Self Insertion

Chapter 23

Welcome, Young Elf, To Middle Earth.

Josh, JD, Kasumi, and Evan landed in a shady well wooded area in the next dimension. Evan immediately dropped to the ground convulsing his flesh began to peel off of his body, and he bled profusely. Josh, and JD watched in horror as this happened. It was truly gruesome. Kasumi was looking the other way so that she would not have to see the horrible scene. Josh and JD stepped back as Evan's body stopped and all that was left was an adamantium skeleton. Kasumi lurched forward and threw up on the ground.

Josh frowned and knelt down in front of her JD just stood where he was, looking at the adamantium corpse. "Hey... It's all right. I'm sure that's not the last we'll see of him. Evan seems to be able to find a way to survive.

"It's just..." Kasumi started. "He was your friend... and in a way... mine too."

Josh hugged her and then they pulled back and kissed. Kasumi's eyes suddenly flared open and she tried to shove Josh violently backwards. Josh, due to his massive strength, didn't budge and Kasumi was, in turn, sent flying backwards, landing on her behind. Josh was notably surprised, and this event in turn took JD out of his shock enough to look over at the wife of his best friend who was suddenly acting very weird.

"WHY THE HELL WERE YOU KISSING ME!?!?!" Kasumi screamed.

"Kasumi?" Josh asked confused. "What's going on? I thought... what's going on?"

JD poked her with his wing... "Yeah she's real." He said.

Kasumi jumped up and uppercut JD due to the fact that he poked her in her special chest area. "FUCK OFF! I AIN'T GAY!!"

Josh stepped forward and grabbed Kasumi's shoulders. "Kasumi, why are you acting like this all of a sudden? You don't have the symbiote anymore... this isn't you, it's more like... like..."

"Like Evan? CAUSE THAT'S WHO I AM FUCKFACE!!!"

"Evan?" JD said as Josh just stared in a stupified shock. "I thought you just died."

"YEAH WELL SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMAR ASS HAND!!" Evan/Kasumi then mimicked his last insult by making a gesture to signify a hand coming out of her ass.

Josh frowned slightly... he then became infuriated and powered up to Super Saiyan level 5. His eyes became red as he powered up to a level of power that just shouldn't exist. "GET OUT OF MY WIFE!!!!" He screamed infuriated at his best friends intrusion of his beloved's body.

Kasumi waved her hands in front of her to difuse the situation, then thought better of it and gave Josh the finger. "Fuck you. I don't want to be in this body any more than you want me to be in... sides, you can't hurt me without hurting or killing your wife... I can easily push her soul into the 'foreground' of the body to take anything you throw at me. And I know you won't let JD do anything to me in this form either... Fuckface.... Whoa, that sounds weird coming from Kasumi's mouth... Anywho, let's find me a cool body so I can give you back your wife. And don't even think of trying to knock me up or I'll personally remove your balls!!... ugh, she has a lot of estrogen... it feels weird. Especially that whole no slong thing..." Kasumi said as she sat down on a nearby rock. "Anybody know where the hell we are. I lost my pocket universe when normal me died."

Josh looked around. "Um... it looks like a normal forest... nothing that would point out any anime or movie... I don't think there is any comic related stuff around here either."

JD nodded, confirming Josh's thoughts. "I suppose I could fly around and look for something... And you guys could attempt to figure something out about the whole wife thing." JD didn't wait for an answer, he was too anxious to get the _hell_ out of there. *That is some creepy ass shit!* He thought as he flew around aimlessly.

Kasumi smiled a very Evan-like smile. This unnerved Josh who had powered down, back to normal. "Evan. Why did you pick Kasumi? Why didn't you invade JD's body?"

Kasumi's smile grew. "Because she has no defense against me. Unbeknownst to you, you have a minor magical resistance that I foolishly placed there, JD has the same deal as you. I could have wandered around as a spirt, but I chose to take on a physical form. Kasumi's was the nearest available so my spell auto-selected her. Like I said, sorry about this, but it was the only way with out traveling for some undefined distance as a soul. That would involve work... but like I said, find me a cool body and you get your wife back... till then I'll do really crazy things as Kasumi... like lesbionic sex!!!"

