Self Insertion

Chapter 24

Workin The Mines

Evan fondled herself slightly before walking up to the rubble that was the doorway to Moria. "Looks like the fantastic nine beat us to it, and they busted up our door too!" She whined, which mind you she was getting quite good at.

"Yeah, oh well." Josh said as he gentily pushed everyone aside and flared his aura. "Rubble gonna die!" He fired a massive beam of chi into the pile of rubble, which, in a matter of seconds, disintegrated.

"I used to be able to do that." Evan mumbled, still sort of fondling herself.

Kasumi looked over at the new female. "Can you stop fondling yourself!?"

Evan looked innocent. "I can't help it. I have boobs." Her tone shifted into one more angry. "If you had wang you'd be doing the same thing... Chung." Evan then flipped her long locks back and smirked.

Kasumi shrugged. "You've got a point there."

JD eyed the two girls oddly. "Umm... let's just enter."

Evan smiled. "Just a minute, I've got some more fondling to do."

JD groaned and entered slightly hunched over, following Josh and Kasumi. Evan noted the hunching and shot a fireball at JD's ass, lighting it on fire. He screamed. He screamed real good. Evan laughed. Josh lit up a chi ball to light up the caverns as they walked through the mines. All of a sudden a small horde of Goblins appeared before them, apparently running for their lives. Josh unconsciously fried them all like KFC and turned to Evan. "They probably found the Balrog already."

"Good guessing... I'm hungry." was Evan's reply.

"Anyone else smell KFC?" JD queeried.

"I always wondered how they could make those mega value meals so cheap. Just kill a few Goblins and WHAMO! Instant Family Pack!... but what about those two bite brownies... eww." Evan said.

Josh nodded... "Right... How about I instant transmission us all two miles forward till we eventually see the fellowship?"

"Fellowship, smellowship. I need some chicks!" Evan said, his old sex drive apparently still in play. "Sides, give me a big rock and I'll tell ya where they are!" JD handed Evan a rock. "Thanks Angel-poo. I'll be back." Evan then ran away. Everyone else just waited untill they heard what seemed to be a cry of pain. A few minutes later Evan came back, riding a Nimbus. "I found em. Beaned the old guy with a rock 'fore he fell down this mother of a hole when this big firey guy chased oldy down. I doused the bastard with a couple thousand gallons of water till he died and then the old guy started coming to, so I bean him again. This time with a different rock. Then this elf guy shot at me with sticks and I beat him in the face with another rock. But this little guy with fancy pants armor disappeared so I cast a see invisable spell and snatched his ring while breaking all of his fingers and lighting his little knee caps on fire. His midget buddies came at me so I smacked them sons a bitches back into last Sunday... where they still reside... Then this human guy tried to hit me with this piece of metal, so I pulled out a BFG and blew his ass away. There was this other human guy, but he didn't want any trouble... so I broke his legs and surrounded him with scorpions." Evan said with a smile.

Josh looked at his estranged best friend shocked and disgusted. "EVAN!! YOU JUST BEAT UP, MAIMED AND KILLED THE VERY PEOPLE WE WERE LOOKING FOR!!!"

Evan smiled again. "But I got this sweet ring. Watch this." She put it on and dissapeared. "WHEE!! I'M UNVISABLE!!!" She screamed happily.. And in a very childish voice. She then reappeared. "So... umm... we were looking for these guys to beat them up right?"

Josh frowned and grabbed the ring from Evan. He then instant transmissioned by himself away from the others. He appeared flying over the center of mount doom and tossed the ring in, destroying it completely. He then instant transmissioned back.

Evan juggled a ring, the one ring to be exact. "I gotz a ring."

Kasumi slapped her. "That is not the one ring. It has flowers and happy faces on it."

Evan nodded. "It is the one ring to FOOL THEM ALL!!!!"

JD almost face faulted. "WHAT THE FUCK!!"

Josh then appeared out of nowhere. "There! I saved the world. Who wants beer? I'm sure that I can get a hefty reward for this." Josh then held up the head of Saruman and then lifted up the other hand to reveal Sauron's noggin.

"But wait! There is devilry about yet!! FOR I HAVE A FLOWERY RING!!! CAPTIAN PLANET EMERGE!!!" Evan smiled as nothing happened... and got slapped by Josh. "ABUSE!..... So where is this beer."

