Self Insertion


Chapter 34


Love.....Hina? Or Akane... your pick.


(I pick Hina)


Evan frowned as he sat in a bar near the Tendo dojo. *I have nothing to do. There are no ‘hits’ to be made cause I semi-broke the contract thingy with BBBD, I’m not getting any action, and I have fun ice powers! This is shit!* He thought as he took a sip of beer. *Bored bored bored.....*


“Excuse me?” A familiar voice asked. “But we have a contract, and if you are not insane at the moment I would like to talk to you in the shady corner of the bar.” BBBD said, stepping out from some shadows beside Evan.


“Huh? Oh, it’s you. Sure, we can ‘talk’, but it’ll cost you another Ninjitsu master.” Evan responded with a smile.


BBBD nodded. “Fine, providing you don’t kill him.”


Evan shrugged and followed BBBD to the part of the bar labeled ‘The Shady Corner’, which was slightly darker than the rest of the bar and mysteriously had no break between light and dark, just part of the bar is lit properly, and ‘The Shady Corner’ is dim and gloomy and filled with people in trench coats. “So, what can I do ya for?” Evan asked cheerily, throwing off the mood of ‘The Shady Corner’.


“Well, as I said before, you have a contract. You are working for us, so we need to lay down some rules. Following that, and providing we are on good terms then I have some documents that include info on your next mission.”


“If you want good terms you had best buy me some beer.” Evan stated, sounding semi-interested.


BBBD signaled a waitress for a pint of beer and got down to business. “OK, rule number one. You must not attack, destroy or in anyway harm, kill, or maim, any of my staff, property, or self.”


“I’m noting that you said self last, and in the chain of importance, I should revert to beating on you before I harm, kill, or maim the photocopier.”


BBBD stared at Evan with a look of pure, undying hatred. “It doesn’t matter about the order! Secondly, you must carry out a contract until it is complete without any errors in the missions guidelines.”


“Define errors.”


“Screwups.”


“Oh.”


“Third,” BBBD continued, “You are to complete the full training regiment with the FINAL Ninjitsu master we have found.”


“Is that the LAST Ninjitsu master in existence?”


“They are quite hard to come by, so don’t kill this one.”


“Fine.” Evan grumbled.


“And lastly, you will not be allowed to use any military machines, weapons or computers.”


“Not even to play solitaire?”


“Maybe solitaire....”


“Maybe?”


“FINE YOU CAN PLAY FUCKING SOLITAIRE!!! DROP THE SUBJECT!!!!” BBBD screamed.


“Ok, pass me my mission sheet and tell me when my training is and I’ll be off.”


BBBD handed Evan some documents and left, squinting as he entered the non-‘Shady Corner’. Evan sat around and drank the pint as he leafed through the documents.


Evan’s eyes squinted angrily as he came across a certain part of the document. *It can’t be.*


*************


Ranma frowned as she stood outside the main gate of the Tendo home looking up at it. She had managed to pull together a Furinkan girls uniform from the school after Josh had left and couldn’t get Josh’s last words out of her mind as she reviewed them over and over again in her head. “Your dad... ask him where your Mom is. She’s still alive.”


*What should I do?* Ranma thought to herself as she contemplated opening the door with her hand outstretched towards it. *Will Dad even tell me the truth? He hasn’t told me about her for a long time. I can’t even remember what she looks like.* Ranma then withdrew her hand and clenched it into a fist. *No!* She thought. *He’ll never bring me to her. I’ll have to bring her to him... then... then he’ll have some explaining to do! YOU’LL PAY FOR LYING FOR SO LONG POP!!!!* Ranma then turned heel and ran away.


*******************


Josh smiled as he came down from the guest room. He had came in earlier and gotten changed into some normal clothing. Josh had stayed in the room for a while just drawing in Ranma’s school books. “ Coast is clear!”He muttered to himself as he crept down the hall trying to look casual. He froze however when he turned face to face with Kasumi. “WAAAH!!!!”


“Where have you been?” Kasumi asked.


Josh looked around nervously. “ Well that is... I went with Akane on her morning run and woke up early.”


Kasumi sighed. “ Please don’t lie to me Josh. I already talked to Akane. She was back 15 minutes ago and you weren’t with her.”


“Er.”


“Did you cheat on Nabiki with Ranma?” She asked. “I want to know. I’d understand if you did.”


Josh tried to look away from the girl’s gaze but it seemed that she was being heartfelt and honest. He really couldn’t say no to his one true love. “I have a weakness.” He stated drooping his head and shoulders. “I can’t say no to an Asian woman... and I’m easily seduced.”