Josh frowned. "No you won't, because I will kill you the moment you get a new body if you do."

Evan frowned. "DAMN!!!"

Josh grabbed the frown Of Kasumi's shirt and shook her a little, knowing damn well that it was still Evan. "Put Kasumi to the front now." He said. Kasumi shrugged.

"Josh?" She asked.

"Kasumi?" Josh asked. "Is that really you or is it still Evan?"

Kasumi smiled her # 26. "It's me sweety." she said caressing his face. She then made a surprised look. "I sure learned a lot in the last minute. Who knew that I could do all that?" Her expression then changed completely and she stepped back. "I'M HUNGRY!!"

"Stop it Evan."

"Yes please." Kasumi repeated. "That does get woozy, when you take over like that." Evan took over again. "Yeah so?" He then gave it back to Kasumi. She held her head. "Woah."

"Hey Evan." Josh said. "I'm pretty sure that since you're sharing the same body you could probably communicate just by thinking to each other." He suggested.

Kasumi went cross eyed. "I guess that could work." Kasumi then began to think. *Hey Evan? Do you copy?*

Evan in the mind of Kasumi replied. *Ten four best friend's wife.*

Kasumi smiled at Josh. "Yup it works."

It then began to rain. Josh frowned. "Ah crap! We better find a place to rest soon." She said, the curse changing his sex from male to female. JD then landed back down in the clearing. "Hey guys... There's a little town nearby. Everyone speaks English so there won't be any trouble."

"But we're poor." Kasumi said innocently.

Josh smiled. "But I'm nigh invulnerable."

Evan took over. "Don't even attempt to be the tick. But anyway, I have an easier way. We find out which universe this is in and I create a bitch load of their money via magic. No fighting involved and we can simply go on our way."

Josh nodded. "Reasonable... actually, that is the first non-violent suggestion I've heard from you!"

Evan stopped in Kasumi's tracks. "Woah... you're right... we'd better do plan A."

Josh rolled her eyes.

Kasumi took over. "That's not very nice Josh, I think we should pick pocket...just a little of course... then we can duplicate it through our magical skills and create the proper amount to stay at an inn."

Evan took over again. "Shut up ho!!! It is _NOT_ Your magical powers!! MINE!!! BITCH!!!!"

"HEY!!" Josh said, pointing at Kasumi's face. "Don't Talk about... you... that way..." Josh then thrust her pointed finger forward again in a weak attempt to seem angry again.

"Aww, can't stay mad at me snoochie?" Evan asked through a stupid sounding version of Kasumi's voice.

Kasumi took over. "Actually... they are my powers too. The moment you entered my body I learned everything you know."

Evan took over. "Actually If you can use your new 'magical powers' to sense that lovely default spell I cast upon entering your body, you will not remember anything from this little 'experience'."

Kasumi frowned... "That doesn't make any sense."

Evan again. "Yeah whatever... Speaking of whatever where'd my mutant power!?!?" He said glaring at Josh.

Josh frowned. "Why should I give it to you? You took over my wife's body!"

Kasumi took control of her body and moved in closer to Josh. "Sweety it's only fair... You did say you would once we got here... He's your best friend."

Joshes frown weakened. "Yeah! Well... I don't WANNA!!"

Kasumi traced her finger on Joshes chest, which was female at the moment, and pouted. "Pwease shnoockums?" She asked.

Joshes frown turned into a smile, "Oh all right." She then pulled out the needle holding the latent mutant gene and handed it to her.

Kasumi injected herself and her eyes flickered to black for a quick second as Evan set to work duplicating and attaching it to every cell in her body. Once her eyes turned back to normal she smiled, Evan currently in control. "It's done... But I still don't know what the hell it is... Time for a test run!"

Kasumi Evan shot her arms forward... and nothing happened. Evan looked down at herself and grabbed her chest. "SWEET! I GREW BOOBS!!"

Kasumi then took control. "AAAH!! STOP THAT!" She then slapped herself, Evan's consciousness receiving the feelings of pain. Evan took control and then crossed her arms as they continued to walk towards the town at which they were to stay at during their stay at this universe.