**************

Josh smiled as he woke up in a bed with Mila Jovovich. He smiled at her and kissed her on the lips. "This shape changing this of yours kicks ass Kasumi."

Kasumi looked confused. "Yeah, however this girl that you made me roleplay... looks an awful lot like the girl I killed... for kissing you."

"Actually she's an actress from my univese." Josh replied.

Kasumi frowned. "And why were you carrying a picture of her around with you?"

Josh was already out the door running.

Josh ran past Evan, travelling at a massive speed. "So she found the picture eh?" Josh stopped, turned around, nodded, turned back around, and started to run again. Kasumi followed suit, but while passing Evan turned into the Incredible HULK!!! Evan smiled and yelled out to Josh. "YOU SHOULDN'T LET HER READ COMICS!!!"

Before Josh was out of earshot he turned and screamed back. "IT'S YOUR FAULT!! YOU SUMMONED THEM!!!" Josh ran some more and then added. "DICK!!"

JD was at the bar. "I um Shooo wastered!!"

Evan walked up behind him. "You are learning well my son." She said in a sage like voice... before fondling herself. "I'll have a keg." The bartender smiled.

"What kind of keg?"

"A big one."

"How big?"

"Biggest ya got."

"What kinda beer?"

"I dunno... Elvish?"

"Don't got none. Wussy."

"Hmm... Orcish?"

"Nope... Suicidal maniac."

"Dwarven?"

"Nope... trying to drink yer self stupid?"

"Yes, gimme!!"

"I don't gots none."

"Human?"

"Nope."

"What the hell do you have!?!"

"Alls I gots is a box of one dozen starven, crazed, field mice."

"Ok, I'll take that."

"Your funeral."

"You had best believe... I'll ditch this body... yeah, chewed to death by field mice. A suiting death..."

"What are you mubling about?" The bartender asked.

"Nothing." Evan said. "Give me the mice."

*********

One hour later. Evan and the mice were sitting around the bar, all of them pasted and doped up on pipe weed. "I... luv... youse guysd!!!" Evan said in very drunken tone. "If I wasddd... a feld moose... I be lick a dooder to allo youse many menssssssssss......." Evan then passed out a crushed the feild mice.

*********

Evan woke up four months later. "What the hell... where did my feild mice go?"

Josh, Kasumi, and JD were all standing overtop of him with concerned looks on all their faces. "Are you okay?" Josh asked, he was currently in his female form.

"Was there something I missed... like the slaughtering of my bestest best feild mice friends?" Evan resonded. He then lifted his hand up and grabbed Josh's boob. "Where's our reward?"

Josh growled and punched him. She then stood up. "We spent it."

"You spent it? When? We just got here." Evan said.

"No... you see, you've been out for three months or so... and you killed your feild mice." JD said.

"Was it out of nesscesity? I mean, did I eat them... like that movie with the soccer team?" Evan asked.

JD shrugged. "What movie? And no... you didn't eat them. You just... kinda... fell on them."

"Wait. You don't know the movie with the soccer team? It's got... Mary Kate and Ashley... and um... Nicolas Cage... and John Travolta... and their faces move... and then a cheap hooker buys a nuclear warhead and then Stuart Little kicks her ass... and then Arnold Swartsajigger... he did this thing... with this other thing and it was cool... just like the time I sat on a tack....." Evan trailed off... slightly.

Josh frowned. "I hope we don'y go to that universe."

"Huh?" JD inquired.

Josh smiled. "I figured out a pattern to our dimension hopping."

"Really?" Kasumi asked.

"Yeah." Josh continued. "The timer slash spell is taking universe ideas from our heads of movies and T.V. shows that we've seen and sending us there."

"Yeah hey that makes sense." Evan said. The timer in her pocket then began to beep. "I guess we should go... and bocka boom!!!"

"What?" JD asked as Evan shoved him into the portal. "BOCKA BOOM!" Evan screamed as she jumped in afterwards. Kasumi and Josh ran in together.

*************

In another dimension the portal opened up and the group all fell forward landing on the alter dimensional soil. Josh looked around and there didn't seem to be anyone around. "Well I don't see anything around... let's look for civilization."

JD smiled. "I'll fly up and see if I can get a better vantage point."

"He knows what a vantage point is? Anyway, give me a big rock and about five minutes." Evan said, with a large grin.