Kasumi looked a little shocked. “Oh my!” Kasumi paused and seemed to be contemplating something.


“You’re going to tell Nabiki aren’t you?” Josh asked, his tail twitching. Kasumi didn’t reply. Josh sighed. “I’m sorry about what I did. I really am. Listen Kasumi... I’ll tell Nabiki on my own. Marriage is based on trust and honesty. I won’t lie to her.”


“Just... How did it happen?” Kasumi asked. Her eyes watering slightly. “She trusted you.”


Josh then crossed his muscular yet lithe arms across his chest and sat down on the top step of the stairs. “Kasumi me and Nabiki had a fight during our... honeymoon. A serious fight.”


“I heard.” Kasumi said as she sat down beside him.


“I was vulnerable... I was just... so angry. She’d been lying to me so much and I couldn’t see through it. Ranma’s girl form offered comfort. It just happened to be in the form of sex.”


“That’s the part I don’t get.” Kasumi started. “ Ranma used to be so masculine... even when in girl form? Why is she different now?” She asked.


Josh smiled. “She’s all girl now... she developed a female hormonal balance and sexual preference. I didn’t expect it either... it caught me by surprise when she all of a sudden seduced me. HA HA HA!!!” Josh laughed at the situation.


Kasumi looked suddenly angry. “This is not a funny situation.” She said calmly yet with such venom that Josh stopped instantly.


“Sorry.”


“Do you realize what could happen? What if Ranma becomes pregnant? Are you ready to bring a child into this world? Let alone an illegitimate one? Nabiki told me that you used protection on your honeymoon since she’s only 17. But you didn’t give that kind of thought when you did it with Ranma!” Kasumi continued slightly stern. 

“I’m sorry Kasumi.” Josh stated.


Kasumi stood up. “I’m not the one you should apologize to. I can, however, think of two other teenage girls that you could afford to say sorry to.”  

Josh nodded and stood up. “Thanks Kasumi. You’re the best.”


Josh then walked down the stairs towards the living room where he was sure to find at least one of the girls. Josh looked around when he entered the room and looked confused. “Eh? No Ranma or Nabiki?”


Both the male Ranma’s popped their heads up from the couch where they were watching an anime of some sort. “We’re right here Josh!” They said simultaneously.


Josh shook his head. “No I’m looking for the female Ranma. You see her lately?”


Ranma #1 shrugged. “We didn’t see her at all today, not even when we woke up.”


Ranma #2 nodded. “ Yeah... and she hasn’t come back from wherever she’s been yet either.”


Josh turned around and started walking out of the Tendo dojo.*That’s strange!* She thought, *How come she hasn’t come back from the school?*


*********************


The next day. The female of the Ranma twins looked down at the address on the little piece of paper that she was holding and then looked up at the house she was standing in front of. “It sure took a long time to find out where she lived.” She muttered to herself. “I hope this works.” Ranma then sighed “Here goes nothing.” With that statement she began to walk towards the house. She looked tentative up at the house as she stood at the front door. *It’s been so long.* She thought. Ranma took a deep breath and steeled herself. *Alright! Here I go!* Just then the door opened. “Eh?”


“Huh?” The woman at the door inquired as she noticed the teenaged red-haired girl, just preparing to knock. Nodoka was about to head out to the market to get some groceries, but was suddenly entranced by the girl’s eyes, as though she had seen them before. “ Can I help you?” She asked the girl.


The girl just stood there, perfectly still. Not a single muscle moved as she just stood there staring at the older woman’s face. Finally, with all of her strength to get the words past the lump in her throat she stated. “Momma?”


Nodoka had a look of shock and confusion on her face.


***************


Evan smiled as he walked down the street towards a random bar. He started to hum and then burst out singing a very off key tune that didn’t actually rhyme at all. “WELL!!! EVAN THE NINJA!!!!

WALKING DOWN THE STREETS OF TOKYO!!

GOT A MISSION FROM BBBD!!!!

GONNA GO AND GET COMPLETELY PLASTERED!!!

TO LURE MY EVIL ENEMY OUT!!!!

CAUSE HE WILL TRY TO STEAL MY PANTS!!

AND I WILL KICK HIM IN DA NUTS!!!

BA BUMP!!!

DA NUTZ!!

SHA DUMP!!!

PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME FUNNY!!!!

AS I WALK DOWN TO THE BAR!!!

I PREFER TO DRINK SAKE!!!

WHEN IT IS HEATED UP A LITTLE BIT!!!

BBBD IS A FURRY DUDE!!!

AND I HAVE SUPER COOL ICE POWERS!!!!

NOW I’LL BE PUTTIN ON THE MAD BEATS!!!”