"Hey Evan?" Josh asked his wife possessor. "Why don't we slide until we find a recognizable body you can abduct?"

Evan frowned. "I predicted all this would happen once I realized we'd gone to the Matrix. "However the next time we slide, the body I'm inhabiting will become mine permanently and the previous consciousness inhabiting it will die immediately. Therefore we have to find a good body before we slide."

"Oh."

"There it is." JD said, pointing to the town that was just up ahead. "There's an inn in the middle of town."

Josh nodded to his friend in thanks.

"Oh by the way." Evan said in Kasumi's body. "I no longer have a sliding device."

Everyone stopped in their tracks and glared at Her. "WHAT!?" Josh and JD growled. Kasumi saying the same thing inside her head to the boy.

Evan put up Kasumi's hands and smiled nervously. "Now hold on a sec! All I gotta do is find some metal parts and materials then I could create... Oh wait never mind I can just summon one." She did so and smiled. Josh and JD sighed in relief. Evan looked at the hand held device and frowned. "AH CRAP!!"

"WHAT!?" Josh said. "What's wrong!?"

Evan held up the sliding device. "The new ones timed, we have to wait until specified times before sliding again."

"Oh this sucks a lot!" JD said. "How long are we going to have to stay in this one?"

Evan showed them the timer. The blue timer numbers read 0y 4m 21d. "Four months and 21 days eh?" Josh said, reading the thing out loud while stroking his goatee. "That sucks..."

"Hey." Evan in Kasumi's body said. "It's better than some of the other times."

"True." Josh said. "Now lets get out of this rain... I'm cold."

******************

The three weary travelers entered an inn soon after. "How are we going to get this room again?" Josh asked The Evan possessed Kasumi.

Kasumi smiled evilly. "I'll work on the guy who runs the place... I have to test something in this body..."

Josh frowned. "NO SEXING MY WIFE WITH OTHER MEN EVAN!!!"

Kasumi smiled. "Ok... *cough*"

Josh frowned bigger. "WHAT WAS THAT COUGH FOR!?!"

Kasumi shrugged and went to the front and started to seduce the manager of the Sucking Fish Inn. Within minutes Kasumi/Evan had the manager in a back room. Josh glared at the door that Kasumi had entered until there was a loud scream of what seemed to be excruciating pain. Evan walked out, looking like he did in his old body. "Hey Josh. Where'd Kasumi go?"

Josh frowned and glared at the supposedly dead Evan. "I don't know Evan." He growled. "Where'd Kasumi go?"

Evan shrugged. "Oh and we have a room... and the manager has no nuts... See Kasumi has this ability to transform by summoning a form from a shadow rift in her consciousness. Anything We can imagine we can become. I became a big naked man orc and hoofed the manager in da NUUTS!!!"

Josh grimaced as Evan said nuts and looked away. "That is truly disturbing Evan."

Kasumi took over the body for a moment and turned back into her normal body. "That wasn't very nice of Evan." She said. "But at least we'll have a room so we could get all cozy." She said, the last part she stood close to Josh and twirled her finger in her husband's currently female chest.

Took over suddenly and moved away quickly. "I made sure that we all got separate beds. You are NOT going to do that while I'M in this body with you." Evan then shuddered. "Eeew."

JD shrugged. "Well we might as well go up to our room now. We're going to need some rest so we can travel around and find out what world we're on."

Josh smiled at JD. "I see you're getting used to this universal and Dimensional travel eh?" He said to his friend.

JD shrugged. "I'm tired."

Josh shrugged and she and JD went up for some rest. Evan took over Kasumi's body and stayed downstairs in the bar area. Since the bartender was unconscious due to a good nut hoofing she just went behind the bar and served herself... an entire keg. She began to chug and after one pint she passed out. Josh came down a moment later and noticed Kasumi passed out on top of a keg.

"Damn it Evan!" She said. "Kasumi doesn't have as much tolerance to alcohol as you!!"

Kasumi's consciousness came to the forefront and slurred. "I'm don't like thish juicsh. It'sh iggy!"

Josh sighed and carried his wife up to their room. "No more booze in my wife's body Evan."

