Self Insertion
Chapter 28
Back to the basics
Josh looked down at Sherry Birkin whose body was now inhabited by the spirit of Evan with shock and denial. “What did you just say?”
Sherry, now constantly waving her hands trying to conjure something, anything up and crying, repeated her previous statement. “I’ve got no powers anymore.”
JD looked a little confused. “What do you mean no powers?”
Sherry leapt forward and grabbed onto JD’s shorts angrily. “IT MEANS I’VE GOT NO MAGIC LEFT!!! I CAN’T CAST ANY SPELLS!! I CAN’T FIRE LIGHTNING!!! NOTHING!!! I’M JUST A WIMPY LITTLE GIRL!!!” she screamed at the rocky gargoyle with the feathery wings.
Josh smiled. “Well we still got me for protection. I’ve got my Spider powers and I probably still got Saiyan abilities. So despite my grotesque new appearance I’ll be able to keep us alive.”
JD frowned. “What about me? I’ve got stone skin and martial arts!”
Josh put a hand on JD’s shoulder. “Hey. You’re going to be a mother soon... that’s not a great condition to be fighting zombies in.” Josh then walked away and stood beside Kasumi.
JD frowned more and grumbled under his breath. “Mother my ass... stupid head.”
Kasumi looked up at Josh and looked a little downtrodden. “I can’t say I like the new look sweety.”She said, referring to her husband’s new grotesque Spider like appearance.
Josh shrugged. “You should try being in this body... having more than one set of eyes is so incredibly trippy.” He then looked over to Evan again. “How long do we have to wait on the timer?” He asked the small child.
Evan walked over to his previous body, which was the dead female elf, and started rifling through her clothes. She smiled as she came upon the timer and pulled it out. Sherry looked the small device over and frowned. “Let’s just say we’re here for a while.”
Josh Shrugged and began walking in the direction of Racoon city. “Where are you going?”Claire asked the large Spider person.
Josh looked back and smiled. “We are all going back to Racoon city to save it from being infested with zombies. That means you and Leon too.
Claire shook her head. “I’m sorry but I’ve got to find my brother Chris. That’s why I was even here in the first place.” She said sullenly. “I don’t have time to hunt zombies.”
Josh frowned. “Well one; Chris is currently hunting zombies, and two; You don’t have a choice. Same with you Leon.”
Sherry, JD and Kasumi all ran towards Josh and began to walk with him towards the city. Leon and Claire just stood there. Claire held out a hand to the retreating group. “Sherry! You’re not going with them are you?”
Sherry nodded. “Yes... I’d rather go kill some zombies than sit around, or play hide and go seek with my brother.” She then muttered under her breath. “You fuckin moron.”
Claire sighed and walked towards the group. Her mind more concerned with Sherry’s safety rather than her brothers. Chris could take care of himself, Sherry was just a little girl, and the spider man, and the gargoyle didn’t look all that trustworthy.
“Fine I’ll go with you.” she stated.
Josh smiled. “Now how about you Leon? You wanna be a hero or a wussy ass cop who couldn’t cut it?” Leon just sighed and walked towards the small group. “That’s what I thought.” Josh said with his weird Spidery smile.
***********************
Carlos frowned as he ran after Jill calling out her name trying to get her to stop running for a second so that they could talk for a few seconds. She had just encountered the huge beast that had been following her and decided against fighting the trench coat clad monstrosity. “JILL!” No response. Suddenly he stopped running after her as she stopped in her tracks and just stared ahead of her. Carlos already had his pistol out and ready as he slowly stalked towards the S.T.A.R.S. member. She had been about to turn a corner and now she had a look of fear on her face as she stared at the darkness. His eyes grew wide as he suddenly saw the figure that came out of the shadows of the alleyway. “Jesus another one?”
Josh smiled as he looked down at the frightened Jill Valentine who only now drew her gun to defend her self. Josh quickly disarmed her and put the gun in one of his pockets for later. It was at that moment that he felt a stinging pain at the side of his head. “Ow.” He said as he looked in the direction of Carlos. “That’s annoying.”