Josh put a hand on Evan's very feminine shoulder. "Ahhh I think we'll try JD's idea." JD nodded and flew up into the air. Moments later a flying car came out of supposedly nowhere and shot him with some sort of tranquilizing lazer beam. It then flew away with JD towards a large futuristic city.

The other three didn't notice since they were playing D&D till he got back.

"The Gelatinous Cube eats you both and GOTORO WINS!!" He said throwing her fists into the air.

"You suck at Dming." Josh stated. Kasumi nodded in agreeence.

"I'd like to see you do better... side's you failed a spot check on my precious Gelatinous cubes... which were the death of you... leading to Gotoro's victory.... and Pie... always pie." Evan said, summoning a piece of Pudding Pie for herself and eating it before Josh could try anything.

Kasumi looked confused. "But who's Gotoro? You didn't mention him once?"

Evan blushed but before he could suport an alibi, Josh interupted. "Where's JD?"

Evan looked around. "I'm not telling."

Kasumi looked at Evan curiously. "You know where JD is?"

"I wasn't talking about Gotoro." Evan replied, turning his back on the couple and tracing circles in the sand.

Josh looked away towards the futuristic city which was blatantly obvious. "Maybe we should go to that ciy and find out what happened to him?"

Kasumi smiled. "That sounds like a good idea. That's probably why you were voted team leader."

"When did this happen?!?!?!?" Evan asked, jelously.

"TO THE CITY!!!" Josh said, pointing towards the oversized city that was obviously there the whole time, past the forest that they were in.

"But Gotoro wants to have a picnic..." Evan whimpered. "I want to have a picnic with Gotoro."

Josh sweat dropped. "What the hell is a Gotoro?"

"Nothing..." Evan said, her head hung and blushing.

Josh and Kasumi looked at each other oddly. "Perhaps she met this 'Gotoro' while she was passed out for three and a bit months."

"DID NOT!!!" Evan screamed.

The trio left towards the city, Evan arguing with 'Gotoro' for the rest of the way.

************

Later on Josh, Kasumi, and Evan were walking through the city which happened to be New York in the future. "This is wierd!" Josh stated.

"I'll say!" Evan said. "I can't find any alcohol anywhere!"

Josh frowned. "Uuh that's not exactly what I meant." She said. "Look around. There's not a single male anywhere. Everywhere we've gone; the juice bars, the hotels, the restaurants... they're all women!"

Kasumi nodded and looked around for herself. "Now that you think of it you're right."

"The only thing that pisses me off about the whole situation is that this current dimension proves my theory wrong." Josh stated with an upset look.

"Yeah... I told you so." Evan stated.

Josh frowned. "No you didn't. You we're just mumbling about field mice. The thing is... None of us have ever seen a show or movie anything like this universe."

Kasumi nodded. "That's true... neither have I."

Josh smiled. "Well we should probably start looking for JD." Josh then walked up to a police officer. "Excuse me Ma'am?" She started.

The officer turned towards her with a smile. "What can I do for yah cutie?"

Josh smiled nervously as Kasumi frowned at the officer. "Yeah... uhm, I've been... sheltered my wentire life and don't ... quite know how the worl works. Why are there no men?"

The female police officer started to laugh histerically. "You've gotta be kidding me!! HA HA HAAA!!! Am I on candid camera or something!?! That's the funniest thing anyone's ever said to me!"

Josh laughed nervously. "Heh heh, yeah... candid camera... sure. Could you just humor me? We're doing a serious report for an essay we have to write."

The officer smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. "Sure, sure whatever. My shift is ending now anyway... How about I get you sweet deliciously beautiful girls some drinks, while I help you out?"

Josh smiled, pretending to be oblivious to the hit on all three of them. "Sure, we'd like that."

Kasumi was grinding her teeth. "My husband witch!" She muttered under her breath. Moments later the three of them all walked over to a nearby ice cream parlor.

**************

"... So all the men in the entire world were killed, everysingle one of them were arrested and shot in the back of the head."

Josh and Evan recoiled at that last statment. "Good lord!"

The police woman continued the history of their world. "Mmm hmm, We don't have to worry about anything anymore, it seems everything bad that ever happened was brought on by males. My jobs as easy as anything."

"What about procreation?" Josh wondered out loud. "Doesn't anybody have sex?"

The policewoman nodded. "All the time! Orgies are now a very common thing. Since there are no men women are all brought up attracted to other women."

Kasumi looked baffled. "But what about babies? What about having children? How do y... we reproduce?"