************

JD woke up the next morning and yawned as he stretched, his winged unfolding to full length. *Maybe I should test these out inside.* he wondered as he watched his wings knock a bunch of vases off of shelves and such. JD got up and left the room, Josh was already up and downstairs eating breakfast.

Josh smiled as he watched JD fly down the stairs and across the room in the bar. "Looks like you're getting the hang of flying inside eh?" JD then flew into a wall.

"TEST RUN!!!" JD paused for a second and rubbed his head. "Boh Gob that hurt."

Kasumi smiled groggily when she woke up. "Whoa... what kind of Juice was that? I feel like hell!" Evan's consciousness took control and Kasumi turned into a shadow being then took the shape of Evan. "Alcohol is good! IT'S DRINKING TIME!!!" Evan rushed downstairs where Josh caught him in his arms and stopped him in his tracks. Kasumi's face appeared on Josh's body and smiled. "Morning honey. Evan wants to get drunk... Can you stop him?"

Josh nodded and Evan's face re-emerged. "NO JOSH!!! YOU COULDN'T!!!" Josh nodded again and smiled.

"No beer for Evan."

"No... beer..." Evan said, sounding shocked.

"That's right Evan, no beer for you. But JD can have beer, and everyone else can have beer, but you sure as hell can't."

A single tear started to drop from Evan's left eye. "No... beer..."

Josh nodded in satisfaction and went over to JD who was now drunk out of his mind while talking to a dwarf. "Sho whear, like, from anoother mention n all. Sho we're needing to know whar t goo."

The dwarf seemed to under stand exactly what the winged boy was saying. "Ayy! You should come with me to the great underground city of MORIA!!! Tis a grand place and I could be yu'ur guide!" He said.

"Moria eh?" Josh said. "So we're in The Lord of the Rings universe... I'm not surprised!" Josh then sighed as he saw Evan, trying to order a beer at the counter without his knowledge. "Shit!" Josh then stood up and pat JD on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go stop my wife from drinking... don't do anything stupid." Josh then left for the front counter.

JD smiled drunkenly and then gave a thumbs up to the dwarf. "Yeah! Sho I's gonna guessin tat we needing your helpin." He said before passing out and smacking his head off of the table he was at.

The dwarf didn't noticed and raised his glass into the air. "AY THEN!! Off we four go on our journey to the great mines of MORIA!!!"

"Why does he keep screaming that one word?" Kasumi wondered as she took control of her own body again.

Josh frowned. "JD just did something stupid."

*****************

Josh frowned as he glared at the mysterious dwarf who had later on been revealed to be named Falin. The dwarf was very annoying. He was constantly screaming Moria, was a slob, and never showered. The four and a half people were currently sitting around a campfire while Falin laughed boisterously, and drank continually as he told his story, which was the exact same story he'd been telling them for the past week of their journey. "... and then I STRUCK GOLD!!!"

Josh growled. "ALL RIGHT!! We've heard enough! That's the same story you've been telling for the last week! Don't you have anything else to talk about!?!?" He said.

Falin looked about nervously as they all looked at him and then screamed. "MORIA!!!!!"

"How far are we from Moria anyway?" Kasumi asked.

Falin smiled. "It's only about a day's walk in this direction." He said, pointing in a random direction, then changing his mind and pointing to another.

"Are you sure you know where we're going?" a now sober JD asked.

"MORIA!!"

"God DAMN IT WILL YOU STOP THAT!!" Josh screamed at the dwarf. "I don't even know WHY we're following you! What the hell's so damn great about Moria anyway!?!" He asked as he stood up from the ground.

Falin smiled and a little twinkle in his eye formed before he too stood up. "You wish to know what be so great about Moria?" he asked seeming sober for a moment.{Oh he wasn't} "I will tell you."

{Insert dwarven drinking song here.}

All of a sudden six more dwarves popped out of the bushes and lined up on either side of Falin in a triangular pattern in the small clearing that they were camping out in. They began to walk in a synchronized beat towards the Josh and the others as a little tune came out of nowhere as though it was a musical. "Ohhhh shit! This can NOT be good!" Josh said as he stepped back to where Kasumi and JD were sitting. Kasumi smiled as she waved her index fingers back and forth and hummed with the tune that was emanating from nowhere.