Jill stared in silent horror as the maddeningly hideous creature disarmed her and took two bullets to the head only to say ow. “Oh my god it talks!”
Josh looked down at the STARS girl and frowned. “It!?” He said angrily. “I’ll have you know I’m sort of human... but I’m better than you... so THERE!! Fuckin ungrateful bitch. I just saved your ass!”
Just then a little girl about the age of eight years old came up in front of the creature and started kicking him in the shins. “Would you stop fucking scaring the crap out of people!? You’re wasting valuable zombie killing time!”
Just then Evan was jerked out of the way by two feminine arms and Josh was shot in the head again, three more times. “OW!! Again with the head!”
Evan growled and bit Jill’s arm, forcing her to let go. She then ran over to Josh’s side and stuck her tongue out at Jill. “Do that again and I’ll scream rape.”
Just then two more people came out from behind the monster. “Where were you sweety?” The one girl asked.
The male frowned as he snapped another clip into his hand gun. He had a R.P.D vest on. “Yeah.” he continued for the girl, who took hold of one of the creature’s many hands. “That thing in the trench coat came after us again. I spent an entire clip on it and Kasumi threw it across town for th third time today. I’d swear there was more than one of those things around.”
Kasumi nodded. “Yes I’d have to agree... it seems to find it’s way across the city awfully fast.”
Josh shrugged. “Okay so it’s got a couple friends. Evan’s viral breakdown nanotech laser that he made will take care of those no problem.”
“Excuse me!” Came a female voice.
The small group looked over to see Jill and Carlo standing there in the alley. Carlos had his pistol trained on Josh’s head and Jill had pulled out a shotgun that she had strapped to her back, which she also pointed at Josh. “What’s up Jill?” Josh responded.
Jill frowned at the creature with the three sets of arms. “What’s going on here? Why are you three hanging around this creature, and how the hell does that thing know my name!?!” She demanded.
Josh shrugged. “That’s a little long of a story...there’s a brain sucker on the wall behind them.”Josh said, pointing. The little girl quickly jumped to action and zapped the stalking creature with a little device that she had strapped to her arm with velcro. The undead creature on the wall quickly fell to it untimely demise as it was eaten away by some sort of Viral zombie eating repellant.
Evan skipped around with glee as she watched the rotting carcass of a creature disintegrate into nothingness. Josh smiled, an action that was quite disconcerting to Jill. “As I was saying. “Why don’t we go get some coffee while we discuss this matter. We’ll be safe for the time being.” Jill reluctantly nodded and walked with the mysterious group. Never once taking her shotgun off the creatures midsection.
**************
Jill Valentine took another sip of her coffee, as she tried desperately to shut out the sound of the moaning zombies outside of the blocked off diner. “So let me get this straight.” the ex-thief started. “You, the little girl, and that fluffy winged gargoyle are travelers from another dimension and have decided, on a whim, to save our world from Umbrella corporation?”
Evan sighed as she leaned back in her chair and took another shot of whiskey. “Y’know... just once I’d like our temporary companions to be gullible trekkies or something! Just so that we wouldn’t have to explain this same damn scenario over and over.”
Claire frowned at Evan. “I don’t think someone of your age should be drinking straight liquor Sherry.” she stated. Evan just flipped the older girl the bird and continued to grip as the alcohol quickly intoxicated the younger body that the man currently inhabited.
Josh nodded. “Yeah actually that’s about it. So how about we wait for JD to get back with some projectile weapons and then open a can of zombie grade whoop ass?”
Jill looked at Josh suspiciously and nodded unsurely. “Fine. I’ll stick with your little group for now... just because you all can speak. Umbrella’s got some strange zombies, but I know for a fact that zombies can’t talk.”
Josh sighed exasperated. “How do I look anything like a zombie?” he started with an annoyed glare at Jill. “Do you see rotting flesh anywhere on my body? I didn’t think so. I also don’t smell! I happen to shower regularly thank you very much!”
