Self Insertion

Chapter 20

Back to the Universe, the return of Pant man.

Priest, Leona, Light hammer, Snowman, Chupa, Nyssa, Reinhardt, the black dude. Eli Damaskinos, Abraham Whistler, Josh(Scud), Jared Nomak

The Blood pack, Evan, Blade, Whistler and Josh stepped into the hidden vampire safe house. After walking through the 'formality' area they entered what appeared to be a massive party room except for the strange ritualistic suffering through various means and devises that obsessed the vampiric culture. Some of the nearer vampires turned to face the newbies, especially Evan, Whistler and Josh. Josh smiled. "Ah a vampire party scene. What would the second Blade movie be without one." She noted.

Blade looked over to her and looked inquisitive. "What'djou say?" He asked.

Josh shook her head. "Oh nothing. Just musing."

Evan's eyes twitched as he scanned the large room that was infested with undead flesh. "So... many... TARGETS!!" Evan's hand holding the uzi clenched and began to shake uncontrollably. Evan put his other hand on the first and slowly drew it away. *Mustn't kill vampires, mustn't kill vampires... I hate you dad!! WHY DID YOU CLONE MOM AND THEN I COPPED A FEEL!!...wait... I'm living another person's life. Deal with your own Evan... deal with your own. It's time for my vampire 'special blend' necklace/skin cream.* He thought as he reached into his pocket and slipped on a silver necklace and rubbed some garlic cream on his neck, instantly the immediate vampires backed off, hissing furiously. "What?_WHAT_!?!" Evan screamed as he drew his uzi, that just happened to be loaded with armor piercing, silver bullets coated with garlic extract. "WHAT!! WHAT!! I be down wit da g string homo!"

Josh noticed a Reaper over in the corner of the room and pointed with her UV light at it, it melted a bunch of vampires and then the Reaper blowed up real good in a hail up glowing blue ash.

All the other Reapers noticed this and attacked. Josh looked over at Nyssa and the others. "Eh... use the UV lamps... it's the only thing that'll work."

"We'll see about that!!" Reinhardt said as he ran through the screaming crowd with his shotgun towards a Reaper. "DIE MOTHER FUCKER!!!"

Josh sighed. "Moron."

Evan began to shoot every vampire in sight, but not the Reapers. The hail of bullets continued, with only Josh and Blade using the UV's like they were supposed to. "OVER THERE!!" Blade said as he pointed to a door which a Reaper ran away into. Him and Nyssa then ran after it.

Josh smiled and found a nice spot on the ceiling where he could just shine light upon the Reapers. "Well this is nice." She noted as she pulled out a chocolate bar. For some reason she needed them when in female form. She couldn't help it. It's as if women were naturally addicted to chocolate from birth. *Fuckin pigs.* Josh thought in her head. *They're all gonna get fat!*

The slaughter ensued.

********************

After the slaughter, Evan and Josh wandered around the dance floor picked valuables to pawn of for poker money. "I'm gonna kick your ass next game Josh-chan!!!"

Josh held her finger up. "No you won't."

Evan got one of those red cross thingies that happens when people are mad in Animes and stuck it on his head. "I'm mad!! Note the red thing!!" Evan put the red cross thing away and started to fret. "Damn chick man... I will defeat you in the honorable battle of poker... or something." Evan paused for a second. "I HATE YOU!!!... Poopie."

Josh ignored Evan and kept picking stuff up. "Ooh. Rolex."

"DAMN IT!!" Evan screamed. "I saw it FIRST!!!"

Josh ignored him and picked up a wallet. "HEY!! FOUR THOUSAND BUCKS!!!"

"THAT ONE WAS MINE!!!!"

"Hey!! A gold chain studded with real diamonds!"

"AHHH!!! I WANT IT!!!"

"Playstation 2!"

"Huh?"

"Seems one of these vamps had been carting one around before you shot them." Josh then looked inside the machine. "GTA 3!!"

