drowned in a long time ago."

Anna interjected, "Your going a bit fast for me, but I heard you say Anime, that's one of those Japanese things right?"

Evan nodded and Anna smiled. "Yeah, so we went there and I began learning complicated stuff in the blink of an eye, Like I can speak Japanese and calculate the exact distance between this universe and the next."

Anna seemed confused and asked "So you gained an ability to learn things quicker than normal people could."

"Yeah. Again I never thought of it that way, I mean I've always been able to pick up languages quick, but Quantum Physics takes lifetimes. So yeah, I've got that going for me. Um, I can charge ions into condensed electrostatic fields and project them at high velocities."

Anna grew more and more confused. "Slow down there Evan. I'm an old lady you know." She began to laugh and Evan joined in. "Now, in laymen's terms."

"I shoot bolts of lightning out of my hands. And recently I got this alien suit called a symbiote from one of Spider Man's most deadly foes. Venom. The symbiote is what I was wearing when I crawled around on the ceiling. And sorry about the shotgun remark. I was kind of scared." Evan offered his apology.

Anna laughed out loud. "Ohh that is priceless! A big bad super hero scared of a little old lady. Oh this is great fun! Peter's got the strangest friends."

Evan rubbed the back of his head in a very anime like way and commented. "Yeah well, what can you do?" Evan sipped some more tea. "So that's basically my story. Know how to play Poker Geezer?"

"Do I!" Anna said picking up the cards and shuffling them.

Later on Peter, Mary Jane, and Josh in female form came downstairs after seeing the baby. Josh and Peter's Spider Senses went off and they looked up. Evan and Aunt Anna were sitting at the table playing cards. A pile of clothes sat in the corner of the kitchen and all the new comers averted their poor eyes.

"Come on junior! Drop your drawers! I win and that's all you got left!" Evan whined.

"COME ON! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!? I'M BROKE AND DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES! JOSH HELP ME!" Evan said as a single tear streamed down his cheek. Ann had a huge pile of money and IOU's and was smiling.

"You call yourself a super hero."

Josh ran away. "I better get to my Police training. BYE!" With that he ran out the door.

Anna looked over to Peter and smiled. "Does Captain America play poker Peter?" She asked with a little bit of a lecherous grin.

"STOP HER! She's turned into some sort of HAPPOSAI! She'll take over the world." Evan then started crying. "She grabbed me. It was all wrinkly."

Peter and Mary Jane ran up the stairs.

*****************

The next week in Evan's science class. "OK! I realize that I will be having you kids for the rest of the year." Everyone groaned. Evan barely restrained himself from tossing erasers. "Ok, I have decided to go easy on you and try to even win a few of you over to the side of knowledge, away from your punk assed Rap and into the golden age that is PUNK ROCK! Now I find that music helps me concentrate. So I brought in a specialized stereo system. I will be allowing you kids to bring in a cd a day. But seeing how you are Communists, you all have to agree on it. And of course, I do to. So, I want a show of hands on who agrees with my idea." Hands shot up all over the class. "Good, the Communists have spoken. Oh yeah, and any drop outs will be hunted down and probably bombarded with erasers. Now on to the lessons. I have here." Evan lugged out a large animeish gun. "This is a heavyarms custom machine gun. It is loaded with rubber bullets cause the rest of the teachers didn't like me bringing in anti tank bullets. Might hurt someone or some crap like that." This brought some laughter. Evan looked serious.

"I WILL fire this weapon! Don't push me!" The class went silent and pale. "Just kidding!... Or am I?" The class remained silent and grew paler. Josh was the only exception and she was currently eating a banana. She got out of her seat and threw the peel in the garbage. Evan ignored her. "Well I guess Josh-chan is a Capitalist pig! Communists and Capitalists do not get along miss VanHa... Deen."

Josh glared at him. "My name is Joanna! And you know that if you do anything to me during school then I'll beat you real bad when we get home." Evan shut up and continued to teach the class. Josh actually found Evan to be a fairly good teacher, compaired to the rest and actually listened to the lesson.

"Now then! You all might be wondering why I had this gun brought in. I want to calculate the trajectory of the bullets. Can I get a volunteer. Miss VanDeen!" Evan said ignoring the rest of the class, "Who's the girl sitting next to you?"

Josh pointed to Nikki and Evan nodded. "Her names Nikki." Evan turned his back to the class and cocked the weapon.

"Please come to the front of the class...Nikki." He said. Nikki grew as pale as a bed sheet and began sweating profusely.

"Anytime now Nikki. You know I had a girlfriend named Nikki, I don't really consider her a girlfriend anymore, It was kind of a problem I will be putting on your exams. All about dimensions and such." Nikki finally made her way up to Evan and tapped him on the shoulder. Evan spun around with an evil look on his face. "You shall be first!... to try the weapon that is." He handed the large weapon to the young girl. She grasped it easily and found that it was actually quite light.