"Cloning." She stated simply, as though it was yester-millenium's news. "We use a complicated cloning procedure that mixes the genes of two people and automatically forces them to be double X chomosomes, thus we're all beautiful girls."

"This is so hot!" Evan stated as she recorded every word that the woman said on a handheld tape recorder that she'd summoned earlier. Josh punched her in the arm.

"Please continue."

The policewoman gave Evan a seductive look and then nodded and continued on. "A few men have popped up once in a while, there's colonies of underground men, but all of us women carry around firearms and when one of them is spotted we shoot them dead."

Josh and Evan recoiled. "That's awful!"

The policewoman put up her hands and shook her head. "I know, I know. It's an ugly job but we all have to contribute to keep our Utopia running smoothly."

Josh swallowed a lump in her throat. "So uh, what if there was some sort of deformity or random evolution in one of the males that resurface?"

"That rarely happens, but when it does the United Scientific Research Facility for Women's Dominance will capture and study them, you know, do tests and stuff. Then after they get bored or they learn something of value that can be used against all other males, they kill the specimen."

Josh nodded, finally getting some info that could help them in their search for JD. "So the U.S.R..F.W.D... where is it located?"

"It's in the exact center of New, New York City. Above it is the high council, they're the..." Josh decided to cut her off.

"Gotta go! Thanks for the drinks. This is enough info for our news report."

The police woman looked confused. "I thought you said it was an essay."

Josh, Evan and Kasumi froze in their mad rush to leave. "Yeah." Josh stuttered. "Essay. That's what I meant." The three of them then all left the ice cream parlor and began walking down the street at a fast pace.

"Damn it I forgot to ask! Evan!"

"Huh?" Evan queried.

"How much time do we have here in this universe!?" Josh continued.

Evan pulled out the timer from his pocket and pressed a few buttons. "We've only got two days!" She whined.

Josh smiled. "That's more than enough time to find JD and bust him out." She then looked confused. "Why did you sound so upset about it?" She pondered.

Evan wiped a tear from her eye. "Cause this is probably the only universe that I can whore myself off to willing participants and not feel disgusting."

"Huh?" Josh wondered.

"EVERYONE HERE'S A LESBIAN!!"

"Get over it Evan. Once we find a way to get you a normal male body you can whore yourself off as much as you want." Josh said.

Evan smiled. "Gotoro is happy!"

Josh sighed and they all went in search of the U.S.R..F.W.D.

******************

Josh looked amazed as she gazed upon the U.S.R..F.W.D. building. It was the biggest, and most technologically advanced building in the city, it was made completely of steel as all the other houses in the city now were. Apparently the women of this world had decided to make all buildings and houses out of stainless fireproof steel. There was lots of bright shiney lights and everything about the building was cool.

"Cool." Evan stated. "When do I get to cause damage?"

"You don't..." Josh said. "Or at least not until we've found JD and gotten out of this dimension. It's a constant threat to me and him."

Evan smiled. "So long as I can." Evan then held up a hand and powered up some magic. "How do we get in?"

Josh smiled. "Well we could just crash in there, kill absolutely everyone in the building, but... I think we should torture the women in that building. I don't particularly like them."

"Why?" Kasumi inquired.

Josh looked over att her wife as though she was retarded. "Because they kill men just for being men. I say we do this world a favor and recticy certain inequities."

"What?" Kasumi wondered. "Do you even know what you were just saying?"

"Haven't a clue."

"Hey Josh?" Evan asked. "Do you have some sort of idea as to how you want me to torture the ladies?" She inquired with an evil smile.

"Well..." Josh started. "You have this incredible knack for summoning Jusenkyo water. How about we turn the women here into the very creature that they hate."

"Spiders?"

Josh looked stupified. "What!? No! MEN!! Turn them all into men!"

"How about boys?" Kasumi offered.

Josh looked at her surprised. "My dear I'm impressed." Josh then turned back to Evan. "Okay do that."

Evan smiled and then in a moment summoned the water, the water covered every square inch of the building and then after about two or three seconds it all dissapeared. Josh smiled and the three of them walked towards the building to rescue their friend.

As they walked through there were several piles of clothes lying around with five year old boys tangled up in it. Evan picked one of them up and it started swearing repeatedly. "Awww." He then turned towards Josh. "Can I keep it? Josh just kept walking, not hearing his friend. Evan smiled at the little girl turned boy. "Off to the pocket dimension you go." The little boy then dissapeared into Evan's personal pocket universe and he continued on after his best friend and her wife.

