Self Insertion
Chapter 31
Your Fault
Josh frowned as he looked over his University schedule. “How the hell did I get myself into this?” He wondered out loud as he walked across the school campus towards the main building. A tiny little voice in the back of his head replied silently. *Because like an idiot you chose to associate with Nabiki this time around.*
Josh sighed. He should have saw this coming. It depressed him so much because Kasumi died only a week or so ago and now he was engaged to her sister... with probably no chance of getting back to the woman he truly loves. He wasn’t really paying a whole lot of attention to where exactly he was going and accidentally bumped into a person. He was startled a little bit and dropped his books to the ground. “Sorry.” He muttered as he bent down to pick up his book while the person opposite him did the same to the ones he dropped. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“That’s all right.” Came the strangely familiar voice from the man.
Josh looked up slightly surprised to see the man there. “Dr. Tofu?” He asked. “What are you doing here?”
Tofu adjusted his glasses and looked the young man in front of him over. “Have we met?” He asked, not being able to place the face.
Josh stumbled for a bit as the last books were picked up and offered a Hand. “I’m J...Hamahiro. But, uhh, Everyone calls me Josh. I’ve been living with the Tendo family this past week or so. I’m uh,” Josh then swallowed a sudden lump in his throat before continuing his last sentence. “Nabiki’s... fiance.”
Tofu shook the mans hand and smiled. “Nabiki, I’m surprised. I always thought that Akane would be married first due to her popularity with the boys. Aren’t you a bit old for Nabiki?”
Josh chuckled as they stood up. “Heh, heh. It was an arranged marriage.”
Tofu and Josh began to walk towards the school together. “Hamahiro...That’s an odd name for a westerner.” Tofu commented as they entered the main building.
Josh chuckled, thinking back to the false history that Nabiki had given to him. “I was aaah... adopted... parents killed in car crash, no other relatives.”
Tofu looked sorry that he asked. “Sorry to bring it up.”
Josh shrugged “It’s okay... I’m also the last member of my adopted family. They all died in a plane crash on their way back from Hawaii. But I’m much better on my own... they used to beat me and mentally abuse me.” Josh groaned internally. *That is the biggest load of horseshit I have ever had repeat.* Josh then remembered back to his first meeting with the new old Tofu. “Say Dr. Tofu? What are you doing here?”
“Oh I’m sorry.” Tofu apologized. “I teach a lecture here at the University every week. I’ve been doing it for about three years now. I might actually start teaching my own class sometime this year or the next.”
Josh nodded appreciatively. “Nice. I actually wanted to go into art but my fiancé wanted me to be a little more... a screw it she just wants me to be rich and powerful.”
Tofu nodded. “That sounds more like Nabiki. She does love money.”
Josh rolled his eyes. “Tell me about it. I don’t even know why she wants to marry me. I didn’t think she was even interested in men. She just always seemed too...”
“Busy?” Tofu offered..
Josh nodded. “Yeah... busy, extorting, blackmailing, betting, Amateur Pornographic distribution...”
Tofu looked surprised. “She doesn’t actually do all that does she?”
Josh ooped a little bit. “No... not... really... but since I am engaged to her, with no hope of salvation, I might as well make the best of it and try to be good to her.”
Tofu nodded. “Very loyal of you. If you ever want to get a little more studying done, or extra curricular studies I’m a short distance away from the Tendo home and I’d be glad to help. They’re like family to me so I guess that makes you like family too.”
Josh smiled. “Thanks doctor Tofu.”
Tofu nodded. “Any time you need a hand.” The two continued to talk about little unimportant things and school related things for a little while longer before parting ways. Josh then made his way towards the main office to get a map. The university was just too big and he’d probably end up being late or getting lost.
**************
Akane and Kasumi stood over Evan, watching his every move and hoping to watch another of his interesting magic tricks. Evan grumbled as the pair stared on. *Why don’t they just leave. My powers are ungodly limited. I was barely in tune to the magic enough to break the tanglefoot bag... which I thought even Kasumi would appreciate. * The black haired teen at the pair of hovering girls. *Normally this would be nice... two decent looking girls paying attention to me for long periods of time and not even having to try... but this is ridiculous. *
Akane broke her gaze from Evan for a second to turn to her sister. “Is he going to do anything cool?”