"FUCK YOU!!!" Evan said and then turned aside. "I almost hit a PS 2 and GTA 3... this is almost unforgivable. I should have spotted it sooner, then I could have killed him right... oh well. Now I just have to wait until Josh isn't looking..." Evan stalked up on Josh who planted a fist in the dark haired boy's stomach.

"I heard you Evan. This isn't Shakespeare, you can't just hold asides." Josh said as she fondled the Playstation. "Oh Playstation, how I love thee."

****************

Later at the Blade shack. Josh and Evan entered the complex and smiled as they saw a reaper on an operating table. "Where'd you get an operating table?" Josh wondered.

Blade ignored the question and changed the subject. "We found a Reaper that got caught in the sewer entrance. He died of thirst and we're dissecting him."

Josh nodded "Uh huh."

"Where have you shit heads been?" asked Reinhardt who was one of the survivors.

Evan frowned and splashed him with Jusenkyo water. "Watch your mouth you Mother fucking honkie son of a bitch with hemorrhoids."

Josh laughed at the now human female Reinhardt. "OH!!! You got TOLD!!!" Josh then turned her attention to the Reaper. "So what's up with Reapy?"

Nyssa explained the thing about being crack fiends, and the not allergic to garlic, and the heart in cased in solid bone thing. "Oh. Okay. Well I'm going to bed. Wake me when it's time to hunt Reapers." Josh then left the group and went to bed.

Evan looked over the dead Reaper. "Fascinating... so if you drop in some blood the system will try to feed."

Nyssa took a razor, cut her finger and squeezed a drop into the area of where the stomach used to be. Instantly the entire body started to convulse with action, digesting the blood. After a short time the system died off again. "Amazing." Nyssa stated.

Evan rolled his eyes. "I already knew what was going to happen. Besides we didn't learn anything about how to beat them except for the small area where the heart isn't encased in bullet proof bone. You know you could have followed my lead and made sure your bullets were armor piercing."

Reinhardt in female form snapped. "BUT YOU NEVER EVEN ATTEMPTED TO AIM AT THE REAPERS!! YOU WERE TOO BUSY KILLING NORMAL VAMPIRES!!!"

Evan shrugged. "I thought they were Reapers."

Reinhardt growled. "YOU LYING SACK OF SHIT!!!"

Evan shrugged again. "Least I'm not a chick who can't do anything but bitch and cook."

Nyssa slapped Evan sending him flying.

Evan growled and used his magic again, making reihardt's curse permanent and giving both Reinhardt and Nyssa the urge to clean everything and cook lots of food for him , Josh and Blade.

Reinhardt stopped doing anything for a second. "Who want's meatbuns?"

Evan put up his hand as did the rest of the people there, mostly out of fear.

Nyssa put her hand on her chin. "Who wants... Pie?"

Evan smiled. "Improvement? I think so."

***********

Later on that night Evan shook Josh from her sleep, when that didn't work he doused her with boiling water. This got Josh's attention, waking him and provoking him to send a punch at Evan, though it was deflected painfully by an electric field. "Josh, I'm bored."

Josh, in a sleepy state mumbled. "Go give people curses or something."

Evan shrugged. "Too late. Light hammer is a chicken, Leona is a pig, the black dude is a rock.. I didn't know rocks could drown, but with a mumble or too the spell became cursed water of drowned rock. Chupa is hot chocolate powder... he's dead now... I was thirsty. Snowman is still pegged to the floor... but I turned him into a raving fag. Priest is a plant and is currently decorating the kitchen in which Nyssa is baking me a pie. And Reinhardt is still a chick... but I felt pity and turned her into a lesbian. So yeah... there's no body to curse."

Josh shrugged and rolled over trying to get back to sleep. "Make Whistler Pand Plaid."

Evan shrugged. "I could, but that would ruin the reason I woke you up. I want to go visit Blink and Kasumi, I was wondering if you wanted to come via a temporal distortion spell. So, you game?"

Josh sat up and yawned. "Sure... I could use some sex... That and I'd like to visit my children."

Evan smiled. "Sex... Yeah... and I want to be sure that normal Akane doesn't corrupt my Akane. Though funny, the world probably would implode."