The dwarves began to sing.

"WE ARE THE DWARVES FROM MORIA!" They all sang.

"MORIA!!"

"WORKIN IN THE MINES ALL DAY!!!"

"DAY!!"

AAAAND WHEN WE'RE TIRED OF WORKIN"

"TIRED!!!"

"WE DRINK AN ALE OR TEN FOR PLAY!!"

"HEY!!!"

"What the hell is this shit!?" Josh wondered as he watched the dwarves chug down beer while jumping around and frolicking.

"I think it's cute!" Kasumi said.

"I THINK THEY SHOULD BURN!!!" Evan said, taking over Kasumi' for a sec. Kasumi took over again and began to whistle with the tune.

The dwarves continued.

***

"WHEN WE SEE A MONSTER IT'S PROBABLY CAUSE WE'RE DRUNK"

"WHEN WE SEE A PRETTY LASS SHE'S PROBABLY NOT PRETTY!"

"AND WHEN WE SEE SOME GOLD IT'S PROBABLY JUST A ROCK!!"

"CAUSE WE'RE SO FUCKIN _DRUNK_!!"

***

"WE'RE DRINKIN IN THE MORNING!!"

"DRINKIN IN THE NIGHT!!"

"DRINKIN WHILE WE'RE SLEEPING!!"

"AND DRINKIN WHEN WE'RE BORN!!"

pause...

***

"WE'RE DRINKIN WHEN WERE DIEING!!"

"WE'RE DRINKING IN THE MIDDLE OF INTERCOURSE!!"

"AAAAND WE'RE DRINKIN WHEN WE'RE READIN ELVISH PORN!!"

The dwarves stopped for a moment and all was quiet except for the sounds of nature. Josh sighed. "Thank god that's over."

They began to sing again.

"AAAAAAANNNNND!!"

JD nearly facefaulted. "Oooooohh fucky doo!!"

***

"WHEN WE'RE WORKING IN THE MIIIINES!!"

"WE ARE DRINKIN LOTS OF ALE!!"

"WE DON'T GET A LOT OF WORK DONE!!"

"WE'RE DRUNK WHILE WE'RE SINGIN THIS SONG!!"

***

"WE'RE DRINKIN WHEN WE'RE DRUNK!!"

"AND WE'RE DRUNK WHILE WE'RE DRINKIN!!"

"WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREATH!!"

"WHEN WE'RE NOT DRUNK!!"

***

WE DRINK WHILE WE'RE WALKIN

AND WE DRINK WHILE WE SIT

AND WE DRINK WHILE WE'RE DRINKIN OUR DRINKS!!

HUZZAH!!!

The dwarves then trailed off as they just repeated the word drunk over and over again. Once the dwarves had finished fading out, the six dwarves that appeared out of nowhere disappeared in puffs of smoke. "So now you see what be so great about MORIA!!!"

Josh glared at the dwarf. "No I don't all you did was sing about how much you get drunk!"

"MORIA!!!" screamed Falin for no reason.

Josh sighed. "Let's got to bed guys... if this dipshit's leading us in the right direction then we should be in Moria sometime tomorrow." Josh then curled up in his sleeping bag and prepared to sleep.

"Hmmm hmmm hm hm hmmm."

"Stop humming Evan."

"Sorry it grows on you."

*****************

The next week, after much random wandering... and drinking Falin stopped. "MORIA!!!"

Evan, who had taken control of Kasumi for the moment pondered. "But we are in a forest... with an Elvish settlement nearby... and not a mountain... DAMN IT!! THIS DRUNKEN BASTARD BROUGHT US TO RIVENDELL!!!"

Falin was not listening... his ears clogged with beer bottles as he attempted to get seriously brain drunk. "This be the grand city of MORIA!!!! LOOK AT THE MINES!!! AND ALL OF THOSE DWARVES!!!"

Josh pondered. "But their elves..."

"MORIA!!!!"