Jill backed down and lowered her head slighty. Carlos, who had been standing behind the seated S.T.A.R.S. member during the entire conversation frowned as he looked at the spider monster. *I don’t trust that thing.* he thought to himself darkly. *It’s going to turn on me and Jill at some crucial point and kill us!*
Evan looked up at Carlos. “I!!! kNoW!! Whassh yourre stinking!! Yoush smellsy varmitten! And no WAY!! No WAY in heck! Are yoush gonna take MY butterfinger!!”Sherry then toppled over, still holding the liquor bottle and slowly slipping into the fetal position.
Carlos stared at the girl for a minute and then brought himself back to reality. *I still don’t trust that spider guy. *
Josh smiled. “Hey Evan, remember how I have telepathy?” Evan murmured something that sounded like a yes with odd throaty gurgles mixed in. “Yeah, just pointing that out... Carlos...”
Carlos began to sweat and got a very nervous look on his face. “Oops...”
Josh smiled and stood up. “Well... On with the zombie bashing!”
**************
Several hours later. Josh popped another piece of popcorn in his monstrous mouth as he, Evan, J.D., and Kasumi watched Jill struggle with the upgraded form of the Nemesis. Kasumi frowned. “Shouldn’t we help her?”
“No.” Evan said.
“No.” J.D. said.
“No.” Josh said. “It’s more fun to watch her struggle. We’ve helped her get this far... she should prove herself now.”
Kasumi frowned. “What about Carlos? Did we have to let him die?”
“Yes.” Evan said.
“Yes.” J.D. said.
“Yes.” Josh said.
Evan smiled. “She won’t die though. She’s the hero... they always live.” Just then Jill got killed. “I stand corrected. Lets go get wasted and then make a jump through the portal.”
Everyone agreed.
******************
Evan frowned as she stood up... “Where the HELL are we?”
Just then Kasumi was impaled with an arrow. Josh screamed out and rushed to Kasumi’s side. Evan followed while J.D stayed behind and kept an eye out for any other incoming projectiles. “Kasumi!?!” Josh half asked, half screamed as he kneeled down beside his bleeding wife. Evan knelt on the other side and examined the arrow. “I have read some medical text books and realize that the arrow has punctured a rather vital area.”
Josh looked frantic. “WHICH ONE!?!”
Evan took a breath. “The heart... and judging by the arrow we are in some Japanese era universe, most likely Legend of the 5 Rings due to the bluishness of this arrow denoting the Crane clan... aka the imbreds.”
Josh frowned as Kasumi passed. “They all DIE!!!”
Evan nodded as the forces of the Crane and Crab converged on the area. “I was right.”
Josh let out a scream of rage and rushed at the samurai dressed mostly in blue, tearing holes in their ranks, and stopping the battle for a second, making the forces figure out what the hell just happened. The Crab clan started to froth at the mouth and scream in Japanese about Oni and the Crane summoning the demon. The Crane screamed about the Crab going into corruption and bringing Oni into the battle while fleeing in panic and hitting on members of their own clan. (I hate Crane)
Josh watched as the armies ran away from the awesome might of his powers. He then flew into almost orbit, and nuked the world. Evan looked around and noted the destruction. “Well, that’s done with...The Earth has been near vaporized... now what am I going to do?”
Suddenly a large hand appeared from the clouds, signed a few things and then gave the last remnants of Earth the ‘Holy Finger’. A prissy looking angel floated down to the charcoaled Earth and glared at the people there. At about the same time he landed Josh also dropped to the Earth, creating a large crater.
“Umph kay you guys.” The Angel said in a very gay voice while flopping his hand forward. “God is very pissed at you, Mmph kay.” He paused to get a reaction but was received with blank stares. “Umph Kay... well, he just signed out that he does not appreciate your current behaviours and has decided to strip you of everything but your knowledge. He will also be forced to push the heavenly reset button, making you all go back to your past bodies... Except the one known as Josh Devan or ‘JD’ Umph kay....You will also be set back into the Ranma ½ Universe in which you will be trapped... unless you can rip the fabric of time.... which I don’t think any of you can do with out a lot of magical help.” {Imagine the angel dude with the voice of Mayor Quimby, from the Simpsons}
Josh and the others blinked and then they were looking around at Tokyo, specifically in the Nerima area. Josh looked VERY happy. “WE’RE BACK!!” He then looked down at him self. “I’ve got my old body back!” He then looked over at Evan. “You... you’ve gotten uglier.”