"I still hate you for that." Josh said as he glared at the x-vampire.

"I know... I know." Evan said as he mentally prepared the spell which would last for a single day.

**********

a short period of time later Josh appeared in Kasumi's bed as per Evan's fine spell casting abilities, (I'm not writing this part... nooo... Ok fine.) And Evan appeared beside Blink, awakening the always defensive mutant.

"EVAN!!" she screamed. "Whoa, you shocked me there."

Evan smiled and kissed his betrothed. "I want to get married to you tomorrow." He said rather directly.

Blink kissed him back and smiled. "Wedding planning takes time Evan, tomorrow is kind of rushed."

Evan smiled. "I know a place where a whole day is a year." He said, baiting the woman.

Blink grinned. "That just might work. But what about Akane?"

Evan shrugged. "She could come along, sides, I've got a fake son to visit there. I want to make sure he doesn't turn out to be a big pansy."

Blink punched Evan lightly. "You are so shallow sometimes."

"I know. But that's why you love me." Evan said, embracing his future wife.

"Not really. I try to look past that. I love you for you general bursts of kindness and affection, which reminds me. When are you planning to be a father to my baby?"

Evan looked ashamed. "I know I haven't been there for you two, but that's because I haven't found a spell strong enough to hold me here. You know that I would stay and help you, but I can't."

Blink's eyes became misty. "But I miss you so much when your gone." She said, starting to cry.

Evan wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and trying to comfort the pink skinned girl. "I miss you too."

**************

Josh lay beside Kasumi, his former thoughts of macking and leaving gone as he looked upon her pristine form. He kissed her forehead gently so not to wake her and held her close as he quickly fell to sleep.

*************

The next morning Kasumi awoke with a start. "WHA!! W-WHO ARE..." Kasumi cut herself short as it clicked in her mind that this 'intruder' was indeed her husband. "Oh Josh." She said carressing his face. "I thought you were somebody else."

Josh looked confused. "HAH!?" He said confused. "Who could i have possibly been?"

Kasumi shrugged. "Some sort of robber?"

Josh shrugged. "I guess that works. Where's Lilith and Morden?" He asked. Kasumi smiled. "They're both in a crib in Nabiki's room, Lilith came out of her coma already."

Josh smiled. "Oh. Well that's good. How are things around here?" Josh then glared. "You haven't been cheating on me or anything have you?" He asked.

Kasumi smiled. I kissed another man for revenge against you for kissing that beastly whore." She said pleasantly.

"Who was it?" Josh asked.

"Ranma."

"Oh I'll bet he got a kick out of that." Josh said.

Kasumi giggle. "No, first he got a stiffy, then he got a kick."

Josh slowly inched his way to the door.

****************

Josh Devan all of a sudden appeared in the Ranma universe and fell into a coma.

******************

Evan smiled the next day as he went out into the Tendo's yard. He noticed a body lying half in the koi pond. "OH MY GOD!! Kasumi has struck again!!" Evan said as he shook his fist. Evan stepped closer and looked at the body closer. "Wait a minute... I know him." Evan checked his pulse and found that he still had one. Evan delved into the boy's soul with a minor incantation. "Josh-san? Cool!"

Evan cast a revitalizing spell, bringing the dark haired boy out of his coma. "Josh-san, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I was playing Yu Gi Oh and I saw this card that bore a resemblance to you and WHAM!! I got sucked into this portal thing. It was sweet!..." Josh looked at his friend. "Whoa, how the hell did you get muscular? Can I get muscled too?"

Evan stared at his friend. "Right... So then, do you have any powers? Paul got cool future predicting stuff and I learn stuff from reading, Josh-chan is a legit chan and can learn any physical maneuver. You've got to get some cool power thing."

Josh shook his head. "I don't know... you know don't you?"

Evan blinked. "I do, don't I... whoa, mind trick! I hate you and your cool power!!"

Josh shrugged. "Ok whatever. Wanna go play Yu Gi Oh?"