Evan slapped the drunken bastard and let Josh respond verbally. "YOU FUCKING DRUNK ASS FUCKER!!! FUCKER!!!! YOU ARE AN INCOMPETENT FUCKING GUIDE WHO IS ALWAYS DRUNK!!!"

"And?" Falin asked. "Come, let us speak with the fine people of Moria. There is much you can learn about stringing long curse words together from my people."

Evan looked around and spotted a random elf. "Hey Josh, you can have your wife back. I'm going to go kill that elf and take his body."

Josh shrugged as he glared very evilly at Falin.

Evan's soul exited Kasumi's body and took a semi visible form. It approached the elf slowly, who turned and yelled. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF MORIA!?!"

"Oh, you are so dead." An eerie voice proclaimed as it summoned a soul realm chain saw and started to hack away at the elf's soul. The elf screamed in horror, but soon was silent. Evan's soul smiled at his friends and gave the body a quick kick, sending the tattered remains of the elf's soul flying into a tree... which it inhabited... sending the tree's soul flying and into a deer... sending the deer's soul flying... and entering a random fuzzy animal's body... and so on and so on.

"I AM ALIVE!!!" Evan paused for a second. "No to change this body so that it matched my old one." Evan frowned when nothing was happening. "DAMN IT!! YOUR WIFE HAS MY POWERS!!!GIVE THEM TO ME!!!" Evan screamed as he used a small amount of his magic to quickly alter his form, making him look much like Bilbo when he had been wanting the ring and then quickly changing back, noting the glare he had received from Josh. "I'm sorry."

Josh pondered. "Hmmm. It seems that since Kasumi's body is the one that the power was injected into she's the one that keeps the power."

JD smiled. "Thank god. Evan doesn't need any more powers."

"YES I DO!!!" Evan screamed. "I NEED THE POWER TO.... uhm...STUFF!!!"

Josh shrugged. "Oh well lets go into Rivendell and see if we can get some food and a place to rest. I'm tired of walking."

"YES!! ENTER MORIA!!!" Falin screamed. Evan, in his new body walked up behind Falin quietly (as all elves do), summoned a large two headed Orcish axe and slammed it through the stout man's body. Suddenly, banners and fireworks started going off and a small parade was lead outside, being headed up by Elrond.

The train stopped in front of the group. Elrond approached Evan. "Thank you my fellow elf, for ending the madness that the fiend of a Dwarf has brought upon our fair land."

Evan shrugged. "I did it for the good of the world."

Falin all of a sudden raised his hand into the air. "Mor...i" all of a sudden fifteen elvish warriors jumped on Falin and struck him repeatedly in the head with their weapons. He died this time.

"We were wondering if we could get some food..." Josh said to Elrond.

Elrond cupped his hand to his ear. "What's this? Some brutish language is being spoken in my presence! Please, fellow elf, please translate their crude message into Elvish so that I need not be troubled by such worthless creatures." The master Elf spoke in Elvish.

"What the hell did you just say?" Evan asked in plain english.

"I said..." Began Elrond in english.

"HEY!! He's speaking in the exact same language as ME DAMN IT!!! HOW THE HELL DO YOU UNDERSTAND HIM AND NOT ME!?!?!?!!?" Josh then added silently. "You fuckin dwarf dick."

Evan muttered a quick spell and summoned a book on Elvish/English translations and read it over quickly. Evan smiled and began speaking in Elvish. "I'm sorry about my brutish friends, they probably do not know who they are dealing with... though you can be a dwarf dick at times if you don't mind me saying so."

Elrond frowned. "I do indeed mind, but, being kind people we will give you our hospitality. But, you must pay for your own accommodations. Oh, and please, have your filthy friends washed before they appear in public."

Evan smiled. "I have just they way to earn money!"

****************

Later on in a inn in Rivendell. Josh JD and Kasumi were sitting around waiting for Evan in the lobby. "When's he going to get here with the money?" Kasumi asked as she shadow morphed her hand in and out of different forms trying to bide the time. Though they'd only been there for ten minutes.

"Yeah I'm hungry too." JD said.

Josh smiled. "Don't worry he generally manages to get the money needed when it really counts." he said. "All these elves are total dicks... Evan really fits in."