Evan then began to do rap style beats. “Yeah.” Evan then turned into the bar and sat down at a stool. He smiled as he ordered a bottle of sake. “ OY! BAR GUY!!! I’LL HAVE SOME SAKE!!!” Moments later he received his drinks and turned around so that he could lean against the bar. He then turned his head to the side and noticed, something familiar... or rather someone. “A...Akane?” He said in shock.


Just then Akane Tendo whipped her head to the side to see the familiar man sitting beside her. *Oh NO!!!* She thought. *My secret!*


Evan just looked confused at the girl as he took slugs of his bottle. “Yo? Whats up Akane? You got a drinking problem!?!?”


Just then Akane stumbled to her feet, and ran as fast as she could out the door. “NOOOOO!!!!! I’M NOT A FREAK!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” She screamed as she fled.


Evan just stared after her, actually forgetting about his drink for a single moment. “Akane’s an Alcoholic?” He muttered to himself. He then turned to the bartender who was currently drying a glass, as all bartenders seem to be always doing. “Hey. She come in here a lot?” He asked.


The bartender, a short yet slim Japanese man with short black hair, a grateful dead T-shirt and a Fuck you hat, nodded. “Yeah... her names Akane. She’s a pretty bad drunk. Whenever some boy hits on her or someone upsets her she comes down here and has a few rounds. She gets drunk easily but somehow she’s able to hide the fact that she drinks from her relatives and friends.” The bartender smiled. “You know her?”


Evan nodded. “Yeah... I never knew she was so...” Evan gasped and dropped his sake bottle. *C...Could it be? Could I... be... it can’t be possible.* Evan shook his head and noticed the smashed Sake bottle. He turned his head towards the bartender. “I’ll have three or eight more of those. I’ve got work to do.”


The bartender looked flabbergasted. “You’re drinking on the job!?!?!” He wondered.


Evan smiled. “Silly bar wench! Drinking is my job.”


*********************


Akane sniffled as she walked home. She wiped at her eyes and continued to stare at the ground. *Evan knows I’m a drunk now!* She thought to herself in despair. *He’s such a big mouth! He’ll tell everyone about it... starting with Josh!* Tears began to run down her cheeks. She stopped outside the Tendo dojo and leaned against the wall. *But that look he gave me.* She thought back to the time at the bar, which was only about 3 minutes prior. She imagined Evan’s face looking at her lovingly. His eyes sparkly with infatuation. *He seemed so kind and understanding. Myabe I can count on him to not tell anyone about my problem.* Akane smiled as she hugged herself. “Yeah.” She muttered. “He won’t tell anyone.”


******************


Evan smiled as he sat across from Josh. “Dude, Akane’s an alcoholic.” He stated.


“Wait’ll I tell Nabiki!” Josh said standing up.


******************


Nodoka frowned as she looked at the red headed girl who claimed to be the physical representation of her son Ranma’s feminine side. Her story was a little bit unbelievable but she could see so much of a resemblance in her features to her self that she couldn’t deny that it might just possibly be the truth. The girl had cried and hugged her when they began to talk and told her about the man she wanted to marry and even asked her permission to be with him. She literally thought she was her daughter with all her heart. “So...” Nodoka started. “My son is now twins and living at the Tendo dojo?” She asked.


The female Ranma nodded.


Nodoka looked thoughtful and leaned back on the couch that she was sitting at after setting down her te a cup. “Is this split a part of a power? Like the ones that seem to have been showing up in so many people lately?” She asked.


Again Ranma nodded. “We just split up into three different personalities. I became a girl in the truest sense and even fell in love with a man...”


Nodoka smiled. “Well it’s so nice to hear that. You’re such a pretty girl.”


Ranma turned her head away from her mother and blushed. “Father never told us anything about you. We assumed you’d passed away after having been away from you so long. Josh was the one that told me you were still alive. I was hoping that you’d come to the dojo with me to meet my brothers.”


Nodoka thought about this for a moment then shrugged inside while remaining smiling and calm on the outside. *Why not? She thought. *he worst that could happen would be that it turns out she’s lying. If she’s telling the truth then I’ll now have three beautiful children!* Nodoka’s thoughts then became dark. *And I’ll tear it into Genma’s hide for taking my baby away from me!!* Nodoka then looked up to the pigtailed girl. “Okay dear. I’ll go with you. I certainly miss my family.”


Ranma smiled and leapt to the woman’s embrace, wrapping her arms around her with fresh tears streaming from her eyes. “Thank you for believing me Mommy.” She said, clutching the woman for dear life.