A few moments later Josh walked over to a receptionist desk and hopped over it. She looked at the kid on the floor and ignored it as she began looking through the files on the highly advanced computer, which was still using Windows 95 for some reason. "Yeah... this is why women shouldn't rule te world." Evan said as she looked over Josh's shoulder. Kasumi then morphed her right arm into that of an Ogre's and punched Evan as hard as an Ogre could against a wall. Since it was stainless steel he didn't go through... it just hurt a lot and broke many bones. He healed using her magic moments later though.

Josh smiled as she easily scanned through the out of date software, finding the room that JD was in. "I found him. He's in some sort of Scientific research and investigations laboratory."

"Let's go!" Kasumi said, leading the way.

*************

JD groaned as he awoke again. He had been slipping in and out of consciousness several times due to the painful scientific research that the evil women were putting him through. JD shivered as he got up off of the cold hard metal surface. This surprised him a little and he snapped out of his stupor and began looking around. He was naked still, and the restraints that used to suspend him in the air were no longer doing their job. JD smiled and stepped forward to get out of there, however he lost his balance and fell over hard. It was about this time that he noticed that everything seemed a lot bigger.

JD started to crawl away from the research area and noticed some lab coats and female clothing, lying around. "What the?" He said, just then noticing that his voice had changed and his... Mr. Happy... was a LOT smaller. "AAAHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL!?! I'M A LITTLE KID!!"

Just then a pair of tiny arms grabbed him by the throat, then a naked baby boy ran towards him with a knife. "We cannot allow the intruder to ethcape!" The one grabbing his neck said.

"YOU MUTHT DIE!!!!" The other screamed as it ran awkwardly towards the winged five year old.

BOOT!! "AAAAH!!" CLANG!!

Josh smiled as he came just in time to kick the armed tyke into a support pillar. "Whew! Got here just in time! Now did anyone else just have a Child's Play flashback?"

JD just choked in reply.

"I GOT THIS ONE!!!" Evan said as she ran towards the five year old choking JD. She booted it as hard as she could in the face, and sent it flying into a futuristic electro magnetic generator. The little boy was mushed in frightful scene of gore and elecrtic waves as he broke the generator. "Oops."

Suddenly there was a huge explosion and and Electro Magnetic Pulse went off, putting all the technology in the city silent. "Oh shit!" Josh muttered. Evan pulled out the timer once the pulse was over. "Don't tell me you just broke the timer." Josh said with a sigh.

Evan held the time up so Josh and Kasumi could see it. It was flashing repeatedly and the numbers that appeared on the front of it were changing faster than the eyes could follow.

JD Started kicking Evan in the shins repeatedly. "You BASTARD!! This is probably all your fault!"

Evan shrugged and started for the door while she put away her timer. "Eh, probably." The other three just stared as she walked away.

"Sometimes I really hate her." Kasumi stated.

"You won't get over it." Josh said with a sullen expression on her face.

********************

Josh awoke with a yawn the next day. She scratched her ass, and then rolled out of bed, much like Kasumi had only an hour before. She walked into the bathroom where Kasumi was currently taking a shower. Hey Kas!?" Josh asked. "How long you gonna be?"

"Just a few more minutes!" Kasumi said, over the noise of the shower. "Want to join me?" She asked.

"Nah! I'm gonna play it safe and stay female until Evan's got the timer fixed."

"Okay."

Josh then left the bathroom, proud that she didn't let her libido get the better of her. She found Evan sitting naked on her bed fidgeting with a still flickering and flashing timer. "Hows it going with the timer?" Josh asked.

"Crappy. It's still screwed up!" Evan sighed and lay back on the bed. "I don't get it! Everything else in the city started working again twenty minutes after the EMP. The Timer wont stop."

Josh noded and sat down beside her. "Where's JD?"

Evan shrugged. "He wanted to go get something to eat."

"WHAT!?!"

Evan smiled. "Don't worry. "I gave him a image inducer kind of like off of X-Men, so that he looks like an average superbly hot 18 year old co-ed college student, female of course."

Josh sighed in relief. "Good."

"How'd he take the fact that you gave him a jusenkyo curse?" Josh asked.

Evan chuckled. "I told him that it's a good way to meet chicks and he took me at face value."

"Really?"