"Yeah."

"Oh yeah.

Just then Evan burst through the door of the inn and stood before the trio in a panicked state as though he had just seen a ghost. He was breathing heavily and he smelt like heavy dwarven alcohol.

"What's wrong Evan?" Kasumi asked, generally concerned for the man.

"Yeah man." JD added. "I've never seen you like this. You okay?"

Evan undid his pants and let them drop to the floor. Kasumi gasped and JD and Josh stared in shock. "Now you see?" Evan asked. "My source of income is gone!"

"It's..." Kasumi started.

"There's no..." JD continued.

Josh fell to the floor laughing. "BWA HA HAAA!!!!" This is TOO GOOD!!! HA HA HAAAA!!!"

Evan frowned and pulled up his pants. "It's not funny DAMN IT!!!" Evan looked at the floor. "How would you like it if you found out that the Elf who's body you stole was actually a transvestite!?" Evan sighed and wiped away a tear, "I'll have to find another source of income."

Josh frowned and stopped laughing "Are you going to curse the entire city and then offer the cure for a price?"

"Actually I was going to sell a version of crack... but that could work... or we could rape pillage and plunder." Evan suggested.

"Yeah, crack is bad..." JD mumbled.

Evan smiled and went up beside JD. "Here little boy, have a mystical sword... it won't turn you into a transvestite. I swear!"

JD edged away. "No thanks, I remember the curse of She-Man."

Evan frowned. "Hmm... maybe Elrond wants a sword..."

******************

"Ok Elrond, just chant this little mantra and you will have the power to defeat Sauron!!"

Elrond smiled. "Why thank you good elf. Your kindness is noted and your earlier intrusion is forgiven... though we will never truly accept your brutish friends."

Evan smiled. "Don't worry about it, they are all assholes anyway. But you just chant that mantra and then I'll be on my way to Galendrial, I have to give her a similar sword... as well as Gandolph, Aragon, Borimir, Faramir, Frodo, Sam, Pippen, Legolas, Radagast the Brown, Merry and every single man on this planet."

Elrond smiled. "You are a very kind fellow. But where do you keep these blades?"

Evan smiled broadly, his anime physics still in some semblance of an existence. "That! Is a secret!"

"Fair enough." Then Elrond chanted the mantra of She-Man, becoming the transvestite super hero thing.

***************

"Where do you think the fellowship is Evan?" Josh asked his elf friend.

Evan shrugged. "I think they're in Moria right now. We should go there so we could show them how much more ass we kick then they do."

"Sounds good." Josh said. "I taught JD and Kasumi how to fight a little while we were in elf central. Why did we have to stay there an entire week anyway?"

"Yes those elvish people were very rude." Kasumi added. "Mr. Falin was much more welcoming, it's really a shame you killed him."

Josh shrugged and powered up his aura. "Come on Kasumi, we're flying to Moria, this walking stuff takes too long."

Evan nodded and powered up his magic, allowing himself to float into the air. "Good idea. Josh can take Kasumi and I can use my magic to make JD fly at the same speed as us."

JD nodded. "Cool! I get to fly super speed now?"

"Yeah."

"SWEET!!"

Josh then shot forward towards Moria with Evan and JD in tow.

*****************

Author's notes: {Yeah Evan's Penis is now Gone. I'm the evillest evil person ever. Recently I was in the musical of Peter Pan... I was the first Pirate to die... that's cool. Anyway I gotta go to school shortly so here's Evan... we'll actually let JD write author's notes this time.}

(Yeah, I'm the scape goat. Anywho, it's not my fault we write elf cocks to be small, that's Josh's department, he loves the cock. Anywho, it's school time for Evan... oh, watch the anime called the Shinesmen. It kicks ass!)

[I thought this was an awsome chapter I liked the part where I got to swim in a big pool of pudding....no wait that was a dream i had 3 months ago, sorry. Anyways for christmas i want a CRAZY WILD ACTION BIKE! And evan to spit shine my car while wearing a thong.......wait that was another dream....odd...well anyways ima gonna go eat josh's leg...mmmmmmm leg :D]

{ow. Stop that.}