Evan smiled. “I’m back to normal...... .... Wait a second.”
They both then looked at JD. Who was still a grey gargoyle. “God hates me.”
“Only if she’s a woman.”Evan replied. Josh then paused and looked at Evan with hope in his eyes. Before he could say anything though Evan replied. “No I won’t be gay with you.”
Josh shook his head. “The angel dude said that we were going back in time also! Kasumi might still be ALIVE!!!”
Josh then threw his hand forward, preparing to shoot out a web line to one of the nearby street lamps.
Nothing happened.
“That’s odd.” Josh then jumped up and tried to fly towards the Tendo dojo instead. He just landed back on the ground. “Do we have enemies in this universe?” Josh asked without looking towards his colleagues.
“Only if we didn’t go back in time.” Evan replied. “But we did go back in time... so you have to woo Kasumi all over again... SUCKER!!!”
“And you haven’t even met Blink.” Josh retorted.
“But at least we don’t have vagina necks... unlike some people..” Evan said with a smile.
“Stop making fun of me.” JD said... just like a fat ass homo.... {inside Joke between me and Evan... actually it’s a song we made up.}
Evan smiled. “But it’s sooo easy you fat freak.”
Josh snickered and then walked in the direction of the Tendo dojo. “You guys have fun... don’t stay out to late... Evan.”
“Sure Sure.. I’ll make sure that JD doesn’t eat anyone...” Evan said with an evil smile, commenting on how... bulbous JD had been getting due to his gargoyle baby neck tumour thing....
JD frowned “Evan, you had best... WHAT THE FUCK!!”
Evan looked on in horror as JD’s neck pussy started moving around all crazy like. “Guess you’re gonna have you’re kid now... should slim ya a good fifty pounds... tubby.”
JD then started to scream, Josh and Evan walked away as their friend convulsed on the ground, his face ballooning like a... balloon... that is red. “WHAAA!!!” he yelled as the baby crowned.
*************
Evan smiled as he stood in front of the Arcade he had taken over before. “History repeats itself.” He said with a devious smile. “Umm... God, give me a sign if I shouldn’t do this.” Just then a lightning bolt flashed down and struck the ground two feet from Evan, making his hair stand on end. Evan looked down at the place where the bolt hit and found that it spelt something. “‘Do not do this’.. Any sign at all God... No.. Ok, In I go.” Evan smiled as he skipped into the arcade. He noted a small child standing in front of a machine, who had just put the correct amount of yen in. Evan acted instinctually, rushing forward, grabbing the child by the collarbone and tossing him five feet to the left. He noted that his judgement was good as it was a Street Fighter machine. *This is excellent, everything is almost back to perfect... except I don’t hold entire worlds at my fingers... death or life... how I will miss making those types of decisions. * He thought as he selected Vega and started to play, an angry child stood behind him with a larger child backing him up.
“That’s the guy who threw me!!” The kid yelled like a whiny bitch.
Evan gave a half hearted wave while getting his ass handed to him by Chun Li. The older boy tapped Evan on the shoulder and was rewarded with a quick hand movement, expressing Evan’s dislike of the boy. After Evan was royally handed his ass via Chun Li he turned around. “Hey kid, got any more money, I’m broke as fuck.” he said in Japanese.
The older boy struck a fighting pose and Evan blinked. “Is that a no?”
The boy rushed him, hitting Evan multiple times in the gut, winding the teen. *What the fuck... he should be dead via my looking at him funny... This isn’t right... I can feel pain... * Evan thought as he turtled in to avoid most of the brunt of the attacks. The boy continued to punch and kick at him for a good ten minutes before he got tired, then Evan took action, punching the kid in the face as he gasped for air. The boy fell over more with exhaustion then Evan’s ‘might blow’. Evan then pumped his hands in the air singing ‘We are the Champions’ untill the boy’s friends showed up... he then commenced in running.