Kasumi shrugged but kept staring at Evan. “He must be conserving his energy for something really good.”
Akane nodded like she knew it all along and returned to staring at Evan. Evan looked back at the girls. “Don’t you have something better to do?” He asked nicely.
Akane and Kasumi both shook their heads no.
“Nothing? No dishes? No boys to beat on?”
Evan received another simultaneous head shaking.
“....I mean, can’t you just find something new to stare at? I hear koi ponds are good staring material and hey! You have one right outside, and its such a beautiful day out too!”
The girls continued to stare at him.
“Alright... I’ll go out to the Koi pond... alone... and stare at it... cause its such a nice day for staring at Koi... in a pond...”
Evan then stood up and walked out into the back yard and took up a spot on a rock beside the koi pond, being followed by the girls, who sat on the grass nearby, the staring continued. Evan staring at the Koi, The girls staring at Evan and the Koi staring at... something... other Koi maybe... or their pond... or a third thing... Evan moaned in agony. “If I do one cool trick will you leave me alone?”
The girls nodded yes, looking excited.
Evan reached into his pocket dimension and pulled out a scroll of dancing lights. *Better keep the spells low level or I’m gonna start losing appendages. * He noted as he unrolled the scroll.
Before he could start reading Akane spoke up. “Can’t you do magic without scrolls?”
Evan blink blinked. “No. Do you want to see this or not?”
Akane closed her mouth. Evan revelled in the control he had over the super bitch.
He spoke the words on the scroll and closed his eyes as a huge flash of light flashed from the fingertips on his right hand. Akane and Kasumi applauded after rubbing their eyes. Evan smiled and started to force the colours to change and dance in intricate patterns. *Ah magic, how fun it is to wield... just liek the old days... cept in the old days it was all about destructive magics... now its wussy magic to draw attention to myself... I miss being feared. * As Evan started to slip into memory his lights continued to amaze to two girls, who responded with claps and giggles.
**************
Josh groaned as he stumbled into the Tendo house carrying a stack of books that weighed his arms down and rose well over top of his head. “Why God?” He whimpered as he desperately tried to get into the house. “Evan’s the one that did most of the killing.”
Just then Somebody grabbed Josh’s ass and he jumped slightly startled and dropped all of the University textbooks and notes. “Welcome home.” Nabiki said with a smile.
“GOD DAMN IT!!!” Josh screamed as he glared at his fiance. “Do you have any idea how long it’s taken me to get home carrying all those things?”
Nabiki smiled and wrapped her arms around him. “Hmmm. Well I guess we’ll just have to find some way to mend your wounds.” She said in a rather sultry voice. Although since Josh knew her it was just creepy.
“All right. That’s it.” He said. “This is scaring the crap out of me.” Josh held Nabiki out at arms length and frowned directly at her. “What is it you see in me?”
Nabiki smiled. “I think you’re cute.”
Josh smiled sarcastically. “Right. How about you save that for someone without a brain like Kuno. I know you, you’re not even interested in relationships. Why would you want to jump into a marriage with a random stranger?”
Nabiki smiled. “Because we both know how to manipulate each other to get what we want. As soon as I met you I knew that you were the one.” Nabiki then put on her sardonic look. “That and all the other boys are afraid of me. I have dated... but every one has ended in utter disaster.”
Josh nodded. “That’s pretty good. That and I can see why they’d all run away.”
Nabiki frowned. “What are you afraid of me too?” she asked.
Josh shook his head. He then lowered it and sighed. After a moment he pulled Nabiki into a light embrace and frowned. “My wife died a week ago. You also have one of the worst reputations in Nerima. I’m sorry if I get you mad or sad or whatever but I’m gonna try to make the best of it.”
Nabiki smiled genuinely and returned the hug. Josh looked off into space(figuratively)and looked thoughtful. *Geez I guess I never really thought about Nabiki in the relationship sense much. She was always such a background character.* Josh then let his eyes travel downward and smiled. * She does have a pretty nice ass though.*
“Good to see you two are getting along.”
Josh looked over to Ranma, still smiling. “Hey Ranma. How was school?”