"No... I tried that but I was laughing too much so beat the living crap out of me. He's surprisingly strong." Evan replied with a chuckle.

"I have been teaching him and Kasumi martial arts remember?"

Evan frowned and sat up again. "Yeah and I hate you for it."

"Yeah well, JD doesn't really have a lot of powers or skills that'll help him survive our trip through th dimensions. He needs it." Josh rationalized.

"So what about Kasumi?"

Josh smiled. "Now she can beat you up expertly."

"I hate you."

"...and I'm lovin it."

Just then Kasumi walked out of the shower and sat on the bed with a sigh and a sad look on her face. Josh looked confused yet concerned and wrapped an arm around her. "Hey is something wrong?" She asked.

Kasumi nodded and sniffled a little. "I miss Mo-mo and Li-li." She said sadly as she drifted off into a blubbery crying mess.

Josh put her index finger under her bottom lip and had a far off look on her face. "Oh yeah! I forgot about them."

"WHAT!?!?"

"I'm gonna run away now." Evan said as she jumped out the window while casting a spell.

Josh was now fearful as an angry Kasumi stood atop of her with a very angry expression. "YOU FORGOT ALL ABOUT OUR OWN CHILDREN!!!?" She screamed.

Josh ducked as her wife threw a lamp at her, her spider sense warning her just in time. "Honey It's not what you think!" She said.

Screams of pain ensued from the hotel room.

**************

Later on Four women were walking down the street. Three of them were obviously Evan, Kasumi, and a beat up Josh. The other was completely unrecognizable and impossibly beautiful. {It's my girlfriend Amanda} She was about 5'5", with shoulder length blonde hair, and a beautiful, busty and curvacious figure. Josh was currently staring at the girl up and down as they all walked down the street. "DAMN!! That's JD's image induced form?"

Evan smiled as she watched her creation get wolf whistles and the such from most all of the females that they passed by. "What can I say? I'm an artist."

Josh just rolled her eyes. "You're a dick."

Evan frowned and faked crying. "You've hurt Gotoro's feelings!" She said.

"Oh shut up with that Gotoro crap Evan."

Evan shrinked back a little and covered her head when Evan looked at her. "Ehhh don't hurt me." She then frowned and added. "You should get back into the kitchen where women belong."

Luckilly for Evan Kasumi didn't hear.

********************

author's notes: {Eh. I just feel like ending it here. I felt like doing some stuff to JD. He needed more problems to fit in. The next few chapters will concentrate a little more on him and his development through the dimensions. Evan will become more chauvenistic towards women, even though he is one now, and I'll probably just get messed up. Kasumi's cool the way she is... anyway I saw the trailer for X-Men 2 yesterday and holy shit it kicked ass! Nightcrawler is the coolest thing I've seen in the longest time. This movies like the matrix of superheroes. It's going to be a great action movie, as well as special effects. Yeah 2003 is going to be awesome, Spider man 2, X-Men 2, Matrix 2 and 3, Daredevil, The Hulk, and there'll probably be lots of other cool movies contending with them. Yeah... well... Si rules tell all your friends.

BIG NEWS!!!! I may be changing my website layout in the future(not too near) It's going to have a main page with the option of going to the regular tripod page or the cool as hell flash page. I'm going to go all out and get as fancy as I possibly can, with some of my friend's help. And give me fanart. I want the fanart section to be the best part. All them pretty pictures. And besides, if you do really good work I may incorporate it into the opening title Flash page. Anyway that's enough from me... here's JD.}

(Screw JD. This is the Evan live and uncut! Word! Anywho, I have actually made my own website. I shall include the link... here! Http://ebanu0.tripod.com yeah... its decent. Um... its already got like six hits!! Man people love me!!... I updated six times... Im so lonely. Love me... anyone... *tear* *sniff* *urinate*... *other bodily function*... *more sniffs and tears and bodily functions*.... um... *tear*... yeah... *sniff*... *poonaner* *spread*. Um, yeah, I've been reading a lot of Resident Evil books by SD Perry. She is one amazing author...or is it authorette? Or could it be author who is not male? Or perhaps... ah screw it. They are good, read them... JD acts like Brad Vickers.)

{I love you guys.}

[This was a GREAT chapter, it really got to me. I really loved the part when Josh made out with a monkey.....READ TUP! Ps I AM NOT BRAD VICKERS! You flaming piece of shit cock fucker BARBRA STRIESAND!]