Evan shrugged. "Ok, but I warn you, whenever I play a card it comes to life... It's a weird thin that has to do with my innate magical powers... So if Gaia The Fierce Knight comes out and kicks your ass it's not my fault."

All of a sudden Josh, V came out of the house. "Hey Evan, Kasumi's getting pretty violent. I... Josh?"

Evan looked back and forth and then clutched his head. "AHH! THERE'S TWO JOSHES!! CONFUSED AM I!!!"

"Yeah Josh, I was playing Yu Gi Oh and I had the Dark Magician and all of a sudden I was falling and I did a belly flop in your pool....Sorry 'bout that" Josh D exclaimed.

Evan smiled. "Who gives a shit, it's not my pond. You should apologize to the homicidal maniac that Josh-chan married. I think she's upstairs. You know..."

All of a sudden Kasumi was heard screaming "JOSH!!! why is there a dog humping my leg???"

Evan smiled. "Oh, you're good."

Josh put a hand on his chin. "And I was just thinking about dogs humping people's legs... weird..."

Evan put a hand to his chin as well. "Mind trick indeed. You are one of the Jedi aren't you?"

Josh stared at Evan strangely. "Sure... Why not."

Evan pumped his hands in the air triumphantly. "WE GOTZ ANOTHER JEDI IN DA HOUSE!!! So Josh-san, you can do crazy mind trick things, like making people think that they have dogs humping their legs."

Josh D smiled. "SWEET!!"

All of a sudden Evan asked Josh D. "Um Josh do see those purple homosexual monkeys all over Josh V?"

"Opps sorry Evan, I was just thinking how funny it would be to see gay purple monkeys...And I was also thinking of Josh for some odd reason" Josh D replied.

Evan frowned and began drawing kanji in the air that remained in a light blue trail. "You cannot affect me demon. For I have created a mental block around me, from your evilness. Damn homosexual monkeys, thou shall not affect me no longer!!"

All of a sudden Josh-chan screamed in agony. "EVIL WOMEN!! DON'T THEY KNOW I'M GAY!?!"

Evan looked at Josh and started drawing kanji again. "Thou shall not affect my best friend either."

All of a sudden Josh turned back to normal. "Ewww, I passed up women... I should commit sepuku..."

Josh D. thought for a moment and smiled."You know what power would be cool?" He asked. "The ability to fly."

Evan smiled and pointed a hand at Josh. "Fly you shall!" Mystic energy shot forth from Evan's hands and entered Joshes body. He then grew wings, long white feathered wings. There was a spurt of blood and they shot out of his back. He then collapsed in pain moments later. "I suppose that was a might bit powerful without some sort of pain killer... four or five dozen Aspirin might have lessened it a little." Evan pondered this for a second as Josh's wings folded into his back, leaving nothing but scars and large bumps.

Josh-chan stared at Evan for a second. "Yeah..."

Kasumi called out for Josh to come back to bed and Evan made a "WHAPPISH!!" sound and pretended to crack a whip. Josh glared, "Shut up." He said as he walked into the house.

"GET IN HERE MONKEY BOY!!!"

Evan laughed and re-administered the reviving spell on Josh-san (Josh D). "So angel face head kid. You have your wish. Now you are my eternal slave. I O\/\/NZ J00!!!"

Josh glared at Evan. "No you don't."

"You're a free man Josh." Evan said in a daze. He then shook his head and glared. "That shouldn't have worked."

"I got stronger!!" Josh said.

Evan smiled. "Look at the kanji on your head. That stands for Evan. I control you... or you just have my name stamped on your forehead..."

"Latter!" Josh said with a stern look and a wave of his hand.

"Ladder." Evan repeated with a blank look.

Josh walked over to the pond and began to wash his forehead. "Hey Evan, this stuff is washable....Sucker!"

"I HATE YOU!!!... POOPIE!!!" Evan screamed. "Wait... I'm back in Ranma... old habits die hard. Wanna go get wasted and wake up with no pants?"

"DO I!?!?" Josh seconded.

They walked to the nearest bar with Josh V's money and lived happily ever after.