Ranma growled. “Hell! I met this guy Kuno right!? And this guy keeps on tryin to fight me! Then he’s all tryin to make out with my girl body when I change!!”
Josh chuckled. “Sounds rough... you kick his ass?”
Ranma nodded vigorously. “You damn right I did!! The pervert!!”
Josh shrugged. “Why cry over spilt milk? You didn’t try to kiss him back did you?”
Ranma suddenly looked disgusted. “HELL NO!!!”
Josh put a little sardonic sneer on. “Well then he’s really the only pervert. All you gotta do is kick his ass daily... could be fun right?” He asked.
Ranma looked thoughtful for a moment then shrugged and walked into the house. “What was that all about?” Nabiki asked her fiancé as she watched Ranma calmly walk into the house.
Josh smiled. “I’m trying to get him comfortable with his curse...”
“Why?” His fiancé asked.
Josh just smirked. “Oh I have plans for him.”
Nabiki suddenly became very, VERY aroused by her new fiancés manipulative sneakiness.
*****************
Evan walked out the front door of the Tendo residence to retry the conquest of his arcade and was greeted with a very special surprise. The military was back. “EVAN MCNEELY!!! WALK OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!!”
Evan shrugged and walked out as they ordered, his hands in the air. Everyone in the area was taken aback at his compliance. “NOW DROP THE KNIVES!!!”
Evan looked down at his hands in which were two throwing knives. “I can’t.”
“Please?”
Evan hung his head. “Ok.” He then dropped the knives, narrowly missing his own feet. “Whoa... that was close...”
The military then arrested him. Some soldiers carried evan into a tank... or rather tied him up, gagged him, and threw him in. Once they were all piled into the tank... Evan once again confronted BBD. “Hello.” BBD said. “I’m surprised that we we’re able to get you again.”
“Cause I’m good right?”
“No, cause you’re crazy..”
“That still doesn’t make sense BBD?”
“BBD?” BBD asked.
Evan shrugged. “Yeah... Burny Black Dude... Duuuh... uhhhh.”
The other soldiers in the tank started to chuckle. BBD quickly shut them up with a simple glare and then turned his attention back to Evan. “Listen kid.” He started angrily. “I’m giving you a chance of a lifetime... most people with the skill would kill to be a secret agent for the secret service.”
“Uh huh? And?” Evan asked.
“You get to fight against world class villains and terrorists!!” BBD offered forcefully.
Evan frowned. “If you’re not spending millions of dollars a month to train me as a ninja I don’t want to hear it.”
BBD’s left eye twitched as he realized the strange and irritating boys intentions. He then forcefully calmed himself down and smiled. “Well you’re in luck Mr. Evan... that’s exactly what we’re doing.”
Evan looked back tto BBD from the hatch of the Tank in which he was opening to climb out of at that moment, with a pile of unconscious military men piled on the floor. “Really... and here I was about to run away again.” Evan then sat down.
BBD looked back and forth from the hatch and the now seated Evan. “How did you...?” He asked, confused as to how the boy had released himself from his bonds and taken out the guards within a blink of an eye. He then smirked at the boy. “It doesn’t seem that you need much training.”
Evan then farted. “That’s right... that was me.”
BBD twitched again. “We’ll have to work on your silence though.
******************
Two weeks later Josh was walking down the hall towards the guest room holding his right arm in pain. “Ow.” He muttered as he moved it around, trying to get feeling back into it. “This martial arts stuff is a lot tougher without that perception point that Happosai gave me.” Josh passed by Nabiki’s room and nearly ignored it but something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He walked into the room and looked around, all the stuff that he had purchased the past couple weeks and put on the walls of the guest room were now adorning Nabiki’s room, and she suddenly had a much larger bed that looked like it could accommodate at least two people. “What are you doing?” He asked his fiancé with a little bit of a suspicious frown.
Nabiki looked up and smiled. “I’m making our bed.”
Josh frowned. “I’m sorry... ‘our’ bed?” He asked, not quite able to wrap his mind around that sentence. “What do you mean ‘our’ bed?”
Nabiki turned back and continued to smooth out the blankets on the bed. “Well. We’ve been engaged for a couple of weeks now and I figure we might as well sleep together.”