***********
Josh smiled as he came upon the Tendo dojo, looking with much love at the sign on the side. That stated just so. He then walked through the front gates and began his trek up to the front door. Josh opened the door as though it were his own house, so used to living there. He took his shoes off and walked in to see Soun talking to Nabiki, as they both sat at the living room table in formal Kimonos... except Soun... he was still wearing his ghi. Josh smiled at them. Hello Pops, Nabiki.” The two just looked at him stupidly as he walked past and walked to the kitchen.
Nabiki looked confused. “Was that...?”
“No somehow I don’t think so.”Soun offered. “He looked like a westerner. Ranma’s Japanese.”
Josh frowned as he realized Kasumi wasn’t in the kitchen and walked out, past Soun and Nabiki to the yard. Where he found her hanging up laundry. Josh stopped in his tracks the moment he saw her. Flashes of her death ran through his mind in vivid realistic detail and he nearly got a tear in his eye as he realized that this too was real and she really was standing there before him. Josh walked slowly towards her, dazed by her beauty. “K... Kasumi?” He said as he half extended an arm towards her.
Kasumi looked up for a second. “Oh hello. Are you a friend of Akane’s?” She asked.
Josh soon reached Kasumi and rushed forward, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her deeply, and passionately. Kasumi was too surprised to do anything about it and succumbed in confusion and shock.
***************
Akane frowned as she finished off her last smashing brick. She had been fighting off all the sex crazed boys at school and they really pissed her off so she came to let off some steam. She picked up her towel and smiled, feeling much better as she exited the dojo. She took about four steps onto the lawn and froze at what she saw in front of her.
Josh smiled as he pulled away from the kiss and held Kasumi at arms length, looking her over from head to toe. “I missed you so much!” He said sincerely.
Kasumi just looked away and blushed. “Oh my... do I...?”
“GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER YOU PERVERT!!!”
One thought ran through Joshes mind before he was pummelled into the Tendo’s outer wall. *Oh shit! I remember that sound.*
Josh tried to dodge or do something to get out of the way of Akane’s first strike but due to god’s devine intervention he had lost all of his abilities and failed to do so. The younger girl’s fist impacted with his face and he flew painfully towards the wall, witch he bounced off of hard and crashed to the ground. Josh coughed and spit out a little bit of blood from his mouth.
“WHAT WE’RE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER!?!” Akane screamed at the boy. At the noise of all the commotion. Soun and Nabiki came out of the house, curious to see what was going on.
Josh, quite stubborn and hard headed from his adventures through time and space, frowned as he stood up to face the sixteen year old girl. “I’m in love with her!” He said back. “And if I have to go through you, despite my lack of martial arts knowledge, to be with her. I’ll do it... or die trying.”
Kasumi looked confused as to the goings on around her. The man seemed only a few years older than her, if not then the same age. What really drew her eyes though was the look in his. His eyes burned with a fiery passion that she had never seen before in her entire life. She knew he was telling the truth... but she couldn’t seem to remember his face. She was sure she would have remembered such a strange individual. His western heritage also made him stand out much more.
Soun stepped in between Akane and Josh. “Now come on... there’s no need to fight. I’m sure there’s a good explanation for what this boy did.” Soun then paused and looked to Akane. “What did he do?”
Akane growled. “He was molesting Kasumi!!”
Josh glared at the younger girl. “Hey! Back off short stuff! What would you know about this sort of thing!?!”
“I know that ALL BOYS ARE PERVERTS!!!” Akane screamed back.
Josh dropped his guard and let out an exasperated growl. “God DAMN IT AKANE!!! When are you going to grow up! Every time a guy even talks to you you’re all pumped up to pummel him!!”
Akane got prepared to attack again. “Cause you all only have one thing on the mind!!!!”
Josh smiled as he realized something. *Why didn’t I think of this before!?!* He thought.. “Maybe it’s not what’s on our minds... but yours!” He offered.
Akane staggered, the rest of the family watching these proceedings with a sort of morbid fascination. “W...wha!?”