****************

At the nearest bar Evan and Josh-san were pasted as hell. "BOH GOB!! I'mm soooooo wastered!!!" Evan slurred as he set down his fifteenth oversized bottle of Sake.

Josh-san muttered something about flying and spread his wings. "Immm da masta off da luniversss!!!"

Evan slapped the table and burst into uncontrollable laughter. "Dudeee I gots a sw33t cutty shing!! Sward!!" Evan handed Josh a sword from...somewhere and continued. "Juss yous says I am She-man, by the power off magicalll stuffs I kick ass!!"

Josh stupidly grabbed the sword and repeated the phrase, and lo, She-Man was born.

**************

Later that day on the news.

*Ha haaaa. That's right bill. Back to you Jim.*

*Thank you Sarah. Well it seems that two super hero's have appeared on the scene in Tokyo this morning. The pair are calling themselves, She-Man and Pant-less man. Yokukaszu has the rest on that story.*

*Thank you Jim. These two odd hero's have been slaughtering criminals everywhere. This small superhero team consists of a transsexual, and a man wearing his underwear on his head. They've actually agreed to have an interview with me right now.* The reporter then turns to the superhero's, Pant-less man is heavily censored. *So how does it feel to be Japan's first superhero's?*

Evan walked forward and stared close into the camera. *I'm A GONNA NUUTS!!! POTCHIEEEEE!!!* He slurred before falling down.

Josh-san(She-Man) stumbled for a bit and then kicked Evan. *I'm orny!* He? Slurred. *He then produced a cup of cold water from nowhere and splashed the reporter, it did nothing, Josh then held out his arms towards him and shouted. *COME ERE!!*

*BOH GOB!!!* Evan screamed from the ground before standing up. He and Josh gave each other a quick look and then started to dance like it was 1999. They did so very badly before falling down Joshes face landing in Evan's crotch.*_BOH GOB_!!!! Gets of mish j00 pervarted monkey!!!* Evan slurred before falling asleep and latching onto the reporters leg.

The reporter slapped a sweat drop on his head and frowned. *What the fuck?* he stated to the camera. *They're fucking DRUNK!!! Screw this I'm going home.*

Kasumi and Josh frowned as they shut off the T.V. "Oh dear." Kasumi said.

Josh-chan frowned. "All I want to know is where they got the money to get so wa... oh shit."

Kasumi shrugged. "Who cares? As long as it's bad men they're killing."

"I guess."

*************

Evan kicked some old lady in the head. "Sooo wastered!!!"

She-man nodded. "Verily, the effects of Alcoholic substances linger long upon you my friend."

Evan kicked She-man in the shin, which had no affect because he was so very drunk. "Fudge you, you man woman..."

"Right then, we should continue our quest of protection, this fine city is in need of heros." She-man said adjusting his bra.

All of a Sudden a voice from Evan's past called out. "PANTALOON TYPHON!!!"

"BOH GOB!!!" Evan screamed as he turned around a lot, till he fell to the ground dizzy.

A mass of razor sharp pants swirled around and took down the two heros. Josh Devan and Evan turned around and gasped when they saw a "PANT GOLEM!!!" Evan screamed as he pointed at the entity with the glowing yellow eyes and the pants that swirled around it like a symbiote.

The Golem began to laugh.

"If I wasnrn't soo wasterered, I'da kick yuor ass Golmom!!!" Evan screamed drunkenly. "Wait a secoered!!" Evan mumbled some magical words and instantly the effect of alcohol vanished and he was sober as any sober person could be. "Just for making me waste my drunkenness I'm going to kick your ass!" Evan said as he charged a kamehameha.

Before Evan could throw the Kamehameha the pant golem laughed and thrust it's pant covered arms forward. "KILT KANNON!!" It screamed as it held out a kilt and it shot a laser blast forward, canceling out the Kamehameha, and striking Evan in the chest.

She-Man struck a pose and pointed at the golem, "VERILLY THOU HAST..."

"KAHKI CRUSHER!!!"