“And what part of that makes sense?” Josh asked quite baffled by the girl’s less than ordinary behaviour. “I’m at least three years older than you and have quite a normal sex drive... what makes you think I’m not going to take advantage of you in this kind of situation?”
Nabiki blinked. “Actually I was kind of counting on it.”
Josh sighed. “Why are you of all people trying to rush into this type of thing?”
Nabiki frowned. “We’ve already discussed this Josh!”
Josh mock sighed. “Ah yes. Your desperate struggle to abolish your horrible reputation and become a normal girl. I take it this is just one of those things that you’ll want to gab with the girlfriends about then huh?”
Nabiki frowned. “I want to fit IN!!!” She yelled at him. “Now get in my bed and have sex with me dear!” She said while glaring at her fiancé, and pointing at her bed.
Josh frowned. “No Nabiki... I agreed to try and make this engagement work but I’m not going to rush things like this.” Josh then walked over to the closet and pulled out a Futon, he put it on the floor and grabbed one of the pillows off of his fiancé’s bed. “I’ll just sleep on the floor. Now I’ve slowly been warming up to you but let me take it slow, please.”
Nabiki lowered her head and sighed. “All right”
Josh suddenly felt a pang of guilt. He hated hurting girls feelings. Josh then walked up to her and brushed his one hand through her hair. He then pulled her into a light, warm kiss. “You won’t lose me any time soon. I said I’d stick with this wacky engagement and I always keep my promises.”
Nabiki smiled and crawled into the bed. “Good night Josh.
Josh smiled and rolled himself into his futon... the moment he layed down his skin tingled for a moment and he shivered. *That was weird.*
*****************
Nabiki awoke the next morning and yawned. The new bed that she had bought the night before was very comfortable. She rolled over to see Josh... then she screamed and backed up towards the wall that her bed was against.
Josh awoke with a start, due to Nabiki’s scream and fell to the floor. “What th...” THUMP! “OWW!” Josh then got up and rubbed his head as he looked towards the ceiling through his long blonde hair. “How did I get up there?”
Nabiki wasn’t screaming anymore and was just looking at Josh confusedly. “J...Josh?” She wondered.
Josh nodded. “Yeah who else would I be?” Josh then took a look at his hand and screamed. “AAAAAHHHH!!! WHAT’S HAPPENED TO MY SKIN!!! AND MY HAND!!! I LOOK LIKE...!” Josh then got up and ran towards Nabiki’s mirror. Josh then assessed his image, calmly this time. “Okay... Blue skin... Pointy ears... Hand with only two, larger than normal, fingers and a thumb... Feet with virtually the same thing... and a tail... I look like Nightcrawler all of a sudden.” Josh then turned around towards Nabiki Exasperated. “HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!??!”
Nabiki was now standing up... “But...” She started. “You were normal just last night.”
Josh looked confused and sat down on his fiancé’s nearby desk chair. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this...” He started. “I’m betting this is some sort of reality thing.”
“What?” Nabiki said, slowly inching her way towards the now blue fiance.
Josh sighed. “Reality... as in, like, alternate realities. It’s probably something to do with that.” Josh then smiled and looked up at her. “Still wanna marry me?” He asked. Smiling and showing off his new sharp teeth.
Nabiki nodded, although, somewhat reluctantly.
Josh frowned. *DAMN! Here I almost thought it was a blessing in disguise!* Josh then sighed. “I wonder if anyone else turned into some sort of amalgamation.”
Just then “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!”
Joshes ears perked up and he looked in the direction of where he heard the scream. “That came from Ranma’s room.” He stated. He then started running towards the Jusenkyo cursed teen’s room. Nabiki followed, now curious as to what was happening. Josh burst into the guest room the moment he got there. “RANMA!?” He called out. He then froze in his tracks as he saw three Ranmas, all dressed the same, circling each other. Two of them were male and the other one female. “What the hell?”
“There’s multiple Ranmas.” Nabiki stated in shock.
All three of the Ranma’s turned towards the two newcomers as Genma’s panda form cringed in fear in the corner. They all noticed Joshes strange new appearance. “AHH! What happened to you?” They all asked at the same time.
“We we’re about to ask you guys the same thing.” Josh said pointing towards the trio.