Josh smiled and tapped the side of his head with his index finger. “I think I’m finally beginning to see what your problem is.” He said moving forward. “You’re just hitting puberty, you think about sex almost every waking moment of the day, you think it’s perverted to think that way and it’s boys fault for making you think about it. You think if you could beat up all the boys, and drown your sexual frustration in martial arts you can stop those feelings. Boys are your emotional scapegoat and you’re in a serious case of self emotive, and sexual denial.”
Nabiki raised an eyebrow at the boy as she noticed the words strike a chord in Akane, who took a few steps back. *This guy’s smart... and handsome too. I think I might like getting to know him. If Akane doesn’t kill him first.*
Akane shook her head. “No. I’m not a pervert. I don’t like to think about it... it’s NOT fun!”
“No it’s not... it’s arousing... isn’t it?” Josh said as he grinned quite sardonically.
Nabiki smiled as well. *I REALLY like this one.* she thought.
A tear ran from Akane’s eye and she turned and ran for her room. Josh sighed in relief. “Whoo! Lucky guess. I thought she’d kick my ass for sure!!” Josh then looked around at the other three people standing there. “...what?”
**********************
Evan ducked into an alley and hopped into a garbage pail as a hoard of people surged past. *What the fuck... when did all those people join the rush to kill me? * He thought to himself as he peeked out from under the lid of the trash can. The lynch mob soon passed and Evan hopped out of the can and dusted himself off. *Ahh... safe at last... and in my natural habitat... alleys... but my pants are on... what the hell, saves cash. * Evan smiled broadly and walked off towards where he thought was the location of the Tendo dojo... he ended up on the other side of Nerima outside of a bulk army store. *Coincidence... I think not. * He walked in retaining a large smile. The cashier was a one armed man in camouflage, attempting to hide under a bad sniper net. “I can see you... just so you know...”
The man jumped up and let out a cry in a very sad attempt to scare the teen. “MAHJAJAJA!!!” He screamed.
Evan shook his head and sighed. “Ok, I need to point out a few things, one gun loving freak to the next. You have horrible camouflage... your shop is shitty... you have no good guns... and no ammo for the shitty guns you have, just ammo for the good guns you should have. I’m here to fix that... give me your store and I’ll fix it up for an ungodly large amount of money.”
The one armed man pondered this for a second, nodded and said. “I’m so lonely.”
Evan fought the urge to slap the one armed bastard, but noted that there were laws against cripple abuse and he didn’t have an N2 mine handy to get rid of the police if they did arrive. “I’ll take that as a yes... now leave.” for some reason the man did. Evan blink blinked and looked around. “Well, I guess I own this shit hole.... time to make it sweet! With illegal weapons and everything!!” Evan then wandered into the storage room to find something he was not suspecting... good guns. Magnums, Mp5s, Mp3's, the works. “Heaven...” Evan said with a tear in his eye.
********************
JD frowned as he awoke from his short lived coma. JD then noticed a rock laying beside his head. And groaned as he looked at it. “I must have passed out and hit my head on that.” Just then the rock moved, grew two arms, two legs, and a pair of wings. “AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”
“Look hunny! It’s moving!”
“Th hell?”
“Nature in motion. They sure got some purty strange creatures up here in Jay’pan!” The tourist said as he took pictures of JD and his newly born daughter.
JD looked up at them and growled, disembowelling them with his claws. “Fuckin tourist!” JD then wiped the blood off of his hands and picked up his daughter, who sprouted a head moments later. “I guess I’m a dad now.” He stated as he looked at his surprisingly developed baby with love. He then noticed the little bump on her neck. “What’s this?” He pondered, poking it. It then pissed on him. “OH GOD!! THAT’S NOT RIGHT!!! IT’S A DICK!!!!”
JD then dropped the baby. It bounced a little bit and then started to giggle as it wet itself, all over it’s face. “Me bue tunder.” The baby said.
JD’s eyes widened in horror and picked the baby up again. “That’s it!! We’re going to church RIGHT NOW!!!”