Evan pulled a device out from his desk and set it up on top of it. "Class I've created this device and it is ten times more potent than any police radar gun, only it doesn't cause Cancer it causes random genetic mutations. So it's never to be pointed at anything living. It will calculate the trajectory and speed of the bullet as it careens towards me." He walked over to the other side of the room and looked at Nikki. "You can shoot me now. This is your chance to get back at me for homework or a bad mark on that test last Tuesday."

Nikki seemed willing to oblige and opened fire on the young professor. Each bullet either whizzed by him or impacted and seemingly passed through him but did not exit on the other side. The teenage girl had a maniacal grin on her face and then shot the large weapon again. Evan stopped the device on his desk and walked around the desk towards Nikki. He grabbed the gun from the girl and put it back behind the desk.

"Now class. Who else would like to try?" Every student in the class put their hand in the air.

******************

Josh walked home by herself that day. Nikki had to stay after school for some odd reason. She didn't really care all that much though. The girl was boring and never wanted to play strip tidily winks. Josh walked into an alley and was about to change into her costume when she felt an odd presence. She looked towards a brick wall and where she felt the presence. She could feel something from the other side of the wall but she sensed that there wasn't even a wall there.

Josh stepped forward and touched the wall cautiously with her hand, but her hand passed through the wall as if it wasn't there. She then stuck her head through and noticed that there was some sort of passageway leading down. "HELLOOOO!?" Josh called into the passageway. Nobody answered so Josh decided to enter and see what was down there. Her curiosity got the best of her once again.

Josh's Spider Sense went off just then, but it was too late. She had not been paying too much attention and had walked right through a laser trip wire. Some sort of siren went off in the distance. A huge mechanical CLANG sounded off behind her and she sweated a little.

"Don't tell me. There's some sort of big robot behind me." Josh then jumped out of the way thanks to her Spider Sense, and dodged a huge fist that slammed onto the ground where she had once been standing. She jumped down the hallway and landed gracefully in a crouching position. She almost fell on her face laughing when she saw the thing clearly. It was some sort of giant Big headed Spider Man robot. It looked Chibi. "I thought that all of Mysterio's big headed Spidey Robots were destroyed or something."

Josh then dodged three more robots that were just modeled after robots. "She shrugged in mid leap and landed on the wall to the vast hallway she and the bots were in. "Learn something everyday."

One of the traditional robots crashed towards the wall at a break neck speed, Josh easily dodged this and landed in the middle of the robots. Josh rolled forward at the Spidey robot, whose sensors were not fast enough to track the super speed of Josh. Josh merely kicked the feet out from under it and directed it's fall onto the smaller spider shaped robots.

The big robot tried to get up but Josh jumped onto the ceiling above it and shot a chi blast at it's back. It tore through the metal, gears, and circuitry, destroying the over sized Chibi Spider Man. The other two Spider robots were intact though and jumped through the hole Josh made and leapt towards the boy. Josh grabbed one just as it tried to shoot her with some poison stuff and swung it at the other one before it could reach her. It knocked it into a wall and broke through.

Josh noticed that her swing killed both robots and shrugged. She then decided to change into her costume, before she continued on to find whoever, or whatever was in this secret lair. Though she was already pretty sure that it was Mysterio. She took off her clothes and then pulled her costume out of her bag.

***************

Mysterio sat in his super secret lair, which Josh-chan had easily broken into. He glanced evilly at the screen through his helmet and mused to himself. *So there are more than one Spider powered hero in the city, this will hamper my plans.* He looked into the screen with hate, remembering what Spider Man had done to him so long ago. *I will have revenge on that Spider! And I will start with his accomplice.* Suddenly he jerked away from the screen. *H-He's a...girl!! And what a girl!!* Mysterio was getting the show of his life through the television screen as Josh began changing into her Spider Girl costume. *I-I...* Mysterio began to have his mind slowed by the changing Spider Girl. *Maybe I'll just take her captive...* Josh finished with Her costume and Mysterio continued to stare at the screen with lust in his mind, so much lust that I'm not even going to write what he's thinking. He just kept staring, even as Josh entered the lair and began rooting around for the culprit himself.

******************

Josh walked into a room and noticed that there were several doors. And they were numbered. "Hmmm seems like Mysterio had this all planned out for somebody. More than likely one of them is the real one and the rest are booby trapped. More than likely I should get therapy for talking to myself." Josh decided that just getting ready to open the doors would trigger her Spider Sense and she'd know which one was the right one.

Josh took one step forward and then one of the doors opened on it's own. She walked towards it and her Spider sense didn't go off so she shrugged and entered the door. It closed behind her and locked but she still didn't sense any danger.

She noticed that it was only a small hallway and it just went straight to another door. She walked towards it cautiously and then opened it. She saw Mysterio sitting at a table. Two places were set out and there were candles all over the place. A huge chicken dinner sat on the table with large plates on either side of the table.