"AAAAUUUGH!!!" She man was suddenly hit by extra weighted down Kahki's and fell to the ground. "F...Fiend!"

Evan stood up and looked at the hole in his shirt. "Dude, that's not cool. SHEARS OF SHARPNESS!!!" Evan pulled out oversized pruning shears and lunged at the golem.

"TIGHTY WHITEY TWISTER!!!" Evan was knocked back by a hoarde of tighty whiteys which did nothing more than injure his pride, but his assault was stopped.

All of a sudden Josh-chan appeared. "Hey, what the hell is going on here? I seen you guys screwing up on the news."

Evan glared at Pant Man. "He is back."

Pant man struck a dramatic, almost Sailor Moonish pose. "I am the theif who raids your pantie drawer!! I am the tailor that steals your pants!! I am the soil that invades your shorts... um... that was a bad one... just a sec... I am..."

Evan cut him off. "DARKWING DUCK!!!"

Pant Man glared at his only real foe. "No." He said smugly. "PANT MAN!!!" As he said this a pantaloon typhoon sprung up behind him sheerly for dramatic effect.

Evan shrugged. "He is the guy who kept stealing my pants last time we were here."

Josh-chan nodded, She Man mumbled something about homosexuality as she rolled around on the cement. Evan kicked She man till it awoke.

Pant Man smiled. "So you remember me eh? Well, I've been building a super secret attack just for you, and it's not my kilt kannon. It's.... MEGA DENIM GOLEM FORM 2 SPILT FORM!!!" as he spoke those mystical words hundreds of denim golems sprung from the earth and gathered around the trio in a circular formation.

Evan looked over at Josh-chan. "Wanna use or super secret attack pattern?"

Josh-chan raised an eyebrow. "We have a secret attack pattern?"

Evan grinned. "No, but that's what will get em. Element of surprise."

Josh-chan shook his head. "Riight, let's just kick ass."

"Meh." Evan said as he lunged to the nearest golem with his aforementioned pair of oversized pruning shears and began to rip it into pieces while warding off the other golems with his aura.

She Man drew forth it's sword of power and started hacking random golems, while Josh-chan used his spider powers to evade until he found their breaking point using the Bakusai Tenketsu to make them explode, Evan pulled out Wolverine claws and started hacking them to pieces. This all wasn't working however, the golems kept regenerating, and more kept being risen.

"THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM!!! WE CAN'T BEAT THEM ALL!!" Josh said as she started using chi powers to disintegrate them. "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"

"BECOME THIRTEEN!!!" Evan responded.

"WHAT!?!" She-Man stated. "HOW DOST BECOMING YOUNGER AID US IN OUR BATTLE!?!"

The trio moved together and then Pant-Man called out his next attack. "MEGA DENIM GOLEM!!! FORM THREE!!!!!" Just then all of the golems began to merge with Pant-Man who began to grow, several stories high.

"SNICKITY SNOOTH!!!" Evan said as he stared up at the now godzilla sized Pant-man. "THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY HE CAN BE DEFEATED NOW!!!" He yelled into Joshes ear.

"Oww, fuck off yah dick."

"Verilly!"

Evan shrugged and then summoned the american version of Godzilla. "Pant-Man's going down!!!"

Just then Godzilla ran away to go have babies in Tokyo Subway. "Fuck. Plan B." Evan walked over to Josh and slapped on two gauntlets that resembled Eva unit 02's arm restraints, and put other's that looked like 03's on She-man, who he reverted to Josh-san out of pity. He slapped on his own which looked like unit 01's and nodded to the Joshes. "Ok, who wants to become an Eva?"

Josh-san looked confused. "What's an Eva?"

Evan shook his head. "Like a Gundam, but way better."

"Oh."

Josh-chan appeared to be in a state of bliss as he realized which Eva he would become. "Evan..." He said almost in tears. "This is the first nice thing you've done since we got here."

Evan frowned. "I know, don't tell anyone." He then invoked the spell that would transform them into their Eva counter parts.