The three Ranma’s then looked back to each other and glared. “I just woke up and then these two idiots appeared out of nowhere!” The Male Ranma #1 screamed.
“NO WAY!!! Male Ranma #2 screamed back. “I’M THE REAL RANMA!!!”
“Come on guys.” The female Ranma said trying to calm the other ones down. “There should be a way to find out which of us is the real one.
Ranma 1 sniffed disdainfully. “Well you’re definitely not it.”
“Yeah.” Ranma 2 seconded.
“ARE YOU ASS HOLES SINGLING ME OUT CAUSE I’M THE GIRL HALF!!!” She screamed in reply.
“SHUT UP!!!” Josh screamed at the trio, shuting them up just as he had intended. “How about we discuss this over breakfast in a civilised manner guys. We’re not going to get anywhere yelling at each other.”
The Ranma’s all glared at each other and reluctantly nodded.
*****************
Evan woke up late that day. He groaned and looked at the digital clock in his ‘economy’ class room consisting of a bed, and a digital clock. Evan shivered. *It’s fucking cold in here... and I like it... weird. * He looked around and was surprised to find a thin layer of frost covering everything in the room. *What? This is messed... is it some kind of environment training or something, cause I’m Canadian, I can handle freezing weather. *
Just then BBD walked into the room, his jaw dropped as he entered, and Evan matched his jaw droppiness. “WHAT THE FUCK!?!!” They yelled at the same time.
“Why the hell are you blue? And furry?” Evan asked his employer, who looked himself over and seemed as surprised as Evan.
“I don’t know... why the hell is your room covered in frost?”
“I don’t know... But I find it quite comfortable... I am Canadian after all.” Evan responded.
A long silence followed. BBBD (Blue Burny Black Dude) broke it by saying “Your Canadian?”
“Yeah... um, do you have the ninja guy to train me yet?”
“Umm... not yet.”
“See ya later then.” Evan said as he started to walk out of the door. BBBD responded with a swift kick aimed at Evan’s back, he connected fully. Evan dropped to the floor and put a hand to his back, putting pressure on the spot where he was kicked. “You’re making me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry.” Evan said as he got to his feet.
The teen swung a punch at BBBD who rolled backwards, kicked off the floor and then the wall, launching himself at the youth at a blinding speed. Evan brought his hands up to stop the attack and found that it worked. BBBD ran straight into a wall of ice that had sprung out of nowhere. “Sweet.” Evan commented as he made his escape.
*************
Josh smiled as he sat at the table with the Tendos and the Ranma’s. Kasumi was currently... on fire. Most of the people were looking at her. “What?” She asked timidly. “It’s keeping the tea warm.”
Soun looked towards Josh. For some reason he had a big letter M over his right eye. “Josh? Do you know what’s going on here?”
Josh nodded.. “Actually I think I figured it out.” He said with a nod. “The dimensions are collapsing and aspect of them are mixing with this one. I’ve been turned into a Nightcrawler type person, Kasumi is the human torch, and Ranma has gained the ability of Jamie Madrox the multiple man.
“So is this permanent?” The Ranmas asked together.
“Oh yeah.” Josh stated. “Have you tried changing your curse?”
The Ranmas nodded, the female version somewhat sadly. “Yeah.” The first male said.
“But it didn’t change us.” The second male said with a smile.
“And I’m stuck as a fucking CHICK!!!” The single female one said. “I have no luck.”
“So how come we don’t have cool powers too?” Akane asked, indicating herself and Nabiki. Josh just shrugged. Akane crossed her arms and pouted. “No fair! I wanted to fly or something.”
Kasumi smiled. “Well isn’t this nice.”
Josh looked at her confusedly. “Aren’t you going to turn the flames off?”
Kasumi shook her head. “When I burst into flames all my clothes, and my bed were incinerated... I’m naked underneath.”
Josh got a glazed look in his eyes. “Sweeet.”
Kasumi looked angered and was about to say something as a familiar voice spoke up. “Very sweet.”
Evan smiled as he smoothly walked into the dojo, slipped in a puddle of water and slide across the floor until he hit the table near kasumi, who dropped the tea pot of boiling water , before it hit him it mysteriously froze, became solid and hit him in the chest. “Omph.....kay...” Evan smiled.