Nodoka smiled and waved it off. “It’s not a problem dear. Now... tell me about this man... What’s he like?” She asked. “Give me all the details.”


***************


Genma squinted his eyes and had a deep contemplative frown across his face as he carefully watched Soun’s move. The two of them were in their male forms and playing Shogi. Soun very carefully took one of his pieces and moved it forward. Soun smiled at his decision and kept his eyes on the board to make sure no pieces went missing as Genma took his turn. Soun looked up for a moment however when some movement caught his eyes.


“Say,” Soun stated pointing his finger over Genma’s shoulder. “Isn’t that your wife Nodoka who you haven’t seen in a long time with Ranma’s girl half?” He asked.


Genma’s eyes bugged out and became full of fear then he burst out laughing. “BWA HA HA HA HAA!!! Good one Soun old boy! You sounded so sincere! I almost actually turned around!”


Behind Genma an enraged Nodoka was standing holding a katana over her head ready to strike at her husband. Soun looked a little worried. “Old friend... I think you should turn around.”


Genma, who just realized that Soun was not looking at the game, rearranged the pieces in his favor and then turned around. “Now what is so... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” Genma screamed as he quickly rolled to the left, narrowly avoiding the blade that sliced the shogi board in two. Genma quickly backed up against a wall in fear staring at the woman that was his wife. “N...N...No-chan. What a nice surprise!” He said hoping to quell the beasts rage.


Nodoka growled. “You took my Baby away... got him cursed! Now I have three children and you didn’t even bother to tell me!” She growled. “I cannot forgive you husband.”


Ranma’s girl half grabbed Nodoka’s arm. “Mommy please don’t kill him. It’s not his fault... he’s scared.” Nodoka tried to keep her deadly anger filled appearance up but quickly faltered and lowered her blade.


“You are lucky, Genma, that our daughter is such a kind person with so much love in her heart.” Nodoka stated. “Now I haven’t told Ranma why you’re so scared of me... so when the children get back from school I expect that you will tell the story in full. Do you understand!?” She demanded.


Genma nodded furiously from his bowed position on the floor. “Of course my wife!” He stated in uninhibited fear.


********************


Josh smiled as he hung outside of Nabiki’s bedroom window upside down, showing in his sharp canines with a toothy smile. “Hey Nabiki Guess what?” He questioned just before flipping right side up and landing on her small balcony.


Just then Evan showed up behind Josh his body turned completely into an ice form. “Josh!” He said. “I have to talk to you before you tell Nabiki.”


Josh and Nabiki looked back to the person as he too landed on the balcony via ice slide and reverted to a normal, and clothed, state. “What’s up?” Josh muttered, his blue tail twitching with confusion.


“Not here.” Evan stated. His expression suddenly serious.


Josh blinked in fascinated confusion. He rarely saw his friend with such a serious expression across his face. It was like... some kind of bizaro Evan.


Evan then slid down to the Dojo in the yard and Josh teleported inside to meet him. “What’s up? You suddenly gain a conscience and don’t want to cause mischief towards the most annoying Tendo?” He asked with a smile. “This ain’t like you man.”


Evan shook his head and sat down on the floor, his legs crossed. “It’s not that. I just suddenly have this feeling that people aren’t supposed to know about Akane.”


Josh looked surprised. “You really don’t want me to tell everyone!?” He stated, moving in closer and feeling Evan’s forehead, after removing his ninja headband thing. “Are you okay?”


Evan slapped his best friend’s blue, three fingered hand away. “I’m not sick!” He growled as he picked up his headband and put it back on his head.


“I don’t know it was pretty warm... “ Josh muttered as he sat down across from the black haired boy.


“Shut up!” Evan stated. “It’s just...”


Josh suddenly looked shocked. “Oh my GOD!!” He sat shocked as he realized why his friend was coming to the youngest Tendo’s defense. “You like... AKANE!!!” He stated, hardly believing that he had said those words.


“I do not!!” Evan screamed before fleeing from the dojo and Ice sliding away as fast as possible.


Josh smiled as he watched his friend leave. “Maybe I won’t tell everyone. This could prove entertaining.” He then got up and left the dojo, headed for the house.


******************


The two Ranma’s smiled as they entered the house, meeting up with Josh on the way in. “Tadaima!” they called out, announcing their arrival. “Sorry we’re late!” The first Ranma started off as they took off their shoes.


“We stopped to get something to eat!” The second Ranma completed.


Josh, and the two Ranma’s paused in surprise as they cam upon, Nodoka, Genma, female Ranma, and Soun. “Oh crap!” Josh started.


“Who’s that?” Both Ranma’s said together as they simultaneously pointed towards the woman, who looked somewhat familiar.