***********

In the Eva universe. Shinji took aim at the large spherical angel in front of him, he pressed the trigger but for some reason got no response. Then Eva unit 01 disappeared and he fell forty stories to his lovely splattering death, then the angel destroyed the town and freed Lilith as unit's 00, 02, and 03 also disappeared, dropping their pilots down forty or so stories.

***********

Josh smiled as he, Josh, and Evan all grew to be around forty stories tall. Josh frowned as he noticed Eva's unit 00 sitting a ways away doing nothing. "What was the point of summoning that one if there's nobody to pilot it?" He asked over the radio link to Evan.

"I figured since I let Godzilla loose somebody might need an Eva to kick it's ass. Maybe you could give it to Kasumi? It could be a vent for her uncanny desire to kill and burn. But anyway, we have a giant Pant Man to kill and there are no Power Rangers to stop him!! WE MUST BE THOSE POWER RANGERS!!!"

Josh-san looked around, then looked at his now massive hands. "Hey Evan? Are we piloting these sweet mechs, or are we the mechs?"

Evan smiled, unit 01's mouth restraint breaking allowing the monstrous thing to smile along with him. "We are the mechs, and the radio is implanted in our brains when we become them. That way we can communicate easier. Now then, lets rip Pant Man a new ass!!" Unit 01 lunged forward, taking out his short blade and stabbing at Pant Man while 02 pulled out the katana type sword and followed suit, leaving 03 behind as Josh-san had no idea about the capabilities of the Eva.

(Josh Devan will be forced to watch the copy of Evangelion: Death and Rebirth as soon as humanly possible, and I'm going to steal Josh-chan's borrowed copy of End of Evangelion.)

Pant Man screamed in rage and the three Eva's flew backwards. "YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME!!!" He screamed before pulling out a few pairs of Blue jeans out and wrapping them around each other. "JEAN MACHINE GUN!!"

Josh frowned as he dodged around the bullets and got hit by a few. "Aaah Damn it!! This guy is too powerful!!!"

Evan frowned and prepared to move in with a vibro knife. "He wasn't as hard to beat last time!! AAAGH!!" He then got blown over by a Tighty Whity Twister from pant man.

Josh-san looked over his new body and noticed a pistol and a knife like thing. He pulled out the pistol and shot blindly at Pant Man, merely getting his attention. Evan pushed himself off the ground and shot a quick look at Josh-san. *Oh fuck! This is Josh's first real fight! I'm gonna have to save him!! DAMN IT!!" Evan lunged at Pant Man again, getting in a few quick slashes before Pant Man turned on him and sent him flying with another tighty whitey twister. *He's not even calling out his attack names as often. And man I hate that tighty whitey attack!"

Josh paused as he tried to get unit two up. "Damn pain receptors. Waitaminute." Josh then turned around to look at Unit 00 which was moving, and it's eye was glowing red. "Evan, something's wrong here." Josh stated over the link.

Evan turned around and noticed unit 00 moving supposedly by it's own will. "This is...unexpected."

Pant man smirked and got into a very homosexual fighting pose. "Another one eh? No problem! My pant sheild could withstand a hundred of you!" He said.

Just then a new voice came threw the link. "I saw the news and thought that you guys could use some help." Came the very female and kind voice.

"Kasumi?" Evan and Josh said at the same time.

"What the hell!?! How did she activate Unit 00 without me knowing? And why is her symbiote spreading over the frame..."

Unit 00 let out an angry roar and lunged at Pant Man, symbiotic claws forming on the already powerful hands. Kasumi ripped into the surprised villain with remarkable ease, her blade like finger tips running through the re-enforced pants like air. Massive spouts of blood sprayed from the super villain, covering Tokyo in a fine layer of hemoglobin and red blood cells.

Evan looked away. "Oh, that is brutal! I though you said your killing days were over Kasumi."

Kasumi's eerily cheery voice rang over the radio, "Well, desperate times call for desperate measures."

Evan smirk despite himself. "Yeah, but with great power comes great responsibility."

Kasumi sunk her claws into the over killed villain and tore out his heart. "True."