**************
Evan smiled as he set out weapons of mass destruction in place of the .22 repeaters and BB guns that the ‘war vet’ had set out. “War amp champ had some good taste in guns.” He said mockingly as he tossed the guns onto the streets for hobos to shoot each other with. He went back inside for a second and came back out with a sign reading. ‘Help the overpopulation problem, use these guns to shoot yourselves and others you love! Ammo is in the guns already all you need is a working pointer finger and at least one arm. Play safe and have fun.’ “That should help the government with those pesky hobos. Always eating free food from dumpsters... stealing our trash... I’ll show them.” He then read the sign over and decided to change it slightly, he walked back inside and came out with another sign that read simply, ‘kill the hobos.’
Just then the original shop owner came back as some of the guns got picked up by children that are so very gullible and easy to manipulate. The shop owner read out the sign and frowned, “Hey!!”He whined. “I’m a hobo.” The surrounding children opened fire.
Evan smiled and walked back inside. “A days work I’d say.”He paused and turned to the children, who were unloading into the corpse of the dead one armed cripply hobo. “Now, children, conserve your ammo for the other hobos, they deserve to die just as much as this one.” He said in a teacher-esque voice.
All the children ran off to commit mass murder except for one, little Sally was her name. She was holding her arm and seemed to be in some pain. “Mr. Shop person, I think I breakeded my arm whens I shooted the mean ol’ hobo.”
Evan smiled and patted her bad arm lightly, making her wince in excruciating pain. “Now now little girl, take a hobo shooting break for a week or two and visit your local dentist... he’ll drill you up a new arm from the cavities of your little fucker friends. If you feel you need to, you can plunder from the older hobos, some of them have dentures... those’l help the war effort against the hobo plague. If you feel you really need it, get some ice and a lolly. That will help you... and remember, hobo hunters don’t cry, it shows the bastards you’re weakness and we can’t have them revolting...”
Sally smiled a bit, looking bolstered by Evan’s speech. “Can I have a bandaid?”
Evan shook his head and smiled. “No.”
Sally frowned and hung her head. “Ok...”
“Good, now kill those hobos dead. YOU GO BITCH!!” Evan screamed as he gave her a loving slap... as hard as he could... which sent her out, onto the street... into the path of a speeding transport truck... followed by another transport truck... with another one after that.... and one more following that one. Evan looked on in awe. “Hmm... I’ll be leaving now.”
****************
End of Chapter.
Author’s Notes: {Well we’ve finally finished another chapter of our beloved SI. Well this seems to be the chapter where... everything you could possibly think of happens. Kasumi died... we went through a couple universes... God rewinded the tape of time and dumped us back in Ranma ½... JD had his and Kuno’s baby... I managed to destroy Akane completely... and evan killed a defenceless little girl who wanted nothing more than to help him. Yeah... bet you weren’t expecting all that to happen eh? Eh? Eh? Meh. Well I’m starting a new fic... and doing more on the others... but not soon... yeah I’m behind on my school work.}
(Little Sally, we’ll miss her... but the transport trucks sure didn’t... anywho... back to basics eh? Death destruction mayhem, I love my attitude!... VIN DESIL!!I’m so lonely... but at least I’m not a hobo... I hope I don’t offend anyone with cripple hobo killings... I don’t know any crippled hobos, so this doesn’t affect me, but others might not laugh... and to them I say.... HAHAHAHAH!!! CRIPPLED HOBOS DIE GOOD VIA MY UNDERAGE ARMY OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!! ... all in all a good chapter I’d say.)
[I’m a fat hobo.] (All of a sudden little Billy unloads three .22 rounds into JD’s fat hobo hide, props him up on his red Rider wagon and mounts his fat hobo head on his wall beside the other fat hobo heads... and his parents heads, cause they didn’t appreciate his fat hobo killings... which is justified because he is aiding the overpopulation problem in Japan, which is a major threat to humanity and create diseases like SARS which wouldn’t have happened if Hong Kong had just killed off a couple million people... particularly hobos of the fat variety...) :) (Love you guys)
{Yeah that was Evan... JD’s not here.}
Morden Night: mordennight@hotmail.com
Agasaki Ishano: evanthewanderer@hotmail.com