“Tell them Genma dear!” Nodoka stated forcefully to her husband. The Ranma’s sat down nearby the group looking to Genma for answers.


Genma sighed. “This is your mother Ranmas.” He stated motioning towards the woman.


“Mom!?” They both stated again simultaneously.


Genma nodded. “When I first wanted to take you on a training trip your mother made us sign a contract that said we would commit Seppuku if I did not make you into a man among men.”


“WHAT!?!?!” All three Ranmas shouted, completely appalled by the revelation.


Genma put up his hand to silence them. “I had every intention of going back to her with you... but then you got a curse that turned you into a girl. I was afraid that she would uphold the pact and have us kill ourselves.”


Nodoka growled. “But what mother on this planet would ever force their loved ones to do that!?!?! I made the contract to keep you in line! I was hoping you’d be too afraid to sign it!!” Nodoka then sighed and calmed down slightly. “Whatever the case You’re now triplets and I have a daughter too.” Nodoka then eyed the blue skinned, blonde man sitting beside the Ranmas. “Is that the man you were telling mew about?” She asked the female Ranma.


The female Ranma nodded and blushed. “Yes mother. That’s Josh.”


Nodoka smiled. “He would make a fine husband. Daughter! I have decided to let you marry this man.”


“WHAT!!!!!!” Came the ring all around the room.


“MARRY!?!?” the male Ranma’s yelled. “She’s Not marrying a guy!!”


“Why not?” Nodoka asked. “She’s a girl... and she loves him. She told me.”


Josh sighed. “Jesus what exactly did you tell her Ranma.” He asked.


“The truth!” The redheaded girl said. “I’m in love with you Josh. I can’t help the fact... I told her everything.” The last part she said with a very red and prominent blush on her face.


Nodoka then unsheathed her katana and pointed it at Josh. “We did a few tests and I can’t have my future grandchild without a father. You’ll marry her immediately.”


“G...Grand...child!?!?” Josh muttered in fear. “My god! Kasumi was right!”


Just then two pairs of arms grasped Josh’s shirt. “WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!?!?” They screamed angrily. “WHAT DOES SHE MEAN GRANDCHILD!?!?” They screamed simultaneously.


“I’m pregnant.” Ranma’s female form admitted.


Everyone in the room froze in shock.


“HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON MY BABY!!!?” He yelled at Josh, tears streaming from his eyes.


“Cheat?” Nodoka asked confused. “What are you talking about?”


“He’s married to ME!!” Came a voice from behind Josh.


Josh suddenly became a lighter shade of blue. *Oh no! I’m going to die!!* He thought as his tail went stiff and he felt his hair rise. He slowly turned around and saw Nabiki standing over him with glowing red eyes and a dark aura that visually showed how mad she was. “Hi dear. I was... uhhh... going to tell you.”


“When!?” She growled. “When you had three more kids with her behind my back!?” She growled.


Josh in desperation to diffuse the situation jumped to his feet and pointed to female Ranma. “It’s not my fault it’s hers!! She seduced me while I was vulnerable.”


Nabiki’s aura flared and she clenched a fist. “Josh no BAKAAAAAA!!!!!!” With that she threw a ki powered punch of anger and jealousy towards her husband which sent him through the roof flying into the stratosphere.


Nodoka gripped her Katana’s hilt firmly. “An affair? This will not do.”


The male Ranmas growled as they stared off after their student. “I’m gonna kill him!” The first one stated.


“For doing... that to her.!” The second continued.


“After all...”


“She’s still us.”


Ranma’s female form smiled. “I’m so happy.”


**********************


Author’s notes: {Well there’s another chapter of SI. It’s slightly shorter than normal... I think. I could be wrong though. Isn’t this fun? We’re all back in Ranma world and I made another girl pregnant... only this time it isn’t my wife. And is Evan really attracted to Akane!? Who knows but Evan. Will I survive the wrath of Ranmas 1 and 2? Or Nodoka? Will Evan get together with Akane? Tune in next chapter for the exciting conclusion... or it couldf be the halfway point... whatever just keep reading.}


(JD eats poop. He’s hasn’t been here for a shit load... and he ate the shit load... like the poopeater he is. Him and his cock necked daughter do German shiza films. Anywho... this chapter was cool. I figured out why Akane is a bitch, but that’s nice... blah blah blah, ....blah.... poopie.... bye)


Morden Night: mordennight@hotmail.com

http://mordennight.tripod.com


Agasaki Ishano: evanthewanderer@hotmail.com

http://IfihadagoodoneidputitherecauseIdontsofuckyouallandlickmyballz.cjb.net



TBC