Mysterio gesture to the seat on the other side of the large table and Josh reluctantly sat down after making sure that there were no booby traps on it.

"You may take off your mask girl. I have already seen your face." Josh did so and glared at the villain.

"Yeah! I'll bet you saw a lot more too haven't you?" Mysterio blushed under his mirror dome helmet. He took it off after a moment and set it down beside him.

"Yes and I apologize for that. But this is my secret lair and I keep tabs on all that goes on around the area. You under stand that it is for safety reasons. I am not really in favor of the law."

Josh groaned. "That's why this establishment is right by a highschool isn't it? I'll bet you just love the young girlies eh?" Mysterio blushed again.

"I haven't thought of that."

Josh shrugged and took a bite of the plate of chicken in front of her. "Why don't you just get a job as a movie special effects guy? You got all this cool stuff so why not use it for a good cause? I'd like to see what kind of movies you could make up."

"Really?" Mysterio asked.

Josh nodded as she took a huge bite of chicken. "Yeah! That'd be hella cool! I'd gladly act in one for you if you needed. With my spider powers and Spider Sense and all you wouldn't need stunt men." Mysterio put his hand on his chin thoughtfully.

"That's a good point but the money isn't all that great."

Josh shrugged and downed a glass of juice. He had wine but josh didn't like alcohol and noticed that there was fruit juice. "So? Everyone starts off small. I live in a ratty apartment with two guys and don't even have a job. I"m working my way up like everyone else. I plan to get a couple kids someday, a nice house a steady job and a white picket fence. Actually scratch the fence that could be dangerous."

Mysterio thought about this. Nobody had ever explained it to him like that. Those psychiatrist were all full of self righteous CRAP! This girl had enlightened him in so many ways and he'd only known her for a few minutes. Josh wiped her mouth on her sleeve and stood up.

"Thanks for the grub Sterio. I'll be on my way. I got job training soon I don't want to be late." Mysterio looked at the table and noticed that all of the food was gone. The only thing that was left was the alcohol. He looked up but Josh was already gone.

"DAMN!" Mysterio said to himself. *I was going to get her drunk and seduce her. Oh well.*

***************

Evan stretched back in one of the deserted chairs of the Fan Four building which he had claimed for his own, though most of it was gone, it was still his hideaway. He threw some sketches onto the table in front of him. *Damn universal relativity!! Got to make this to get back in the good books with Kas and Josh! This may mean stopping drinking! Ahh, I don't think I'll go that far, I'll only drink on occasion...* Evan materialized a text book from the atoms of it's destroyed self. *Astro Physics, Relativity. Well, my ionizers may just be the greatest invention of all time.* Evan flipped through the book and got back to his sketches, materialized some metal sheets from the wreckage. Then set off to work, creating any materials or tools that he might need for the job. After about ten minutes he had finished. *This is great, now to build it's counter part.* Evan built a slightly smaller version of the first and held them both up to the light to inspect them, with the help of the symbiote. The first was a telephone like machine with a black screen where the buttons should have been. The second looked more like a cellular phone with the same black screen. Both phones had a frequency setter and an on and off button. Evan had made sure that these machines would last for eons and had placed a miniature nucular reactor inside of the machines. *They are done.* A slight tingle in his head confirmed that there were no leaks in the devices, now all Evan had to do was find Josh and hope that Kasumi would stop by.

*******************

Authors notes {I'm a cool person. I'm getting rid of all of the villains here one way or another. The next chapter will kind of delve into some other Marvel people that aren't related to Spidey. I'm also gonna complete my training and become a cop. I'll rid our schools of drugs and look cool. I'll get pepper spray too. That would be good on steak. I already have an idea of what Evan made. I won't give it away though. If I don't tell you anything than you wont know anything [insert subliminal message here] I'll also do some cool shyte with the X-men. Maybe, the Fan Four will come in as well, maybe. I won't be killing any more bad guys unless they really get on my nerves. Meh. Here's the unlogical word of Evan.}

Morden Night: anime_morden@crystal-tokyo.com

http://josh_vh.tripod.com/mordensranmapage/

(Aunt anna is my friend. Um... No she is evil!! PURE EVIL!!! She is Pant Man incarnate!!!... I'm scared....)

{There's a pant thief to every universe.}

(AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Josh-chan!!! YOU ARE EVIL!!! If you make Captain America steal my pants you will die [looks at Josh evilly] [Josh laughs at Evan and steals the keyboard.]

{Sucks that I'm the DM in this story don't it?}

(I will have my revenge.... [broods in a corner][Punches Evan][screams like a girl] Ok, the weird thing is, we actually did these actions that have been typed in our lovely square brackets.) [Hits Evan harder and then he makes a squeaking sound of some sort]

Agasaki Ishano: Agasaki@crystal-tokyo.com

http://evan_m0.tripod.com