Kasumi looked like she was about to flip out. “MY TEA!!”
Josh glared at Evan. “Let me guess... Iceman.”
“You figured it out too huh?” Evan asked as he righted himself into a kneeling position at the table. “I prefer to think of my self as Sub Zero... Deadly ninja and frozen person extra-ordinaire.”
Josh rolled his eyes. “Right. Well it seems a lot of people have inherited some strange power overnight.” He stated. “Kasumi is the human torch, Ranma is the Multiple man...”
“My condolences.” Evan offered the Ranmas.
“HEY!!” They responded rather forcefully.
Josh continued. “...Soun is Bishop, and I am Nightcrawler.”
Evan smiled. “I noticed a lot of other mutant type people around town. There’s a bunch of nightcrawlers, human torches, Mr. Fantastics, Bishops... everything. Think this has something to do with us?” He questioned.
Josh smirked. “Do you have to ask?”
Evan shrugged. “Meh.”
“You bloody right it does!” Came a voice from the kitchen. Everyone turned towards the source and saw a man with wings.
“Either you’re a dude who inherited the powers of archangel or you’re another one of those angels.” Josh said to the guy.
The man walked out of the kitchen into the room everyone else was in and continued to frown as he had been doing all along. “The second one. Do you two have any idea how much damage you’ve done to the realities?” Evan and Josh nodded. The angel rolled his eyes. “It’s a MOOT question you fools! All that warping between realities has created aural links in between them all and they’re starting to merge with this central reality since this is where you started your little trip.” He then pointed to Evan. “You’re little friend there has been using the initial spell improperly. It’s all his fault.”
Josh sighed. “So... what do you want us to do about it? You took all of out powers away remember?”
The angel chuckled a bit. “Good thing too! Elsewise you boys would have killed way too many people here, only messing things up more. Right now God blames you, God’s pissed off at you, and as soon as he finds a way to do so, he’s making YOU fix it!”
Evan looked confused. “Me or him?” He asked the winged habitant of heaven. Indicating himself and Josh beside him.
“BOTH OF YOU!!!!” He screamed. He then calmed down a bit and turned around. “Right well I need to get back home... we’re absolutely swamped. Even though we rewound time all the dimensions are being acted out improperly. Well... tah.” With that the angel dissapeared.
Josh turned back to the family. “Well that was weird.”
“What was weird Josh?” Nabiki asked her fiance.
“You mean you didn’t see that angel dude with the wings talking about the end of the world and pie?” Evan asked surprised at the Tendo family in general.
“No.” Kasumi stated. She then smiled. “Although it certainly does sound weird.”
Josh rolled his eyes. “Ah yes he did one of his magical ‘stop everything but who you’re talking with’ things that angels and god like beings love to do.”
Evan pouted and crossed his arms. “I used to be able to do that.”
******************
author’s notes: {Well this is strange eh? All of a sudden when you thought things were normal again everybody’s got powers. And the dimensions are mixing. And Evan’s being trained as an assassin by BBBD. ‘Re actually following a set story right now unlike in the early SI days where we’d think up everything on the spot. I’m sure you’ve noticed this by now. Currently Evan’s not here to do author’s notes so I’ll just do them myself. He’s off in Quebec getting drunk for the entire weekend. Boy doesn’t that sound fun(sarcastic). JD’s not writing anymore so we’re killing off his character. Me and Evan are the main characters anyway. JD’s more like scrappy doo, the annoying sidekick like thing meant to bring comic relief to an otherwise dying franchise. But we’re not dying. SI will live for ever. I mean... we’ve got thirty one chapters already... that’s not bad.}
(I AM .... JONNY 5 IS ALIVE!!!!! JONNY 5!!!!.... short circuit is an old movie....)
{Yeah that was the real Evan... I’m sure you could tell buy now.}
Morden Night: mordennight@hotmail.com
Agasaki Ishano: evanthewanderer@hotmail.com
hate mail to Morden’s brother who prevents him from writing a lot can be sent to: jacobvanhalteren@hotmail.com
http://vampire_hunter4.tripod.com JD and AKKomodo’s new web site.
SHWING!!