"YOUR WIFE IS A FREAK!!!" Evan screamed.

Unit 03 clutched it's stomach and turned away. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS!! MAKE HER STOP!!!"

Unit 02 walked up behind Kasumi and pulled her away from the corpse. "You can stop now, he is really, really dead."

"BRAINS!!!" She quickly yelled. Josh backed off a little.

"Okay!" Kasumi dropped the oversized corpse and then it shrunk back to it's original form. The three Evas then turned back into their original forms. Evan looked at his watch and smiled. "Well. It looks about time to move on to the next universe." He said. Spells just about to wear off.

Kasumi smiled and kissed Josh. "Bye sweety." She said before he, Evan and The new recruit, Josh Devan, disappeared.

****************

Josh smiled as they appeared on Eli Damaskinos balcony at dawn. Him Evan, and Josh D all smiled as they looked at the sunrise. "Nice." Josh said.

"Very." Josh D seconded.

"I haven't seen one of these for a while." Evan said. "And check out these sweet armbands that are fused to our skin!"

Josh and Josh smiled and they both held out their arms. "Sw33t!"

Josh then turned around. "Hey Blade, byt Nyssa." He then turned back. "That is a nice sunrise!"

Blade then stood up as the ashes of Nyssa drifted into the wind.

Evan looked around and noticed that Blade appeared to be in some sort of pain. "Hey Blade, what's new?"

Blade glared at the ex-vampire. "Go away. Your purpose is served here. Leave me."

Evan frown. "Rough morning? You need some Java!" Evan summoned a cup of coffee and handed it to the dhampir, who refused it and attempted a dramatic exit, walking away with the sunrise outlining him. Evan frowned and beaned him with the cup.

Blade spun and growled at Evan, baring his teeth. Evan smiled and mentally activated his armbands, transforming into a roaring Eva Unit 02. Blade looked up with surprise and fear. "Oh shit."

Evan smiled down on the dhampir. "Squeesh?"

Josh-chan shook his head. "Oh god."

Josh-san was still recovering from the mental trauma he had received after Kasumi gorged herself on Pant Man.

An audible squeesh was heard just as the portal to the next world opened. Evan turned back to his normal form and stepped through. Josh and Josh followed.

**************

author's notes: {Well we brought in a new character... maybe we'll have a poll on whether or not he exists. Who knows. I'm gonna end it by saying. My girlfriend has agreed to bake me a pie soon... how cool is that? Eh? Eh?}

(Yes pie is good. YOU CHAUVINISTIC BASTARD!!! Oh irony. Anywho, do I exist? Or am I an apple? The choice is yours for reasons beyond my control... perhaps I should speak like a mindless drone which inhabits Josh's brain and eats stuff... Yeah, well when I was going out with Josh's current girlfriend she made me cake. Not as good admittedly, but still it wasn't me in the kitchen. Anyway, my current girlfriend lives too far away to bake pie... but Fed-ex works wonders these days. Or I could go brown... Ah commercial nihilisms how I love thee.)

[(This would be Josh-san's thoughts, but I'm sure he doesn't have any since he is a figment of our imagination... or is it just Josh's Imagination because I can't possibly exist.) {They're both real... don't listen to them.} (HE IS MAKING ME UP!!! I'M NOT REAL!!! DAMN IT WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE THE SHADE OF JOSH'S IMAGINATION!!!!) {Damn it shut the fuck up.} (Maybe if you take an aspirin the headache known as Evan the imaginary writer will disappear... Oh self conflict. If I don't exist he is fighting with himself... and losing!!!)]

{Yes readers... he really is this dumb}

Morden Night: mordennight@hotmail.com

http://mordennight.tripod.com

Agasaki Ishano: evanthewanderer@hotmail.com

http://N/A

Josh Devan: seifer2@hotmail.com {Or is it?}

Http://N/A

(Am I really this dumb? Or is Josh!?!?)

{ The author's notes are done! Shut the fuck up!}

TBC

{Next time} Our hero's journey into another universe!!!!!